Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2007, on Mother's Day. Peter and Mattie took me out for lunch and as you can see, Mattie was crossing his arms over his heart to indicate his love for me. I am living proof of the fact that it isn't only FIRST holidays that are challenging after a loss. It is really all holidays. Mother's day is a bittersweet occasion and it is simply hard to believe the cutie in this picture is no longer with us.
Quote of the day: A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts. ~ Washington Irving
To all my readers who are mothers, I hope you had a lovely Mother's Day. As Washington Irving's quote indicates, motherhood is usually a life long commitment and one that provides undying love. A mother's job is a tiring, relentless, draining, unpaid, and many times thankless one. However, when you see your children happy, healthy, and developing, you know that it is all worth it. In fact, nurturing a child maybe one of life's greatest gifts, and though each day provides its own challenges, don't forget how lucky you are because as I have experienced, happiness and your child can change or disappear in an instant.
I woke up today at a normal hour. NOT at 4am! Patches is thrilled to have Peter home, and with his arrival, her anxieties have subsided. I was greeted this morning by these beautiful orange/pink roses. A color Mattie would have approved of. Throughout the day, I received emails and text messages. I thank all of you for thinking of me and reaching out. My friend, Tina, wrote to me today, and just like on Easter, she presented me with a whole bunch of ideas and things to do together. I think the greatest gift a friend can give you is to be included in his/her life. I appreciate Tina's kindness, and I am awaiting her report about the ice cream flavor of the day. She and I enjoy going for ice cream together, and one of the shops we visit had a feature flavor today called "Breakfast in Bed." We joked back and forth about what that actual flavor was, and based on its title, we thought about bacon and maple syrup. I honestly can't picture breakfast foods as ice cream, which is why I can't wait to hear the verdict!
As I told my blog readers last night, my friend Christine gave me a gift yesterday. She told me I couldn't open it until today. So I abided by her wishes. When I opened up the card today, I quickly realized the gift was NOT from Christine. Instead it was a mother's day present from her two children. Christine's son, Campbell, was one of Mattie's closest kindergarten friends, and Campbell and Livi (his sister) wanted me to know that not only was Mattie their friend, but so am I. Campbell and Livi painted a ceramic cupcake for me, and as you can see the frosting is Mattie's favorite color, red. As so many of you know, Mattie loved cupcakes and I used them in the hospital as incentives for him to participate in physical therapy. So this cupcake has many meanings! Inside the ceramic cupcake, they placed shells and rocks, things that Mattie loved to collect, and they also signed the inside of the cupcake! As I told Christine, I was deeply touched that they thought of me on Mother's Day. One of the things I miss is receiving things from a child, I miss Mattie's cards, the art, and the extraneous rocks, sticks, and leaves! Receiving a gift from a child means something to me. To me such gifts are to be cherished, and they are symbols of the relationships Mattie created, which continue to live on.
Peter and I went for a walk on Roosevelt Island. Parking there was a major problem today. Mainly because the weather was lovely and everyone wanted to be there. I really thought we were not going to be able to park the car, but then I forgot I was with a Bostonian, who has no trouble creating his own parking space!
While walking the Island, I showed Peter where I planted forget me not seeds on Mattie's birthday in April. We then talked about some of Mattie's favorite spots on the Island. However, to my surprise, I saw hundreds of yellow irises. I have walked on this Island so many times, and each spring I am amazed by all the greenery that unfurls after a long winter. But I do not recall ever seeing these wonderful irises. For me this was a first. I would like to end tonight's posting with three items. The first is a message from my mom, entitled, A Mother for All Seasons. Following this message is an article written by Bombeck entitled, Mothers Who Have Lost a Child, and finally you will read a message I received today from Ann, a nurse and a daily mattiebear blog reader. Ann and I have never met each other.
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A Mother for All Seasons by Virginia R. Sardi
Your instincts as a mother have always been pure and true and Mattie derived many benefits from living his seven years on earth under your guidance experiencing the fullest measure of what it meant to be a treasured son. With love surrounding him in every caring motherly gesture that came so naturally to you, you acted with a God given sense of urgency that gave him a special bond to you from infancy all the way to his development as a little boy that made his spirit soar with ecstasy in the good times and carried him through his trials and tribulations he was to experience in the bad times. You knew he was a gift to you from the start and appreciated the precious moments to be shared with him. For wise beyond your years, you understood that life was to be lived in the moment and not saved for some future time that might never be. In communicating how much motherhood meant to you, Mattie’s life had meaning and substance while he was alive and now that he is gone, his life remains a symbol of hope, courage and strength for those of us left behind to ponder how to put into practice the lessons we have learned from the heartache of your loss. Vicki you are a remarkable mother for all seasons and for all reasons because you gave your all and unburdened your soul in telling the story of Mattie’s illness and death. In so doing, your readers who are mothers have come to rely on you and your advice to try to become the best mothers they can be. Happy Mother's Day!
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A year ago, I received an article in the mail from my colleague and friend, Denise. I found this column so meaningful that I kept Denise's letter, so that I could post "Mothers Who Have Lost a Child" on Mother's Day. I read this column again today, and I commend the late Erma Bombeck who had the where with all to understand that Mother's Day isn't always a happy occasion for all of us. For many of the moms out there who are reading this tonight who have lost a child, I am thinking of you and I hope you find some meaning in this article
Mothers Who Have Lost a Child - May 14, 1995 by Erma Bombeck
If you're looking for an answer this Mother's day on why God reclaimed your child, I don't know. I only know that thousands of mothers out there today desperately need an answer as to why they were permitted to go through the elation of carrying a child and then lose it to miscarriage, accident, violence, disease or drugs.
Motherhood isn't just a series of contractions, it's a state of mind. From the moment we know life is inside us, we feel a responsibility to protect and defend that human being. It's a promise we can't keep. We beat ourselves to death over that pledge. "If I hadn't worked through the eighth month." "If I had taken him to the doctor when he had a fever." "If I hadn't let him use the car that night." "If I hadn't been so naive. I'd have noticed he was on drugs."
The longer I live, the more convinced I become that surviving changes us. After the bitterness, the anger, the guilt, and the despair are tempered by time, we look at life differently.
While I was writing my book, I want to Grow Hair, I Want to Grow Up, I Want to Go to Boise, I talked with mothers who had lost a child to cancer. Every single one said death gave their lives new meaning and purpose. And who do you think prepared them for the rough, lonely road they had to travel? Their dying child. They pointed their mothers toward the future and told them to keep going. The children had already accepted what their mothers were fighting to reflect.
The children in the bombed-out nursery in Oklahoma City have touched more lives than they will ever know. Workers who had probably given their kids a mechanical pat on the head without thinking that morning are making calls home during the day to their children to say, "I love you."
This may seem like a strange Mother's Day column on a day when joy and life abound for the millions of mothers throughout the country. But it's also a day of appreciation and respect. I can think of no mothers who deserve it more than those who had to give a child back.
In the face of adversity, we are not permitted to ask, "why me?" You can ask, but you won't get an answer. Maybe you are the instrument who is left behind to perpetuate the life that was lost and appreciate the time you had with it.
The late Gilda Radner summed it up well: "I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned the hard way that some poems don't rhyme and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what is going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity."
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This message was sent to me today from a daily blog reader, who happens to be a nurse. Ann wrote, "I have been meaning to write for a while but obviously haven't so I thought today would be a good day to let you know that I am thinking of you and Happy Mother's Day. Even though Mattie is no longer here you are his mother so I think saying Happy Mother's Day seems appropriate. There are a few things that I wanted to write to you about. First, several weeks ago you wrote that you were curious as to who still read your blog. I wanted to let you know that I read the blog everyday. I find you words to be so powerful. You make me want to be a better person, a better mom, a better health care provider, and to be more involved with people around me, to live in the moment and be appreciative of everything I have. You truly are an inspirational person. So for this I thank you. Another thing that I wanted to write to you about was your talk for the medical staff at Georgetown. I just wanted you to know that I believe that you are going to give a tremendous / invaluable talk to that community. And that your words will have an impact on the care that they will provide in the future."
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