Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2009. It was close to Valentine's Day and one of Mattie's friends gave him this huge lollipop as a gift. The candy was bigger than Mattie's head. When Mattie's nurse, Erin, came into the room he couldn't wait to show her his latest gift! However, he wanted Erin to have a lollipop for the picture, so he handed her this smaller tootsie roll pop! So in reality this was a picture that was purposefully meant to display a comparison of gifts. Mattie felt special to have such a big piece of candy and truly was proud of it and that his friends had remembered him.

Quote of the day: Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much. ~ Helen Keller

I began my day by drinking 36 fluid ounces of water in under two hours. This may not sound like a lot of water, but for someone like myself, you might as well have asked me to drink the ocean. It felt like the equivalent. Because of how I have been feeling over the last month, my urologist, asked me to complete an intravenous urogram. This is a radiological procedure used to visualize abnormalities of the urinary system, including the kidneys, ureters, and bladder.

The test took place at Virginia Hospital Center (VHC), which was my hospital before Mattie developed cancer. In fact, Mattie was born at this hospital and also diagnosed with cancer at VHC. Going back to VHC holds various memories for me, good and the horrific. All my prenatal care was done at VHC as well, and to me this hospital helped to bring Mattie into this world and at the same time, through his diagnosis on July 23, 2008, they helped to take him away.

As I headed to the radiology department, I naturally couldn't shake from my head the afternoon of July 23. I remember taking Mattie to the hospital for what I thought was going to be a quick x-ray to determine if he fractured or broke a bone. I honestly in my right mind would never have guessed I would receive the news of Osteosarcoma. That word and the scene of how I received that news will be permanently etched into my mind.

Mattie taught me about every scanning procedure possible, so I knew exactly what to expect with a ct scan today, accept for the actual feeling of being injected with a contrasting dye. Mattie always hated that dye, but it wasn't until today did I have the foggiest understanding why. As soon as the dye goes into your vein, it feels like your body is on fire from head to toe. Fortunately my tech prepared me for this feeling and told me how long it would last. But from a six year old's perspective this had to be down right frightening for Mattie. The ironic part is after the test was over, the contrasting dye left me shivering and I had to sit down in the hospital and drink hot tea to gain composure. I am a very sensitive person and over 14 months at Georgetown, I learned to read the techs' expressions and actions very well. I could immediately sense when they saw something on a scan, and this usually meant that the scanning process was going to take longer so they could get additional data and views of Mattie. I am also used to receiving devastating news, so until I get the scan report and results, I will be on edge.

Later in the day, I met up with Ann, who took me to lunch and then we walked together in the fresh air. It was another beautiful day, in the 70s, and it felt like spring. I would be happy to eliminate winter altogether, because I find I just feel better when it is warm. At lunch today, we bumped into one of Mattie's first preschool teachers, Lana. It is funny, because the last time we were at this restaurant we saw Lana as well. Lana is an avid blog reader and Mattie supporter, and it is always nice to catch up with her and share stories. In a way, each person who knew Mattie is a part of his living history.

I spent the rest of the day working on the symposium and had a delightful conversation with the CEO of a cancer organization in Sacramento, CA. This professional is very interested in our symposium and is planning on attending. I am simply thrilled and value this kind of support.