Tuesday, November 13, 2012 -- Mattie died 166 weeks ago today. Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2008. Peter was holding a model magic cake that Mattie designed for him. It was a cake in honor of Peter's birthday. Today is Peter's birthday and four years ago we celebrated Peter's day in Mattie's hospital room. Mattie told all the Hospital staff that it was his father's birthday, and literally Mattie got everyone involved. He had Linda (his Child Life Specialist) order cupcakes and Jenny and Jessie (Mattie's Art Therapists) helped him with gifts. In fact, Peter was so touched by this model magic cake that he worked very hard to preserve it (even the candles!). This cake still sits on Peter's dresser in our bedroom.
Quote of the day: A gift consists not in what is done or given, but in the intention of the giver or doer. ~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Birthdays are funny things for Peter and I. Certainly as one gets older the thought of celebrating a birthday isn't as much fun as when we were kids. But our chronological age is not what stops us from celebrating. The loss of Mattie is what causes us to pause. Recently someone told me a story of a woman I have gotten to know in passing. This woman has experienced her own set of losses. Not the loss of a child to cancer, but a loss nonetheless. Life did not turn out the way she had planned or hoped. My friend was telling me that in so many ways this woman's life is stuck. Though the nature of our issues are different, I get this stuck feeling all too well, and I suspect unless you have experienced feeling stuck from a traumatic loss, you may find yourself confused by what I am saying and instead be asking yourself.... why can't you just get unstuck?!
Yesterday I told Peter that I made reservations tonight for us to go out to dinner. Though I know he doesn't feel like celebrating, I told him he is worth it and if that didn't convince him, then I explained that I was doing this for Mattie. After the hoopla Mattie had planned for Peter's birthday at the Hospital in 2008, I figured Mattie would be very disappointed in me if we did nothing today. So needless to say, Peter agreed to go out to dinner.
I wish I could say that candy collections are over, but they are NOT! Here is today's batch that I picked up and needs to be sorted. I am delivering all the candy to the Hospital on Monday and it is my hope that by that time, it will all be sorted and weighed. At the moment I am losing space in our home, and frankly I feel like I am living in a candy store. I have a good sense of what working in a chocolate factory must smell like. 
Here is a photo I took this afternoon. Are you getting the picture?! Candy everywhere!!! Patches is overseeing the process and she just doesn't know what to make out of all these Ziploc bags. The running total now is 82 (2.5gallon) Ziploc bags!!! But this doesn't include today's significant candy pick up! My friend Tina told me that our snack cart has inspired one local Girl Scout troop. The troop is thinking of starting their own cart at a neighboring hospital, since they enjoyed contributing to our candy drive. A lovely piece of news to receive! 
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