Tuesday, February 14, 2012 -- Mattie died 127 weeks ago today. Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2008, only two months before Mattie was diagnosed with cancer. Each spring Mattie would collect tent caterpillars. We do not have any where we live, but both his preschool and kindergarten in Alexandria had plenty of them in their outdoor green spaces. Mattie would transport several caterpillars home and together we would put them into two different jars. We would clean the jars each day and also make sure the caterpillars had plenty of oak leaves to eat. We learned quickly, by using our own scientific method, that tent caterpillars won't eat maple leaves or any other kind of greenery. Together we watched the 5 to 6 day metamorphosis process take place and eventually when the moths hatched, we would release them in a ceremony on our deck. We did this four Springs in a row, Mattie started this ritual in 2005.
Quote of the day: To live only for some future goal is shallow. It's the sides of the mountain that sustain life, not the top. ~ Robert M. Pirsig
Despite what is weighing on my mind, I did go to zumba today. It was a great hour where I forgot about tests and diagnoses for a while. After zumba I met up with Ann and we walked close to three miles together and then had lunch. We talked about normal things which was fine with me, but toward the end of the afternoon, we naturally resorted to my situation. I would like to forget what is happening right now and imagine that there isn't a problem at hand. But in all reality the more I research the issue, the more I see that my condition has two possibilities. It is either benign or it is malignant. The problem is however that unless these masses can be biopsied, then we do not know which issue I have. As I continued reading, I see why my doctors are in a quandary. They are in a quandary because these masses are typically misdiagnosed, because on scans they can look like the other. So clearly my readers are saying.... well just get it biopsied. Unfortunately, these masses may be in a location that isn't safe to biopsy. I will know the definitive answer to this on Thursday, but having some knowledge is a dangerous thing, and I also know that if cancer isn't caught early it can be deadly. So right now I find that we are once again living a very challenging existence that changes from minute to minute.
At one point today I honestly did not even realize we were in February and it was Valentine's day. That is until Peter surprised me with a card. I was never a big Valentine's day person anyway, because to me if you love and care about a person, that should be shown every day of every year. Not quarantined to just February 14.
One thing is for sure, I am blessed with wonderful friends. Friends who gave me cookies, candy, and lunch today. In addition, awaiting me at my complex's front desk was a dozen treats from Georgetown Cupcake from a dear friend who understood chocolate was needed! In addition, I went to Mattie's mailbox and a friend and colleague of mine who lives in Iowa and is a quilter had a mini-fundraiser in her studio and she surprised me with the proceeds she generated for Mattie Miracle. I try to stand back and assess the aspects of good fortune in my life. In so many ways, my friends are the "sides of the mountain" which tonight's quote so aptly points out "sustain life."
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