Sunday, September 20, 2026

Sunday, September 20, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2008. We were home between treatments and Mattie received this foam puzzle from his grandmother. We got it out the pieces, assembled it, and Mattie sat on top of it. I remember entitling this photo.... Mattie sits on top of the world. That brought a big smile to his face!

Quote of the day: If you want to be respected by others, the great thing is to respect yourself. Only by that, only by self-respect will you compel others to respect you. ~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Every Sunday, since 2021, I take my parents to the same restaurant. That is five years of weekly visits. By this point, one would hope we would be respected and appreciated. Today's dining experience got me so worked up that I wrote the letter below to the general manager of the restaurant. I used initials for people and the restaurant. Needless to say, whenever I feel disrespected, under valued, or ignored now, I become very vocal. I was always an advocate, but since my divorce, you will feel the full force of Vicki if I feel placated, ignored, or manipulated. 

Did I need to take the time to write to the general manager and his boss tonight? From a principle standpoint, I certainly DID! But the fact that I had to write this letter in the first place added to my anger. I give 1000% each and every day, and on a day that should be less taxing for me, wasn't it. 

--------------------------------------------

Dear E,

I am writing to you about my experience at your restaurant today. For thirty years, I have been a long time C customer, and I take my parents to your restaurant every Sunday for brunch. We have been dining weekly at your restaurant since 2021. Given my experience today, I felt like it merited a formal letter, because by the time I left your restaurant I was agitated, felt disrespected, and unappreciated.

Though I love C’s food, I am not a fan of your desserts. Your desserts consistently are a disappointment, because the quality of the desserts is not in line with the rest of your food. Given how we feel about your desserts, we order ice cream instead. When the ice cream was delivered to our table today, it looked like a cup of soup. There was some well-formed ice cream, but it was hard to see because most of the ice cream was melted in the cup. Normally I let this problem go, as this is a consistent problem from week to week, but today, I had enough. Each scoop of ice cream adds up and why should I pay for four scoops of melted ice cream? So, I sent the ice cream back and was told that a new set of scoops would come back out. Sure enough, the second set came out, and it looked just as melted as the ones I had sent back. 

By this time, I was frustrated and I asked for a manager. Er came over, and as usual, she handled it with grace and kindness. Er saw the problem immediately. Er sat down and listened, chatted with us, and did the right thing by removing the ice cream from our bill. However, because this is a consistent problem coming out of the kitchen, I told Er that I wanted to speak to your chef, Chef N. Er did go back into the kitchen, and I assumed the next person I was going to see was the chef. After all, each week we spend $X or more at your restaurant, and I would like to think that our loyalty is valued. Therefore, if I have an issue, I expect it will be taken seriously and addressed. Since the chef is responsible for all the food coming out of his kitchen, I felt it was important for him to see the lack of quality control from that is occurring from the kitchen to the customer.

To my surprise, Er came back to our table and told me that the chef was too busy and did not have the time to talk with me. I can assure you that the ice cream frustrated me, but after hearing that the chef would not take a few minutes to come and talk with me, I got very upset. Do note that the restaurant was not overwhelmed with customers by this point, so my request for his time was not unreasonable. Chef N sent out sous chef J instead. This also did not sit well with me. He did not send J out offering a message of apology or explaining why he could not come and speak with me directly. Instead, it appeared that he sent J out to placate me and to go through the motions. That was completely unappreciated. J was lovely, professional, and accommodating, everything that I would have hoped Chef N would be, and J was able to go back into the kitchen and bring out cold and well-formed scoops of ice cream.

I am a full-time caregiver to my parents. I choose to come to your restaurant each Sunday because it is a break for me from cooking and cleaning. Yet my one day off from cooking landed up with all of us being upset. Handling customer concerns and issues is not just a management issue; the Chef represents your food and needs to be held responsible. If a long-term customer asks to speak to your Chef, every effort should be made to accommodate this request. After all, if he came out even for five minutes, I would not have had to come home and take the time to write this letter to you. My time is just as valuable as Chef N’s.

Since ice cream service is a consistent problem at the restaurant, and I can safely say this, having ordered it each Sunday, this needs to be examined, discussed, and addressed. Customers dining at C’s expect a good presentation throughout the meal and this includes dessert. The lack of quality control from kitchen to table is a concern and what sticks with me about all of this is the I could tell the Chef thought my ice cream issue was trite and did not merit his presence. That attitude is unacceptable and how customers are treated does matter. I left your restaurant today very upset after spending over $X on a meal that ended very poorly. 

I look forward to hearing from you and hope that you will address my issues with Chef N. I would also like to know how the consistent melted ice cream issue is going to get resolved. Thank you for your time and attention to my concerns.

Saturday, September 19, 2026

Saturday, September 19, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2008. Mattie was home between treatments and his best preschool buddy, Zachary, came over. Zachary brought over Indiana Jones hats and a whip. The irony was Mattie never saw one of Harrison Ford's movies, yet because Zachary loved the series, Mattie did too! They were an amazing duo, and I learned a great deal about friendship from these two young boys!

Quote of the day: We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect. ~ Anais Nin

At some point today, after juggling my usual responsibilities, I sat down at my computer and worked on composing a letter for my mom. One of my mom's teacher colleagues and friend is celebrating his upcoming 80th birthday. His wife has asked my mom to write down her memories and reflections of their time together. Seems like a simple request, no? The answer is NO, NO, and NO! Why do I say this? 

I say this because my mom has her own form of dementia. Certainly she functions a lot better than my dad, but what this exercise confirmed for me is that her ability to recall stories, moments in time, and feelings associated with those memories, are practically gone. So how on earth can she generate a letter, with no content?

Given that I felt pressure to submit something and my mom also wanted to participate, I had to strategize how I was going to do this? When we were living in New York, I was a child. Therefore I wouldn't be privy to their friendship and work together. I only knew snippets of things. So yesterday, I took out a pad of paper and sat down with my mom. I asked her to come up with ideas and thoughts and to just shout them out. I wrote down everything yesterday that she was expressing and then I tried to make sense of it. Today I turned it into a three page letter. I decided to generate a TOP TEN list of special qualities and under each item in the list, I elaborated with examples and commentary. 

The conclusion I came to, is I can write about anything at this point. I attribute my comfort with writing to Mattie's blog. When you write daily, about thoughts, feelings, and reflections, it is like exercising a muscle. My brain has gotten very good at flexing, bending, and being used to express all sorts of difficult, meaningful, and at times painful life experiences. As I always say, Mattie was my life's greatest teacher and it is funny how even writing a letter can illustrate this point. 

Here is an example from my top ten list. It is number 6:

#6.....Love of Children

One day, I brought my daughter, Vicki, to DeWitt Clinton High School. She had to be around 5 years old. You happened to be walking down the hallway and saw us. You came over to us, took Vicki’s hand, and together you walked the hallway and got to know one another. You always credit that special walk for your desire to have a child of your own. Naturally as Vicki’s mom, hearing that made me smile, then and even now. Your love for children and their development has guided all aspects of your life from teaching, your family, and running a successful teen tour company.

Friday, September 18, 2026

Friday, September 18, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2008. Mattie was in his second month of treatment at the hospital. Each of the rooms in the pediatric intensive care unit had windows out in the hallway. Seriously to me the room was like living in a prison and the window out into the hallway seemed to be a reminder that we were part of a institution and being watched. There was very little privacy, with people coming in and out of the room at all hours of the day and night! That particular evening, Mattie was getting stir crazy. So what did we do? We blew up gloves and Mattie had a puppet show through the window. Anyone in the hallway couldn't miss my six year old with dancing gloves in the window! The beauty of Mattie Brown!

Quote of the day: What greater gift than the love of a cat? ~ Charles Dickens

This is Indie! We rescued her on Independence Day weekend of 2016. She is a Tortoise Shell cat, and if you know anything about this breed, they have Tortitude! Vocal, smart, and loyal! Indie was rescued from West Virginia and I fell in love with her face on the rescue site. She has been with me for ten years now. 

This morning, after I dropped my dad off at his memory care center, I rushed home to try to capture Indie, place her in a carrying case, so I could take her to her annual vet check up. 

I have to admit that Sunny, the Australian Shepherd, was my boy, and Indie bonded with my other half. In 2023, I was left to manage Sunny (who had cancer), my parents, and learn to care and bond with Indie. We had an adjustment period, but as I say, Indie is smart, and she learned quickly.... I am it! She has to rely on me for food, love, care, and litter box maintenance (by the way she has TRAINED me well.... as she has two boxes that get cleaned daily). 

This photo of Indie was taken at night. Every night, after I get my parents into bed, Indie comes into my room, hops on the bed, and gets cozy right next to me. Together we watch a Hallmark movie. She has become my buddy. The funny part about her is while I am sleeping, she migrates right up to my head. She sleeps between my pillows and the pillows of my other half. 

One of the things I do not like is having to assemble Indie's carrying case and then capturing her and putting her in the case. But one of the things that happens when you live alone is you become very good at being organized and strategic. I have to be, as I don't have back up! So two days ago, I assembled the carrying case and put it in my closet. I did it while Indie was downstairs and couldn't hear what I was doing. The key to all of this is catching Indie by surprise! If she knows what is coming or gets fearful and I will be running all around the house trying to capture her. This morning, I took the assembled carrying case, covered it with my sweater, and placed it in another room. I know Indie's habits..... mid-morning, she goes back to my bedroom and sleeps on my bed. 

I literally had a conversation with myself while driving back from my dad's memory care center. I gave myself a pep talk. If I could figure out a divorce, a mortgage, and caregiving 24/7, I think I am capable of outsmarting Indie and getting her in her carrying case. So I got home, went upstairs, grabbed the carrying case, and calmly walked into my bedroom. Remember the carrying case had my sweater over it, so literally Indie did not put two and two together. I then went to close my bedroom door, and then revealed the carrying case. To which Indie freaked out. She tried to run around, but I caught her and got her in the carrying case. 

I happen to love Indie's vet. She is very competent, friendly, warm, and loves cats. Indie had a wonderful visit and examination and is doing well. They said they wanted to give her the "good cat award" today! But what saddens me is the cost of vet care. Today's wellness exam included blood work and a fecal test, and altogether, the bill was over $625. Naturally any animal owner does whatever we have to do to care for our fur babies, but the cost of care is so high, that I can't see owning a pet is affordable for everyone. That makes me sad! All I know is I am very grateful that Sunny and Indie were left behind and in my care, and anything in my care, gets my 100% attention. I miss Sunny every day, and I believe so does Indie. Do you know that Indie loves lying down on Sunny's dog bed (which is still in my family room)? They were good buddies right from day one (as you can see from this photo). When we brought Sunny home for the first time, Indie came downstairs, and they touched noses (yes I captured that moment on camera!). It was in that moment that we went from a family of two to a family of four. Sunny and Indie, may have been rescued, but they in essence rescued me.  

Thursday, September 17, 2026

Thursday, September 17, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2008. It was our second month in Mattie's cancer journey. Mattie's room felt like the size of a postage stamp with three people in it and a lot of medical devices and equipment. Yet that did not stop Mattie from creating, building, and playing. Truly his spirit was amazing, because I am quite certain if an adult faced what Mattie did, we most likely wouldn't have handled it so well and I am quite certain we wouldn't have felt much like smiling.

Quote of the day: Feeling lost, crazy and desperate belongs to a good life as much as optimism, certainty and reason. ~ Alain De Botton

I have been communicating back and forth today with my dad's memory care center. I felt the need to reach out to them because my dad says he "hates" going. When I ask him to elaborate on that feeling, he can't! My dad's go to line is..... "I don't know!" That may not sound bad to you, but when you hear this all the time, it can get overwhelming. To say that he hated something seemed like a very strong reaction to his experience. Which was why I contacted the Center. We have been chatting about this for two days.

It turns out the decline that I am seeing in my dad, they are also seeing at the Center. They are seeing that my dad isn't interest in participating in all the activities he once used to like (such as seeing short videos, playing games, and other cognitive games and quizzes) and he is doing a lot of dozing instead. The dozing is a new occurrence at the Center. They did not want to assume that his behavior at the Center was due to memory decline, so when I contacted them, it got the ball rolling, so that we could evaluate the issues from both angles. 

We are now on the same page, my dad is progressing out of moderate stage dementia into the final phase. This final phase scares me to no end because it is in this phase that people are unable to walk and eat. I literally can't think about this as his caregiver. I instead have to take it one day, week, and month at a time. The Center has asked me to consider placing my dad in a different classroom at the Center, one that is more geared to address his issues. I have asked them whether we can try this new room for a week and re-evaluate how it is going. 

On top of that, I am once again facing an issue with the shared drive on my computer. This is a system my other half established years ago, because we work with large foundation files and data, and it is the most efficient way to back it up. But today, I went to look at photos and don't you know it.... ALL my folders were empty! Unlike the last time this happened, I now know where they go.... they get dumped without my knowledge to a recycling bin. So I did not panic as much this time around, unlike last year when this first happened! I also have an external drive which holds all my photos, because if I lost Mattie photos, I think I would jump right out the window. So once again, I am moving photos out of the recycling bin and putting them where they belong, but the problem is I don't know why this is happening. I hate technology and when things like this happen, my other half was always my immediate tech support. Now I am on my own, and frankly it is a daunting place to be. 

Wednesday, September 16, 2026

Wednesday, September 16, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2003. Mattie was a year and half old and this photo was snapped of us while we were doing computer time. On occasion, we would sit down and go to educational sites on the internet to read stories, look at numbers and words, and learn to put letters and words together. In addition, PBS had a kids site and there were many sing-a-longs on that site. Mattie loved the TV show, Jay Jay the jet plane, and I can't tell you how many times we sang all those songs together. We would sing, I would bounce Mattie up and down on my lap, as if he was flying around on a jet plane. HE LOVED IT! 

Quote of the day: If you’re searching for a quote that puts your feelings into words – you won’t find it. You can learn every language and read every word ever written – but you’ll never find what’s in your heart. How can you? He has it. ~ Ranata Suzuki

Sometimes I go back in time by looking at the blog. The blog is an historical account of my last 18 years! During this same week in 2021, we were united, working together to renovate the house, decorate it, and getting it ready for us to move my parents in with us in December of 2021. 

Back in September of 2021, we found the perfect spot to hang, Mattie's Mr. Sun! This sun is in a prominent hallway in the house, so everyone can see it. This painting was actually created by Mattie and his art teacher in 2008. She invited him to her studio while he was battling cancer. They worked together for several weekends, and finally I got to see the amazing product. Needless to say, when Mattie died, Mr. Sun, served as the inspiration for his Foundation's Logo.

The logo! Notice that the sun has 7 rays! Each ray represents one of Mattie's years on this earth!

The other project we worked on together in September of 2021, was arranging and hanging my Wall of Mattie. These wonderful photos were a Mother's Day gift to me in 2012. We had them up in the apartment in the city, and when we moved into the house, I wanted them lining this long wall. When we moved into this house, I envisioned our life going a certain way, I would never have guessed how we landed up and honestly my brain struggles with this daily. 

Normally I go grocery shopping on Fridays. But this Friday, Indie has her annual vet appointment. I admit that I do not like capturing Indie, putting her in her carrying case, and taking her to the vet. It is traumatic for both of us. While out shopping today, I decided to stop at Lowe's first, as I wanted to buy a few pansies and mums for my side door. Everything by that door was looking straggly from the summer heat. Here is what it looks like now. 

It is not a big change, but I find pansies are a happy flower and it is the little things that can perk up one's day. 

Tuesday, September 15, 2026

Tuesday, September 15, 2026 --- Mattie died 863 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2003. Mattie was a year and half old and was given this fire engine as a gift from his paternal grandparents. Mattie loved all kinds of vehicles, so this gift made sense for Mattie. Though it was a ride-on toy, Mattie preferred pushing it himself or washing it! As a new mom, my first attempt was to lift Mattie into the seat and show him how it moved. NOT A GOOD PLAN! I learned quickly with Mattie.... he wanted to explore the world in his own way. Therefore I learned to follow his lead. When I say he was my greatest teacher, I am NOT kidding. 

Quote of the day: Just as despair can come to one only from other human beings, hope, too, can be given to one only by other human beings. ~ Elie Wiesel

This morning, my dad and I had a conference call with his neurosurgeon nurse. She has been following my dad's case since December of 2025. Last December, my dad had a brain bleed. I can't account for how this happened to him, as he did not fall on my watch and his memory care center doesn't report a fall either. My dad had no marks, scratches or bruising. Nonetheless, I brought him to the ER last year because he was slurring his speech and was more disoriented and confused than normal. They did a CT scan in the ER, and that was when we found out about the pooling of the blood in the brain. 

Since that time, we have been getting CT scans every three months, to track the blood/fluid, it the hope that it will all get reabsorbed. Today, the nurse explained that the amount of fluid pooling in the brain is the same in comparison to his May CT scan. I believe she and the doctor were hoping that more fluid would have been absorbed by now. Yet given my dad's age, she says it is not unusual for the fluid never to disappear. The goal of course is to have no falls or injuries which could cause the pooling of fluid to increase. She also mentioned that patients in their 80s and 90s, can have spontaneous bleeding, as the skull remains the same shape over time, but the brain shrinks. As it shrinks, the blood vessels in the brain can get stretched and pop, causing pooling of blood. Any case, they want my dad to have another CT scan in January of 2027. So the process continues. 

Later this morning, I called my mortgage company. NO this issue hasn't been put to bed yet! It feels like it will never end, nor will the stress of paying for this hateful process. Naturally whenever I deal with this (which is daily and for months), it makes me reflect on my hateful divorce. Any case, once I assumed the mortgage, I had to purchase a whole new home owner's insurance policy in my name. The insurer sent the policy paperwork to my mortgage company, as this yearly insurance fee gets wrapped into my escrow. Now there is a word, I despise with grand proportion. Why? Because the escrow NEVER stays the same. The only consistent thing for my escrow is it goes up in price significantly every year. 

If you are like me, you are asking, what is an escrow and what is an escrow shortage? I know I always heard these terms, but since I wasn't the financial person in my family, I didn't understand the full ramifications. But just like everything else, I have had a crash course in reality. A mortgage escrow account stores and collects your estimated property taxes and home owner's insurance from your mortgage payment each month, and pays them when they are due. This process protects both you and your mortgage lender from the risk of your taxes not being paid. An escrow shortage is when your mortgage company finds that your account balance has dropped below the required minimum cushion. This occurs only if you have an escrow account tied to your mortgage, and if local tax rates or insurance premiums go up. Homeowners who pay their own taxes and insurance premiums directly—or those whose local costs remain completely flat—never experience an escrow shortage. I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to have completely flat local costs. It NEVER happens! 

All I know is after this hour long call today, in which I spoke to an escrow agent and an agent from the department that oversees homeowner insurance payments, my head was spinning. Both women were lovely, but provided different information. Needless to say, I am glad I called, because the mortgage company was unaware of my new home owner's policy and this policy definitely changes my escrow and the shortage. DELIGHTFUL. So now I wait a week, to get new correspondence from the mortgage lender about my updated escrow shortage. Just like with my mortgage assumption, I was quoted a vast range of fees. So I remain on pins and needles until the exact escrow shortage amount is calculated. Seriously, the financial pressures are overwhelming and this isn't the only thing I face on a daily basis. Each day, I always say to myself.... may tomorrow be a better day. Fortunately I am not holding my breath, because if I did, I would be dead. 

Monday, September 14, 2026

Monday, September 14, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2002. Mattie was five months old! This was a rare photo because Mattie was sitting in his high chair. I tried to slowly introduce Mattie to the chair, without the table. As the table made the chair far more confining. But I knew eventually Mattie was going to out grow his car seat, and he would need a safe place to eat! As you can see, Mattie was enjoying his introduction to peas! What a smile and precious face. 

Quote of the day: There is no greater sorrow than to recall a happy time when miserable. ~ Dante Alighieri

This morning, I had my annual skin check appointment with my dermatologist. My primary care physician recommended I start doing this six years ago. I thought she was crazy, but in my first appointment with the dermatologist she found two pre-cancerous spots. Needless to say, I was grateful my doctor encouraged me to visit a specialist and to do this yearly. My primary care doctor recommended this particular dermatologist at the time, because she was focused on the true practice of dermatology. She wasn't into cosmetic procedures and products. This is clearly where the nature of dermatology practice is going these days, which is why I was so happy to find someone focused on actual skin health. 

Now six years later, my doctor has succumbed to what all the other dermatologists in my area are doing. She can't wait to push surgery, fillers, laser treatments, and you name it. She knows not to try this on me, she learned that in our last visit together! But today, I truly wanted to counsel her to STOP! She is either doing this to herself or paying for these procedures on herself and her face now looks like a squirrel with stuffed nuts in its cheeks. She was a pretty woman to begin with, but now, her features are all changed. She has physically morphed into a different person before my eyes. I certainly understand the need for plastic surgeries for accidents, cancer, and other medical reasons. But to elect to do this to yourself, to pay out of pocket for this, makes me wonder. Where are our priorities as a society? 

After my doctor's appointment, I went to pick up prescriptions for my parents at the pharmacy and then I stopped at our local hallmark store because I wanted to pick up cards and things. As soon as I walked into the store, I asked the store employee what was going on. Around a third of the store seemed to be missing. Counters and display cases were gone. Instead, the remaining items in the store were dispersed throughout the large space. To me there were gaping holes and what immediately came to my mind was..... this store is going to go out of business. I am not sure what is happening, but clearly new products haven't made their way to the store. This saddened me, because to me, Hallmark was once the store I could find little gifts for just about anyone. Now I literally walked in and walked right back out. The feeling of the cavernous space and lack of product depressed me. The internet and on-line purchases are killing all brick and mortar stores. The newer generation loves on-line shopping and they really don't see the sensory advantage of seeing and holding items. Some how between the doctor's office and Hallmark, I came home upset, because these are visual reminders that priorities in our society have been and continue to drastically change, and NOT all change is for the better. 

Tonight, I have my quarterly Mattie Miracle board meeting. Trying to have a meeting at 6pm, is challenging, since that means dinner and everything else will be pushed back until later. There is only one of me, so I have learned I have to cut myself some slack. Of course, whenever I do Mattie Miracle work, I can't help but feel the immense loss of my family unit of three. Been doing this solo for three years, you'd think by now, I would have come to accept these changes. NOPE! Anyone who really knows me, knows I don't like change, especially such life altering emotional changes. 

Sunday, September 13, 2026

Sunday, September 13, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2002. Mattie was five months old and loving rice cereal. You can see the joy in his eyes! Both eating and looking at me, looking at him. Mattie did not like his high chair, so instead, I used his trusty car seat. I do not know where I would have been without that car seat. As it served as a high chair and a place Mattie found cozy to sleep at night. I literally would strap him into the car seat and then place the car seat in his crib. I found that being Mattie's mom inspired me to think outside the box! 

Quote of the day: Do not look for healing at the feet of those who broke you. ~ Rupi Kaur

Look at this beautiful sunflower gift I received in the mail! These are three real sunflowers that have been sealed inside this glass block. The block also lights up. I can't think of a better gift in honor of Mattie's 17th anniversary of his death. Once I became a mom, my perspective changed, and I always thought of life in terms of three... me, my other half, and our beautiful boy. So three is a magic number for me, as it symbolizes the way my family used to be, and in a way, the family that always remains alive in my heart. These sunflowers will light my nights on the darker fall and winter days that are fast approaching. 

The giver of this meaningful gift is my dear friend Cheryl. I have never met Cheryl, but she was related to me through my marriage. So in all reality, she is my cousin Cheryl. She has been a beacon of light for me during my entire separation and divorce. I don't say this lightly as there were very dark emotional times for me, and the notion of jumping out the window sounded like a great idea. But Cheryl would text me thoughts, feelings, and compassion and her words would be absorbed and I would find a way to the next day, and then the next day after that. She has been an emotional lifesaver and the sunflowers are so symbolic of Team Mattie and that incredible love, support, and strength that rallied around my Mattie and me during his cancer journey. 

I took my parents out for lunch today, just like I do every Sunday. While driving to the restaurant, my dad had an irritable bowel syndrome accident. This is nothing new, as this happens every Sunday like clock work. Which means once I get to the restaurant, I have to lay by and take my parents inside, and immediately take my dad to the bathroom and change him. Then I go back out and park the car. I am not doing the experience justice, as it is extremely stressful juggling this alone. While at lunch, out came the game, Qwirkle. Playing the game is the only thing that keeps my parents focused, otherwise, my dad is in a fog and my mom is glued to her phone. I have noticed now three weeks in a row, that when we go out to eat, my mom gets in a funk. She seems unable to eat, she reports having an upset stomach, and truly I do not know who to worry about first at the table. 

Given that we have been going to this restaurant since 2021, we know a good chunk of the servers and managers. So it is not unusual for people to come up to us and start chatting, not unlike today at least four people stopped by and we caught up with each other. In the process, I introduced Qwirkle to each of them and our server loved it so much that she was playing along too.

Saturday, September 12, 2026

Saturday, September 12, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2002. Mattie was five months old. I was gifted this "tummy time" playset. This was a position Mattie absolutely HATED! In theory tummy time is important to help develop neck and upper body muscles. Despite that, I could only put Mattie in this position for about five minutes at a time, as he would get very upset. I believe Mattie disliked this position because it prevented him from moving about and it limited his freedom!

Quote of the day: Have you ever lost someone you love and wanted one more conversation, one more chance to make up for the time when you thought they would be here forever? If so, then you know you can go your whole life collecting days, and none will outweigh the one you wish you had back. ~ Mitch Albom

It was another hard morning, of multiple irritable bowel issues, starting in the shower. By the time I got my dad showered, dressed, and downstairs, I literally had already put in a full day! My dad's physical therapist came over today and she got him to do a walking routine outside. My dad really did not want to go outside, but we encouraged him to get fresh air. Soon it will be too cool for him to do this, so I strongly believe you have to capture these outdoor moments when you can. 

As it is September, I realized this weekend that I had to start crafting the Foundation newsletter. I used to do a newsletter 12 months a year. Then a few years ago, I took August off. Since my separation, I now do not write in July or August. So ramping back up in September is hard, as all the visuals and content come from me. At some point today, the notion of living life without my other half flooded my mind and then it clouded my energy to write a newsletter. After all, we started this Foundation together, and it truly helped to have someone to bounce ideas off of and to brainstorm content and goals. I always felt we were better together. 

Naturally, I had to get a reality check and stop this irrational thinking, otherwise I wouldn't be able to focus and do my best work for Mattie Miracle. So after the physical therapist left today, my parents rested for 90 minutes, and I had uninterrupted time to start figuring out what I wanted to highlight in the upcoming newsletter. As of this evening, the newsletter is well underway and will continue working on it tomorrow.

This afternoon, I took my parents to our local diner. Something we do every Saturday. Since I am typically cooking and cleaning, I appreciate going out a few times a week to break up the work and to have conversations with outsiders. The diner was an absolute zoo today. They had a celebration of life event in one of their rooms and the noise level in the whole restaurant was out of control. You know the kind of intense noise that starts drilling through your head? So between the noise and the whole kitchen staff working on overload, it was a horrible dining experience. Some food came out cold, and some things we ordered never came out at all! I did land up paying the bill, but then I snapped. I called over our server (who we work with every Saturday) and I explained to him that this whole meal should be comped because we are regulars and today's experience was intolerable. Needless to say, the bill was comped. But comped bill or not, my mom came home feeling nauseous and I still feel hungry. 

As I am still watching and processing the 25th anniversary of 9/11. I saw this video clip last night on TV. I never heard this song before, but it resonated with me. Anyone who has been traumatized and isn't sure how to make it through another day, this song illustrates to us.... there is always hope. 

Friday, September 11, 2026

Friday, September 11, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken at the end of September of 2001. The point of this photo at the time was to capture my pregnancy. I was two months pregnant with Mattie and it was an exciting and yet very scary time. The pending notion of being a new mom can be frightening as it is a huge responsibility, but I was also pregnant during 9/11. In fact, on September 11, 2001, I was supposed to have my first obstetrician visit. Of course that never happened, because it was the day the world stopped turning as our Country and region was under attack. This morning my 'former' mother-in-law wrote to me and asked.... where was I on 9/11 when I learned about the towers being struck? I explained to her that I was pregnant, at home, and was watching the horror on TV. While I was home, my other half was at work in the neighboring state of Virginia. People were fleeing the city and he was desperately trying to get back in to me. It is hard to believe this nightmare happened 25 years ago. It is a tragedy that destroyed families, that severely impacted the health of those who survived, and the threat of our safety remains ever present. May we never forget the thousands of people who died on that day and the incredible heroism of the first responders who worked around the clock to search, rescue, and recover victims.  

Quote of the day: It’s the nature of the world that most people have moved on, but the people directly involved with 9/11, for them, twice a day it’s 9/11. ~ Robert Reeg, former FDNY firefighter

It was another difficult day with my dad and his irritable bowel issues. Fortunately after five rounds of clean up, he was able to go to his memory care program, so I could regroup. Regrouping doesn't mean resting.... it means grocery shopping, laundry, and other chores. Given that I know it is 9/11, I feel the depths of the sadness of the day, as I know how traumatic it is to lose a loved one. With time everyone forgets and moves along, but for the bereaved, time doesn't heal all wounds and we never forget. 

Later this afternoon, I took myself outside to the backyard to do more weeding. I find that being outside is the only thing that helps my sadness and anxiety. 

How do you like this huge germanium? I bought this plant in the spring of 2005. It was very small when I purchased it. It grew so well that I winterized it inside the house. I brought it back outside this spring. Can you see on the very top of the plant is a red blossom. Talk about the strength of plants to grow up and toward the sun. 

I absolutely love Mandevillas. They are hearty and can handle our extreme summer heat. They also attract hummingbirds and butterflies!!! So I have many of them around my house. 

This is the first summer that this hibiscus is blooming. I have grown to love this plant and when it starts getting cooler this fall, it will be coming inside for the winter. 

I have four large planters in the backyard. My other half purchased them and planted roses in them. I keep the tradition going!

This is one of my Sunny hibiscuses. I bought them in 2024, the year that Sunny died. They are my tribute to my beautiful Australian Shepherd. I literally transplant them into plastic pots in the Fall and carry the plastic pots into the house. In the spring, I plant them back into the ceramic pots. I have no idea how I haven't killed them yet, but they are survivors, and I love them! 

This photo was taken in June of 2014. Hard to believe this was 12 years ago. We went to the Outer Banks of North Carolina for a week. During our trip, we visited the Elizabethan Gardens. A place we took Mattie and my former in-laws many times. We all loved this amazing botanical garden. During that visit in 2014, we bought a small plant in the gift shop that was featured in the garden.... a butterfly ginger lily!

This is the butterfly ginger lily! When it blooms, the flowers are incredible fragrant and in the shape of a white butterfly. Last summer, I brought the plant outside, but did not put it in direct sunlight. When I winterized it inside, the plant looked like it was dying. This spring, I carried it outside and put the pot in direct sunlight. Ginger Lily is happy and thriving. As crazy as it sounds, this plant is a reminder of my marriage and the bond we shared together, so the notion of it dying, was very upsetting.