Tuesday, May 26, 2026

Tuesday, May 26, 2026 -- Mattie died 847 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2006. Mattie was four years old and that day he picked out his very first bicycle! As you can see, Mattie was very excited with this purchase and our commons area in Washington, DC was the perfect way to learn to ride! This commons area holds special memories for me, as it was where Mattie learned to fly a kite, ride a bicycle, play with a dog, and even drive Speedy Red (his ride-on vehicle). 

Quote of the day: You just can’t beat the person who never gives up. ~ Babe Ruth

One of the routines that I do every morning is I use my hand held Dyson vacuum to clean up the first floor. Cleaning and organizing enables me to feel in control of my completely out of control life. Some of you may recall that about a year ago the battery in this vacuum died. I panicked, but had the wherewithal to jump on the Dyson chat feature. That was how I learned about getting a replacement battery, rather than having to throw the whole machine out. When I received the battery, I couldn't unscrew the old one, as I just didn't have the hand strength. So I text messaged my neighbor and I literally went to his house with the vacuum and the battery in tow! He fixed it for me!

So yesterday when the vacuum head broke off, again I got upset. This vacuum was purchased for me by my other half when we bought the house in 2021. I refuse to throw this gift out, and instead have worked on replacing it piece by piece. Just like I did last year, I went back on Dyson chat and together with the help of the representative, I learned about a replacement vacuum head. I am so grateful for Dyson chat, the ability to share photos with them, and their diagnosis and treatment of the problem. Needless to say, a replacement head will come to me this week in the mail, as I am determined to keep this particular machine operational!

It was a hellish day, as I had to take my parents to the hospital, as my dad had to get a CT scan of his head. This was a planned assessment to follow up on his brain bleed from December of 2025. I can appreciate why the neurology team does these periodic tests, but what they don't understand is how complex it is to get a 91 year old to the hospital and let's not talk about getting him onto a CT scan table! Because the hospital requires a lot of walking, I used Mattie's wheelchair today, but it took four of us to get my dad out of the chair and positioned on the table. Once the scan was done, we tried to get my dad to sit up, and swing his legs and feet toward the floor! That was when he started screaming with back pain. His screaming was so intense that the supervisor of the area came running in! I assured him that my dad was okay, and that he has chronic back pain. In fact, my dad is unable to lie flat. He physically can't do it! His neck and head are frozen and he is also unable to straighten out his legs. So when I tell you it is torturous to get him onto scanning tables, I am not kidding. But it isn't just on scan tables, I play all sorts of games to get my dad in and out of bed each day. Every night, as I position him in bed, I am literally standing on top of the mattress, in order to be able to push his back forward to shove pillows behind him. Literally that I don't need a physical therapist myself is remarkable. 

Overall however, I am deeply stressed out about the mortgage assumption and just life in general. Some days I understand the reality of my existence and other days, I just don't get it. It is so confusing to be married for decades, and now not to be. It is like learning that the sky is really the ground and the ground is the sky, and finding out that I had these two backward all of my life. It is confusing, disorienting, and it leaves me questioning every aspect of my life.   

Monday, May 25, 2026

Monday, May 25, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2007. Mattie was five years old. That day we ventured to Andrews Air Force base to attend their annual air show. Since Mattie was fascinated by planes and the military, this seemed like the perfect adventure. This was our first and only visit to the air show, but it was a day I will never forget. Mattie got to tour through planes, meet military members, and even see the Thunderbirds perform. The show was unforgettable and the sound was deafening. It left us all in awe of the incredible service members in our country. 

Quote of the day: Our debt to the heroic men and valiant women in the service of our country can never be repaid. They have earned our undying gratitude. ~ Harry S. Truman

When I was married, our tradition was to watch the National Capitol Memorial Day Concert. Living so close to the National Mall at the time, made the whole concert even more meaningful to us. Now that I am divorced, I still continue the tradition with my parents. My dad served in the US Army, as a surgical nurse. He is very proud of his service and has some amazing stories. Stories which he can still recall.... everything from assisting with a leg amputation to riding in a gurney outside a helicopter, high up in the air! Though my dad may not be clued into everything, he is still moved by music, patriotism, and learning about service members. 

If you did not see the concert last night, I included a link to some of the service members honored at the concert. Chuck Kohler was in the audience. He is 102 years old and the last Pearl Harbor survivor. Hearing Noah Wyle eloquently deliver Chuck's story to the audience was so powerful, as Chuck was just a teenager in the Navy. Chuck grew up in a poor family and he wanted to leave home and make a life for himself. On the day that Pearl Harbor was attacked, he was in a building typing a note to his family. What was a happy moment, turned into great tragedy. When the bombing started, he was told to retreat and jump into a dug out area. However, he was going to have NONE of that, and instead, went to get ammunition and began the fight. He said if he was going to die, he was going to die fighting for his country. Truly a remarkable story and it is hard to believe that he is the only Pearl Harbor survivor still alive, and I can imagine what history and memories will die with him.

The other story that captured my heart was Patricia Horoho. Patricia is a nurse by training who was at the Pentagon on September 11, 2001. She was one of the first responders on the scene and heroically helped over 75 patients. Her story is moving, and given that I was alive and experienced this national catastrophe it has even deeper meaning to me. I remember September 11th like it were yesterday. I was home and pregnant with Mattie, and my other half was at work. I will never forget the horror and panic. I felt distraught and unable to determine whether we needed to evacuate the city. The only consolation for me personally that day was that I wasn't alone. That I had someone who was coming home to me, and that we would face this tragedy together. 

I am beyond overwhelmed hearing the stories of service members, and listening to why they serve! So many of us can't comprehend giving our lives up for a cause, for the greater good. I am in awe of those who are willing to put their life on the line for our freedom and security and I am naturally heartbroken for gold star families and families who lost a loved one in September 11. I did not lose Mattie through service to our country or through terrorism. My enemy in childhood cancer, and yet I share the same pain and sadness of all parents whose children have died. For those of us left behind, our lives are forever changed. We remember our children always, we want to hear their names, and with each milestone and holiday, we wonder.... what would our child be like today?  

Sunday, May 24, 2026

Sunday, May 24, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2007. Mattie assembled this train track with overhead arches. This set up took up a lot of space, but all of us were used to this, including Patches. Patches was our calico cat! She was the best cat and as soon as we brought Mattie home from the hospital in 2002, she understood..... he was precious cargo and she had to behave. My hope is that Mattie and Patches have reunited and that Sunny (who never met either of them), has joined forces with them. 

Quote of the day: Sometimes, life will kick you around, but sooner or later, you realize you’re not just a survivor. You’re a warrior, and you’re stronger than anything life throws your way. ~ Brooke Davis

This afternoon, I took my parents out to our local diner. Since we go there weekly, I know all the managers and most of the servers. We tend to work with the same server each week, and each week we learn more about this server's life, his wife, and his three children. Today he surprised us, as two of his children were in the diner. One is 10 years old and the other is 6. Both of the children knew who we were! But what surprised me was the children were eager to chat with us, were very kind, and wanted to make a connection. I was very touched by their manners, kindness, and how much they respect their dad. On the way out of the diner today, their dad said to me..... see why I work so hard (he works multiple jobs, six days a week, 12 hour days)? Indeed, it was clear and what was even more clear to me is that when love and commitment are present, one will always rise to the challenges presented in life. 

When I got home, I found a package at my front door. I opened it up and found these charming cat towels looking up at me. They are from my former mother-in-law. An absolutely insane title I am required to legally use, for someone I have known since I was 19. She doesn't like the whole "former" title, so she now just tells people I am her daughter. 

We are cat lovers and also love flowers and gardening. When I wonder did my former life exist, I can now just look at these towels as another reminder. It was another hard week on top of many tough and heartbreaking years, so today's gift of love perked me up. 

Saturday, May 23, 2026

Saturday, May 23, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2008. It is hard to believe that two months later Mattie was diagnosed with cancer. We absolutely loved going to Calvert Cliffs Park in Maryland. It is a truly unique experience, because you have to walk about a mile or so into the woods, but at the end of the trail, it leads to a beach on the Chesapeake Bay. Not just an ordinary beach either, because if you are patient and do some digging, you will find fossilized shark teeth! I can't tell you how many Mattie collected over the years! We always brought with us shovels, pails, and Ziploc bags to collect the teeth! It was an adventure that I will never forget. 

Quote of the day: FEAR has two meanings: Forget Everything And Run. Face Everything And Rise. ~ Zig Ziglar

When I say that I am very tired, it truly doesn't highlight the extent of my physical and emotion distress. In fact, I do not think there is a word in the English language that truly captures my exhaustion and depleted state. This morning, I dragged myself out of bed, because if I do not get it together, nothing in my house operates. 

After my full morning routine, I literally went back upstairs and I got in bed and rested my eyes for 15 minutes. That was as much rest as I could handle based on my level of anxiety and stress. It is very hard for me to rest, to relax, and to sit still. If I attempt to do this I can feel a complete uneasiness and tension rising in my entire body, that jolts me to move. 

From trying to rest, I popped up and continued chores, such as endless laundry. But then I decided.... I have to start exercising. I have about a month now to get my cholesterol under control, as my doctor is testing me in the beginning of July. He feels that my heightened and long term stress are contributing to these levels and therefore wants me to exercise. Sounds lovely, but he has no idea what my days look like. That said, I grabbed my sneakers today and headed to the basement. Of course Indie was in tow!

The basement has so many memories for me. The first memory is the flood in September of 2021. We had just moved into the house, and we had a rain storm. At 2am, water was flowing in from the door and rising. There was two inches of water and we worked for hours to get the water out as quickly as it was coming in. Thankfully at that time we hadn't moved anything into the basement. The previous owner had a basement door that had big cracks in it, and naturally it was the perfect entry for water! 

The second memory was when my parents moved into our house in December of 2021. Literally our basement was filled with boxes. This took months to dig out of this nightmare. 

I had such high hopes for the basement! But when I got separated those hopes, like so many others, went right out the window. As you can see the original plan was to make a media area, so we could enjoy movies together. 

Now the one who primarily loves the basement is Indie. You can see her liter boxes on the rug. That was the rug she was going on for months. Now with two boxes on the rug, she hasn't had an accident since. Yay Indie!

But here's the funny thing..... I did not know how to operate this TV! The last time my Verizon angel was over, we went down to the basement with me. We sat together, and we figured out how to get the TV on, how to access the cable, and adjust the sound. That may sound easy, but it was not, specifically because there is no cable box downstairs, so you have to get on remotely, yet I could never locate the Verizon app on the TV. It is thanks to the Verizon angel, that I was able to figure out how to turn on the TV today and of course tuned into my favorite station.... Hallmark. While watching a movie, I walked on the treadmill for twenty minutes and did 4 minutes on the elliptical. The doctor has told me to start slowly, and I have listened to his advice. It is my hope that I can continue to be motivated to go downstairs and take care of my own health. 

Friday, May 22, 2026

Friday, May 22, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2008. I will always remember this moment in time. It was a Friday afternoon, and a lovely weather day. We decided to take Mattie on a boat ride around the Potomac River. Since Mattie was into boats, we figured this would be a fun activity for him. I think what was so special and memorable about this activity for me was that it wasn't planned. It just was something we decided to do in that moment. The tour boat's name was the Matthew Hayes! After Mattie died, whenever I would see the Matthew Hayes on the River, I naturally am transported back to this exact moment in time. 

Quote of the day: You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you. ~  Frederick Buechner

This morning, my dad's nurse came over to assess his multiple pressure sores. The nurse visits twice a week. She and I have been actively treating these sores for weeks now, but when my dad got home from the hospital, his situation seemed much worse. 

The good news is the urology team got back to me today and they have agreed, my dad can stop taking Flomax and he doesn't need to start an alternative, since he had a bad reaction to Flomax. What I have learned about caring for older adults is.... less is more! Meaning, the more medications one takes, the more side effects a caregiver is going to be juggling. 

I tend to go grocery shopping for the week on Fridays. I remember when I first started shopping at this particular store, I thought..... I am never going to figure this out. The store is enormous, the aisles are big, and I really did not think I could learn where items were in the store. However, now that I have been going to this store for two years now, I zoom around the store like it is the back of my hand. It is amazing what the brain can learn. One of the things I love about this store is that it has an overhead toy train that goes around on a track. Naturally kids in the store LOVE it, and whenever I see the train.... I think of Mattie. He would have absolutely loved watching this train go around. 

Have you ever thought about the check out process of a grocery store? Some people will only go to the area where there is a live person to check them out and some people prefer the self check out option. Prior to getting divorced, I would always go to a live person. But since 2023, that all went out the window. I do not want to wait on line, I do not want to bag groceries in the order that the check out person places them on the conveyor belt, and the list goes on. So no matter how many items I have in my cart, and I mean it, I go to the self check out area. All the ladies monitoring the self check out area know me. They also know not to mess with me, as I can get through the process quite quickly with no help, even with a cart filled with much more than 20 items! One store employee is fascinated with how I get all my bags to fit into their smallest cart, and each time she sees me, she suggests I use a bigger cart. My response is always, NO.... Watch, I can get it to fit!

Today was a busy day in the grocery store and at self check out. While working on scanning my things, I shouted out.... Hi Shelly. Shelly is one of the store monitors! Shelly and I talk weekly about caregiving and other things! Any case, today she said to me.... before you check out, flag me over! So like she suggested, I scanned all my items and before I paid for the items, I waved her over. Out of her pocket she took a 10% discount coupon! She explained to me that a fellow customer gave it to her. Since he wasn't going to use it, he told Shelly to surprise a fellow customer with the gift! Shelly chose me! I told Shelly she made my day!

But Shelly's gift made me wonder..... why do I not received such coupons? After all, I am a loyal customer. I connected the dots and I realized that my bonus card is not connected to my phone number and email and therefore, I am not the one receiving the coupons! I rectified that immediately today and now I have my own bonus card. Rather funny that I never thought about this until today when presented with a fellow customer's coupon. I chalk it up to managing way too much and putting out constant figurative fires. 

Thursday, May 21, 2026

Thursday, May 21, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2008. That day I visited Mattie's kindergarten classroom and did a guest presentation about coconuts! Why did I do this? Because every spring, Mattie's grandparents would visit Florida and they literally mailed us a whole coconut in the mail! Husk and all! Mattie absolutely loved it! I guess the educator in me, turned this hard shelled gift into a learning opportunity. I took my coconut show on the road at both Mattie's preschool and his elementary school! I literally would do a presentation, so the children learned a little bit about coconuts, then we would demonstrate how to open the husk and crack the coconut, and then the children got to taste the coconut! I also typically baked coconut treats, so all in all, it was a fun experience for the entire class.

Quote of the day: We don’t even know how strong we are until we are forced to bring that hidden strength forward. ~ Isabel Allende

If you have been following along, then you know that my dad was given a Flomax prescription when discharged from the hospital last Friday. The goal was to take one pill for 14 days. By day five, I was at my wit's end! In a small percentage of patients, the side effect is diarrhea. However, given my dad's irritable bowel issues, the side effects were magnified. Yesterday was such a nightmare that I contacted the doctors, because I couldn't see surviving another clean up day like Wednesday! My dad's primary care doctor suggested I stop the medication for three days to see if I noticed an improvement. Sure enough, today was better. I had the usual IBS issues, but not the full blown clean up nightmare while on Flomax. Though the urology team said that my dad's issues couldn't be Flomax related, I KNOW MY DAD! I knew that the only new thing added to his regimen was Flomax. Given that my dad is very sensitive to all medications, it did not take a rocket scientist to see the connection!

After my typical morning routine, I thought I could sit down and focus on Foundation things! Forget it. My phone rang, and I could tell it was my mortgage company. I applied for a mortgage assumption at the end of April. Why? Because legally in my marital settlement agreement, I have to remove my other half. I learned today that the bank could care less that I am divorced or the fact that my other half is currently on the mortgage. All they care about is that the house is in my name, I live in the house, and that I pay the mortgage. In all intensive purposes, things would be business as usual, if it wasn't for my marital settlement agreement. I found that very interesting, because for some reason I thought if I was divorced, that the mortgage company would require only my name be on the mortgage. But that isn't how it works. 

Any case, today's call was disappointing, because what it means is that I have more work ahead and another two hour long phone call with my assumption's agent. When I became separated, I wasn't only managing caregiving 24/7, maintaining the house, running the Foundation, but I also had to learn about paying bills and paying off accumulated debts. The debt process has been a major learning curve for me, which is why I got to know our banker very well, as she sat down with me, educated me about debt, how it impacts my future, and then worked with me on a plan to resolve it. But given that I do not work and do not get alimony, debt management is a slow process for me. 

All I can say is I am learning so much and I am also stressed out so much because I need to secure a mortgage assumption to remain in my house. Remaining in my house is crucial given that my parents both have dementia and significant health issues. My mortgage assumption agent gets it, and he will continue to work with me on finalizing this process. What I can say is that in my time of need, when I am absolutely at my wit's end today, I turned to two people. Both of whom have agreed to help me through this mortgage assumption because in their minds I have been through more than enough and they love me. In fact, when I wrote to one of the women in question... her response was "Of course I will.... happy to help." 

Wednesday, May 20, 2026

Wednesday, May 20, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2009. Next to Mattie was Sally, the storybook lady! Sally was a volunteer who came to the pediatric units monthly. No matter how Mattie was feeling..... he always wanted to see Sally! Trust me that was high praise, because for the most part, Mattie wanted nothing to do with hospital volunteers. But Sally was engaging, talented, bright, and connected beautifully with Mattie. Sally would come and tell a story, but not in a simple way! She would come in costume, she had props, and she always had items for children to grab and take part in acting out the story's plot. Mattie LOVED it, and even though Mattie did not feel well enough that day to go to the hospital playroom, Sally came to him!

Quote of the day: Everyone has inside them a piece of good news. The good news is you don’t know how great you can be! How much you can love! What you can accomplish! And what your potential is. ~ Anne Frank

This morning was my dad's first day back at his memory care center, after his hospitalization. As soon as I walked into my parent's bedroom to wake my dad up and get him showered and dressed, the smell hit me. I could tell he had a bowel movement in bed. But today's sight was like a crime scene. Not unlike when I was dealing with his bout of norovirus in January. 

What made today's situation much worse, and I mean BAD, BAD, BAD, was my dad decided while lying in bed to put his hands in poop and then rub it into the heated blanket on their bed. Seriously when I saw him this morning I was about ready to cry and scream at the same time. His hands, fingernails, and fingers were covered in poop! Trying to get him out of bed and clean him up before getting into the shower was a feat. 

Of course given this toxic nightmare, I had to strip the bed, rinse everything out by hand, and then do multiple rounds of laundry. No matter what I did, I couldn't get the smell out of the house today. It took multiple clean ups, fans, and finally by 3pm, the smell dissipated. But it was so bad, that my mom got nauseous from the smell and looked depleted all day. The one consistent with my dad, is that each day there will be a challenge. Potentially a new challenge and the question is..... will I be able to deal with it?

After I dropped my dad off at his memory care center, I then called his urologist. My concern is that my dad is on Flomax, which was prescribed to him after his kidney stone surgery. He needs to be on this for two weeks, however, this is the only new med added to his repertoire and therefore my concern is it is causing some of the nasty side effects. Calling the urology office was mind numbing. The triage nurse wanted to speak to my dad! Not me! I told her that my dad wasn't available and even if he was, he could not answer any questions. As I told her that my dad has NO recollection of being in the hospital or having surgery. So she finally understood, but mind you I have medical power of attorney documentation on file at this hospital system.

The nurse then said that I did not supply her with the correct name for myself. I literally started laughing hysterically! I am pretty sure I know who I am! Turns out she doesn't have me in her files as Sardi-Brown, she had my name written down as Brown! I said okay, Sardi-Brown, Brown..... both are me! Though I find it very odd as I always present my legal name in such entities and that is Sardi-Brown. Once I got through the name debacle and the fact that she wasn't going to talk to my dad, I finally was able to have a medical conversation!

Any case, when I reported that my dad's blood pressure is running high, that he has intense back pain, and overwhelming diarrhea, her response was... this is not a urology issue this is a primary care issue. I am sorry.... my dad wouldn't be having these issues if he wasn't faced with urinary sepsis and needed kidney stone surgery last Thursday. So I pushed back at her and I had her leave a message for my dad's doctor. After getting off the phone with her, I contacted my dad's primary care doctor, who understands my dad's sensitivity to medication. So he has agreed we that should try stopping the Flomax for three days and see whether the symptoms improve. If they do, then he will prescribe a similar med, but one he thinks my dad will tolerate better. If stopping the med doesn't improve my dad's symptoms, he wants my dad to do more testing. Seriously I just can't take one more thing. 

Tuesday, May 19, 2026

Tuesday, May 19, 2026 -- Mattie died 846 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2009. This was a typical physical therapy session! It would take place in the hospital hallways! Having a PT session, wasn't a break for me. I was right along side Mattie participating, encouraging him, and playing along. Behind me was Linda, Mattie's child life professional, and to my side was Anna, Mattie's physical therapist. Two amazing women! In fact, the reason why Mattie Miracle supports a child life position is because of Linda. Linda was instrumental to Mattie's daily existence and to mine. Therefore, when Mattie died, we wanted to fund access to child life services for all children with cancer. As I always say... Mattie was my greatest teacher in life. 

Quote of the day: Forget art. Put your trust in ice cream. ~ Charles Baxter

This morning while getting myself ready for the day, I received a text message from my plumber. YES my plumber. I met Cody in 2021, when we bought this house. Cody spent a lot of time here, trying to correct major plumbing issues. This is how I became close to him and our electrician, Bob! I literally have their cell phone numbers and I can call them anytime and they actually respond. Cody wanted me to know that he returned back to the company I have a contract with for service. He keeps me posted about his activities and his family. He is a devoted husband and dad, and I admire his commitment to do the right thing. All I can say is thank goodness I took an interest in house things when we first moved in, because now that I manage everything alone and have to coordinate services with professionals, I am not starting from ground zero. I know all our professionals and frankly they are all impressed with what I am able to manage alone. Both Cody and Bob joke with me that I am on my way to being an apprentice! You know what they say about necessity.... it is the mother of invention!

It was a busy day with both a physical therapy and nursing evaluation for my dad. I have been working with this particular home health company for two years now and feel very comfortable with these professionals. My dad's nurse took one look at his pressure sores, and signed him right back onto service. They are back to being stage 2 sores and I have got to get a handle on them before they become more significant. My dad has also lost ground physically while in the hospital for just three days! Three days in bed for a 91 year old is equivalent to a month or more for the rest of us. So back to in-home therapy! 

Once all the appointments were over, I took my parents out to Dairy Queen. Those of you who know me well, know that ice cream is my vice. You want to make me smile, you give me ice cream! 

Dairy Queen has special meaning to me, as this was a place I first experienced while in the Outer Banks of North Carolina. I can't tell you how many summer trips to the beach involved getting Dairy Queen. Sometimes we would eat it in the car, while waiting out massive thunder and lightning storms! 

The store we went to today, also has meaning. As I went there with my other half soon after purchasing the house. That particular day we had a wild day of working with contractors and facing numerous issues uncovered in the house. As I say.... bad days, take me right to Dairy Queen. 

While out with my dad, I grew super concerned over his behavior. His face was bright red, beet red. Today was in the 90s, but he was in air conditioning, so he wasn't overheated! Just lookin at him, I knew that his blood pressure had spiked! When I got him home, I started taking his blood pressure every 30 minutes. Finally it returned to normal after an hour, but I have to tell you, I am on edge constantly because if I don't read the cues properly, he could have a serious unattended medical problem. My dad is NOT able to report out symptoms or pain, which makes it very difficult to identify issues! 

Given the heat, I went back outside to water plants. All the beautiful pots we have were bought when we moved into the house. I absolutely love them. Most of the pots around the stone patio have perennials in them, but these are reserved for annuals. 

My rose garden is thriving and will need to be cut back soon. When we bought the house, there were NO roses! I love them and my other half planted this special garden for me. To me this is symbolic of our connection.... something a divorce can never destroy. 

Monday, May 18, 2026

Monday, May 18, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2009. I know exactly what was happening here! I can remember it well. I rushed Mattie to the hospital from home because he was running a fever and feeling depleted! Sitting with us was Kristen! Kristen was Mattie's oncologist. I absolutely loved Kristen and do you know to this day we are still in touch. In fact, when Mattie died, Kristen wrote to me every Tuesday (the day Mattie died) for over a year! This to me was very usual support, and we also met occasionally for dinner after Mattie died. Not too many doctors go this extra mile, which is why she will never be forgotten. 

Quote of the day: If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it. ~ Michael Jordan

This morning, I got up at 5:30am in order to get my dad out the door at 9am for his 9:45am doctor appointment. The urology office is in Alexandria, VA, which is 40 minutes from my home. Despite all my best efforts, my dad had a bad irritable bowel syndrome morning. I was doing clean up from the bed to the shower. Any case, by the time I got him to the office, I was ten minutes late. Do you know that the first thing the office person said to me was.... "you are late and I don't think the doctor can see you now!" Want to guess how I responded to that???

I literally said to her that she had to be kidding. I am balancing a 91 year old, who is recovering from a procedure and has severe back pain. I am lucky I got him to the office at all by myself! I then told her that I drove a long way to get to the appointment and there was no way I was leaving the office until his ureter stent was removed. Plain and simple!

She had me waiting an hour! At which point, I went right back at her and asked her what the plan was, and ironically she said.... she didn't know. Again, I looked at her. I told her that I needed to know that my dad was going to be seen today. To which she said... "let me go back and talk to the staff." Goodness, shouldn't she have done that 60 minutes ago? 

When we were eventually called back, the doctor's assistant apologized to me for keeping us waiting for an hour. The hold up was with them, not with me. Rather funny, as the medical staff told me one thing and the front desk staff another thing. The front desk staff who made my appointment for today also told me that I had to come in this morning, because the doctor was going on vacation the rest of the week. You will love this! When I wished the doctor a good vacation, his response was.... "what vacation!?" We both had a big laugh over this, because he isn't going anywhere, but his front desk thinks he is! Serious dysfunction here!

To get the ureter stent removed, my dad had to get up on an exam table. All I can say is DEAR GOD! I am not sure how I managed this, but I assure you there was a lot of screaming. My dad was in intense pain with his back, and I did not know if I could get him in the right position. The medical assistant wanted my dad to lie down flat on the table and I told her that wasn't going to happen. She looked at me and said that was what the doctor wanted. I told her, it isn't going to happen and I will deal with the doctor. 

My dad's doctor is the vision of beautiful physical health. I swear he could be in the military. He is that fit. He has a typical surgeon's personality. He is not warm and fuzzy, but I love his competency and skills. Which is exactly what you want in a surgeon. This is the third surgery he has performed on my dad in two years. But do you want to know what happened at the end of the appointment? This stoic and commanding doctor said, "I am sorry this happened again and I truly hope we do not have to see each other again (meaning that my dad doesn't have another emergency)." Then he gave me a big hug. What this told me is that this doctor has some insight and compassion for what I am facing and juggling. It was an unexpected emotional reaction, which is why it caught my attention. 

Tomorrow, my dad goes back on in-home nursing and physical therapy service. His pressure sores have gotten bigger and it will take great work to get him stabilized again. 

Sunday, May 17, 2026

Sunday, May 17, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2009. It was the Mattie March, an event Team Mattie planned at Mattie's school track. It was an amazing event with over 500 people in attendance. That event set the stage for our Mattie Miracle Walk. Next to Mattie are two of my students, Ariel and Tess. Ariel is now a nursing professional and to this day, we are still in touch. She is a Foundation supporter and my friend. I am not sure what I did right back then when teaching, but I am lucky to have made beautiful and lasting connections with some of my students. 

Quote of the day: A single act of kindness is like a drop of oil on a patch of dry skin—seeping, spreading, and affecting more than the original need. ~ Richelle E. Goodrich  

I got up at 5am and it is now 9pm, and I am still working. So I am getting a little punchy at this point! I went to bed around 1am. It is the only time in the house that there is quiet and peace and therefore I can concentrate. At 1am, I wrote out what I wanted to say in my recorded greeting to supporters! I have to tell you I thought about blowing off this greeting! Part of me figured.... who watches it or even cares? But at the end of the day, I care! My efforts are directly aligned with my love for Mattie. I will always go the extra mile for my son. 

So at 1am, Indie was getting ticked off at me because I wasn't settling down, and my head was flooded with all sorts of thoughts. Ironically when I am in this state, I can't string two words together. Which is why I knew I had to spend time to think about what I was going to say. I couldn't just turn on the video camera and go! At one time, when I was teaching, I had NO PROBLEM just talking off the cuff. Now, I am worn down by my life's circumstances. 

Any case I got up at 5am, because I wanted to get showered and dressed and then go downstairs before anyone was up, in order to figure out how to record a greeting and upload it to YouTube. Keep in mind that technology is NOT my bag baby! NOT ONE BIT. I recorded what I said, only twice. I kept the second recording but then I had to figure out how to publish it and save it to my computer. When I am telling you it was close to impossible, I am not kidding, but I kept at it and figured out a way around the system. I have included my four minute greeting on Facebook. My goal was to thank supporters and let them know that we would be no where without their generosity and commitment to our mission. You can look at it yourself and come to your own conclusions..........

With my dad's hospitalization this week, and pulling an all nighter on Wednesday at the ER, I am worn out. I also think Walk day is far more complex now for me without my other half. For me it has been like.... and then there were none. I miss sharing my life with the person I thought would always be a part of my life! That said, I have the best of friends and supporters. Over the last couple of days, I have been sending out targeted emails to supporters, to encourage them to donate and help us get closer to our financial goal. Given the response I have been receiving from these emails, it reminds me.... I AM NOT ALONE!