This photo was literally taken seven years ago on August 11, 2009. By this point we all knew that Mattie's cancer was terminal. I did not share this information with Mattie, but ironically I don't think I had to! He seemed to understand this intuitively. Even before the scans were done which showed that the cancer metastasized. What strikes me about this photo was Mattie's smile. Despite being in intense pain, NOT EATING for days, and not consuming fluids (only through IV), Mattie could still smile. Mattie could still play and wanted to engage with Peter and me. To me this is the sign of a very special person.
Quote of the day: Patience is the companion of wisdom. ~ St. Augustine
When Mattie came into my life, I migrated away from talking to people on the phone. Mostly because Mattie really wanted my undivided attention and he found it disrupting to our daily routine when I would have lengthy conversations. This was a major adjustment for me at first, because I used to have many phone calls a week. Of course when Mattie developed cancer, the phone really became off limits to me. Mattie hated hearing it ring, he found the sound of chatter overwhelming, and this became so severe that Mattie did not like Peter and I to talk to each other in the same room. Which is why toward the end of Mattie's life, Peter and I ONLY communicated through text messaging. This had devastating impacts on us individually but also on our marriage, as we had to relearn to communicate with one another.
I really feel for seven years that I have been conditioned to hate the telephone. It is a learned behavior that I still have today. I find being on the phone longer than 30 minutes overwhelming. I almost feel trapped in a way and truly do not enjoy this level of conversing anymore. Yet of course for the Foundation, I do have to make phone calls and some are lengthy. I have no choice.
However, today I received a call out of the blue from a former student of mine. She and I haven't spoken to one another for ten years. I always gave as much attention as I could to my students when I was a professor, which maybe why so many of them related to me and would always tell me what a difference I made in their lives. Today's phone conversation however was over 90 minutes, and by the time it ended I was wiped out. As Peter tells me often...... I need to take care of myself. Rather than meeting everyone else's needs, desires, and time schedule. It is very true, which is why I really wanted pets in my life. I feel that Indie and hopefully Sunny will be a good balance to my days, where I can get away from working, listening to other people, and connect with something on my own terms.
1 comment:
Vicki,
I truly believe many children, even young intuitively, know their life is ending. They, first hand, experience one thing after another leave their life and ability to engage in different activities. The fact that you have this beautiful picture of Mattie just a few weeks before he died. It is a gift.
I completely understand the phone. It requires us to react immediately to the person on the other end of the conversation. I believe that idle chatter, phones ringing, and extraneous noise force a person in pain to loose the focus, they have established to cope with all that is going on in their lives. I admire you & Peter for texting to help keep Mattie's world quiet, best you could!
You are a kind & giving person, who gives a lot of yourself to others. Peter is right, you need your time and glad Indie is such a cuddly pet.
It appears, she quickly learned that you can take care of each other!!!!
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