Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Tuesday, August 7, 2012 -- Mattie died 152 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2006. Creating and building with Legos was a daily occurrence in our household. Mattie had Lego bricks of all sizes, shapes, and colors, and typically he would build a structure, just so he would have a backdrop to play in, around, or with. He would create cities, train stations, boats, or houses for example, which after he created them he would then devise all sorts of imaginative play scenarios.


Quote of the day: Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love. ~ Lao Tzu

I began my day with a light bulb miraculously exploding out of its ceiling socket, hitting me on the shoulder, and then crashing to the floor in a million pieces. I have to admit, that has never happened to me before, nor did I know what hit me initially, since it happened so fast. A bulb hitting me and shattering into pieces seemed symbolic of something, and therefore, I wasn't sure what the rest of the day had in store for me.

I headed to my zumba class today, and as usual had a good time. Jenny gets us moving, energized, and also creates a positive atmosphere in which members of the class chat with each other and get to know one another. After class, Jenny and I chatted for a while, and I enjoyed this opportunity to connect. I met Jenny in 2008, when Mattie entered kindergarten. Jenny's daughter and Mattie were in the same class together. I would have to admit that if Mattie were still alive, I most likely would not be attending an exercise class. Mostly because when Mattie was occupied in school that was prime time for me to get things accomplished work wise. Also, Mattie's school and my work community gave me many opportunities for social interactions. Since Mattie's death, my time and connections with others have changed. Therefore, in many ways, going to zumba provides much more than exercise for me, it provides structure to my day and it has given me the opportunity to meet people.

After class, I went to visit my friend Mary, who lives in an assisted living facility. We spent several hours together and I feel that tonight's quote captures the interaction we had with each other. Mary, her caregiver Shayla, and I chatted about all sorts of things, and I truly enjoy seeing Mary engaged and participating at times. Mary and I met each other while Mattie was battling cancer. We then spent a great deal of time together after Mattie died, and while her husband was dying. Our time together and our conversations with each other were filled with kindness and mutual respect. Through that kindness, I do believe as Tzu points out confidence, profoundness, and love were created. I feel certain of this based on the fact that Mary entrusted me today with her reflections on her life and her condition. Sometimes such reflections are hard to share with those we are related to, which is why I feel honored that Mary felt she could share this with me. Mary's simple statements made me pause, not brush them aside or placate her feelings, but instead listen to them and reflect on what she was saying. At the end of the day, what it comes down to is I told Mary that I admire her strength and courage because aging with a neurological disease is not easy especially when one has lucid moments and is aware of the profound changes and limitations on one's life.