Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2004. Mattie was two and a half years old. It is funny to think about the way our living room looked like back then! It was filled with all sorts of toys, vehicles, and every Lego piece imaginable. As you can see Mattie was busy with toys that moved in front of him, yet was happy enough to stop for a brief second to smile for a photo! Also in the distance on the floor was a green sippy cup! FILLED WITH MILK. Mattie was very attached to his sippy cup, it never was too far from him. I always joked that he would have the strongest bones around given the amount of milk he drank.... so it was particularly upsetting when he developed bone cancer. Of course one thing has nothing to do with the other, but somehow I still associated the intake of milk with bone health.
Quote of the day: The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,but true beauty in a Woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she knows. ~ Audrey Hepburn
On Friday, Peter had another client meeting in Boston. So he flew to Boston and then spent the weekend there with his family. I literally have so much work to do, I could have worked the entire three days, but my friends kept me busy in between with their holiday events or activities. Typically this is NOT something I would agree to participate in, but this year I tried it out. On Friday, I went to my friend's neighborhood holiday party, on Saturday, I went to my friend's daughter's birthday party, and today I went with my friend Tina out to brunch with her family. It has been a full social weekend.
Last night, at my friend's daughter's birthday party, I was surrounded by 12 girls ALL of whom were Mattie's age. Well the age that he would be if he were alive today. In fact, just to put things into context if Mattie were alive today, he would be in school with many of these girls. If you analyze this too closely it is hard not to go insane, not to want to scream, lose it, get crazy, bitter, jealous, or you pick the adjective. Somehow in order to keep those emotions in check I think this requires great restraint, great personal insight, self evaluation, and honestly. After all, I realize no one is going to sit down with me and have a chat about how hard this has got to be for me and empathize. I know I have to learn how to manage myself and integrate into society or society will shut me out and move on without me. It is truly that plain and simple. These are my feelings, perceptions, and experiences to date.
During the party I had the opportunity to work with a group of four seventh grade girls. These girls did not know me, they did not know my story, nor did they know Mattie. So to them, I was just an adult. Not an adult who was broken in any way, or had lost a child. Or better yet in their mind, to them I was just like any other female adult they knew..... a mom. I say this because they freely dialogued with me while I was driving them to the party's activity and they wanted to know my opinion about various topics. This is not something that typically happens when I am with children who once knew me, they are more reticent to talk with me and just like so many people in my life discount my insights when it comes to being a parent or role model. Which in a way further compounds my pain and loss.
I realize parenting teenagers is complex, but unfortunately I will never know what this will be like with Mattie. I do think that making the investment up front, developing a relationship and a bond in the early years of development, helps manage crises in the later years. Since by that point communication patterns and coping styles are formed between parent and child. We invested a lot of time in Mattie's development and I would have hoped it would have paid off later in his life. Talking to the girls in my car last night, made me pause because in so many ways when I interact with young people who are preteens and teens, I can start to sense the person they are becoming. What the values are that they are exposed to in their homes, whether communication is important, whether there is respect for other's thoughts and feelings and whether active listening is being thought. If children are not experiencing it with their parents, then they are not going to know how to give it to others.
Brunch itself was a beautiful food experience! Especially if you are a person who appreciates food. There were three very thoughtful and creative food stations. One station was equivalent to the ultimate raw bar filled with shrimp, crab, oysters, mussels, and sushi. The display was very enticing. I think what truly seemed unique to me was a station filled with all types of salads. One would think how creative and special can salads be??? Well the answer is..... Very!!! I experienced salads of all kinds today, and in all reality one could have made a meal on that alone and been extremely happy. They were delicious. Then of course the last station was of hot foods that covered traditional brunch favorites to luncheon treats like salmon encrusted with crab. But it did not end there.... there was literally an entire room dedicated to DESSERTS! Surrounding the desserts was a toy train display, something that immediately reminded me of Mattie! It was a food experience to remember that was accompanied by friendship and conversation. A winner combination.
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