Sunday, May 6, 2012

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2009. I happen to love this picture and I distinctly remember capturing this moment in time. At that point, Mattie's chemotherapy regimen was coming to an end and in a few weeks he was headed for a sternotomy, to remove the tumors in his lungs. It was after that point, we thought Mattie could then focus 100% of his time on rehabilitation. That unfortunately never happened. Mattie never got a break, because only six weeks off of aggressive chemotherapy, his cancer had spread everywhere. Anna, Mattie's physical therapist, was encouraging him to blow bubbles in this picture and to exercise his lungs. What you may not be able to decipher however, was the level of conversation between the two of them. Mattie seriously did not want to blow bubbles, much less move his body. He was tired and did not have the desire, interest, or energy to engage in physical therapy. Yet despite that, Anna kept on trying and the negotiations back and forth were memorable. Anna and Mattie had a great rapport with each other, and I always appreciated Anna, because she was the one professional on Mattie's care team who was always honest with me about the complexities of Mattie's surgeries and how it would be challenging to regain his strength and the ability to walk again, especially while on chemotherapy.


Quote of the day: Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power. ~ Tao Te Ching


For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to put framed pictures of Mattie along the long wall, cascading down our staircase. Almost like a gallery of Mattie, celebrating his life. I wanted to do this when he was healthy, but somehow never found the time. I suppose we were too busy trying to live and keep him busy, happy, and engaged. However, now that Mattie is no longer physically present in our lives, my desire to establish this special wall, only grew deeper with time. As a mother's day gift this year, Peter purchased me a set of 21 frames as well as ordered pictures for each of the frames. Over the course of the past two weekends, we have been putting pictures into the frames and trying to figure out how we wanted to display them. Today was the day we actually implemented a plan. We worked together to design how we wanted these photos of Mattie displayed, and after several hours of work, I can say I think the wall looks fabulous. I will share pictures of this new addition next week as we get closer to mother's day.

Mother's day is advertised everywhere. I particularly love watching the Hallmark commercials, steering you into their stores to buy cards for mom. They practically claim that they have a card for almost any mom, though I highly doubt they make a card for me. After all, how do I celebrate and acknowledge mother's day? Yes I was a mom, but I am no longer one, and there is no longer a little person in my life to acknowledge this day with me. It is a day fraught with issues, as are so many special occasions and holidays now.

As with any home improvement project, as soon as you start concentrating on one area, then every other area starts to bother you and need attention. So at one point today I was working on three different parts of our home at the same time. Between that and Foundation items, I am wiped out tonight. So I am signing off but as always I appreciate you checking in and for helping us get the word out about the 3rd annual Mattie Miracle Childhood Cancer Walk on May 20, 2012.