Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2009. Mattie had a visit from his "girlfriend," Charlotte. While in Mattie's room, the kids created on silk screens. Mattie decided to make a portrait of his friend so he could remember her visit. Charlotte has blue eyes and blond hair, and Mattie's signature symbol in every painting or picture he created was the sun. No surprise that the sun became the symbol of the Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation. Mattie hung many of his silk screens from the ceiling of his hospital room. Not just during one admission, but every hospital stay. We would travel to the hospital using plastic bins and we had one bin filled with Mattie's creations and items that were always used to decorate the hospital room. Needless to say we never traveled to the hospital lightly!
Quote of the day: If you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them. ~ Jodi Picoult
Picoult's quote is quite brilliant and though her book was about a child with an illness, it wasn't about losing a child to cancer. Nonetheless, I do think losing a child to cancer naturally isolates you. Bereaved parents can work on trying to fit in, but they always know they are different and if not careful everyone in the world can be a potential threat and disappointment. It is a matter of learning how to put things into context, adjusting expectations, and on occasion protecting one's self from hurt, insensitivity, and cluelessness.
Specifically, Mattie was alive 2714 days (April 4, 2002 - September 8, 2009) and tomorrow will be 2714 days that he has been gone (September 8, 2009 - February 11, 2017). Today we visited Mattie's tree and changed the ribbon around the tree. Removed all Christmas ornaments and instead hung 7 butterflies on the tree for each of Mattie's years he had with us. We also hung many Lego pieces. Mattie was the king of the Legos, so that seemed like the perfect item for people to see as they pass the tree. Despite all the leaves being off this tree, you can't miss it on Mattie's school campus. It has so many colorful items on it, always a ribbon around its trunk, and it also has chimes on it that blow in the wind. Which is why I refer to this tree as the "twinkling tree."
1 comment:
Vicki, Mattie's tree totally stands out even with the leaves gone. I noticed this as we walked in the tree's direction, that even from a distance, you see where you are heading! Twinkling tree is an apt name.
It is heartbreaking to know from you that going forward there are more days not spent with Mattie than you were able to spend with him.
It is also sad to realize the truth that parents whose child has died have to learn a whole new world to navigate without their child that will involve being with people who don't realize that grief has no timeline, child loss is forever loss and that more effort isn't put into remembering how & why people meet & orinally become friends. Of course, we have friends from many experiences in our lives but those we make through our child are on a different level because they are tied at the heart by our child and our friends children. No parent except another one who lives with forever loss can understand the feeling. But maybe all the rest of us should learn to acknowledge this exists and work harder to remember that experiences that continue with a person's child are forever gone for our friend. Maybe then we could share good friendships where more effort would be towards including without hurting or isolating further bereaved parents.
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