Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2003. Though you can not see Mattie's face, you can clearly see that he was fascinated by the squirrel on our balcony. He wasn't pounding on the window or trying to scare the squirrel away, instead, he just stood and watched this animal. Mattie was entranced in a way. I am NOT a fan of squirrels, but as you can see Mattie did not share my dislike!
Quote of the day: Suppressed grief suffocates, it rages within, and is forced to multiply its strength. ~ Ovid
I met up with Ann today to walk, talk, and get fresh air. It was in the 60s today in Washington, DC, but very rainy and stormy. However, we did escape the rain for the most part along our journey. I find that talking makes the walking go by faster. On my way to meet Ann, I was driving, and happened to look down on my dashboard. Mattie's toy lizard sits on my dashboard and was looking back at me. For some reason, at that very moment it hit me that Mattie was not in the car with me. I naturally know that Mattie isn't in the car with me on a regular basis, but today that reality seemed more vivid and more raw. Days, weeks, and months go by, but the loss of Mattie during the quiet and reflective moments of my days are still very real, can still bring me to tears, and I have a feeling this loss will always be a part of me.
I remember years ago when I was in graduate school, one of my dissertation committee members told me the trick to getting this large and seemingly overwhelming research endeavor completed. He said the key was to do something toward the project each day. This was actually great advice, because as you tackle even a small something each day, it motivates you to take on more and to have the courage and strength to continue forward to finish. Completing a dissertation certainly takes ability and skills, but it is also has a very big psychological component attached to it. Not unlike running Mattie's Foundation and upcoming Walk. Both a dissertation and the Foundation work can be exhausting, overwhelming, and can make you doubt your effectiveness. But taking one small step each day toward a goal, does wonders for me. It builds up my confidence which helps to keep me motivated and focused. Each day now, I try to do something Foundation related. Today I wrote a grant to a national corporation to fund merchandise for our upcoming Walk and also went with Ann to Alexandria to solicit a restaurant to donate goods in kind to our Walk raffle. So I have learned that I do not need to do something monumental each day, I just need to do SOMETHING.
When I got home this afternoon, I continued working on my Matisse and Picasso project for Mattie's school. I am learning about the lives of these amazing artists, and also about their conflictual relationship with each other. Both Matisse and Picasso competed artistically with the other, however, they both have admitted that their relationship inspired them to strive and to perfect their own talents. I have been spending a great deal of time locating paintings that would be appropriate for kindergartners to view, which isn't easy given the content Matisse and Picasso tended to capture. Nonetheless, it is my hope that the children connect in some way to the photos I will be showing and that in their own way they identify with the colors, techniques, and the subject matter. The beauty of art is there is NO right or wrong way to interpret what you see. Art is a personal experience and I want the children to appreciate and follow their own instincts as they react to what they see. Some may love Matisse or Picasso and others may not care for either. That is okay. To me art is about the process, the process of absorbing what you are seeing, and discussing how it makes you feel or what it makes you think about. Even "bad" art or art that you can't relate to, invokes some sort of reaction, and I think this is what is important to nurture in children. To allow them the opportunity to see, feel, think, and react. It is crucial for an adult to hear and respond to a child's artistic reactions, because it is through this self-expression that one's self identity and meaning unfold.
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