Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2009. If Mattie was using his walker, I know that meant he was involved in a physical therapy session of some sort on the floor. Rarely could I get Mattie to walk otherwise. It was just too tiresome and painful. Walking caused Mattie to expend a great deal of energy, energy he just did not have given his intensive chemotherapy treatments and the fact that he never had time to regain strength from his limb salvaging surgeries. Of course for Mattie it was very depressing and upsetting to be immobilized and so dependent on everyone and this explained a great deal of the personality changes that took place within him as his disease took further hold of his life. He no longer wanted to engage with others, let them in his life, and he did not want to be a part of the healthy world. The healthy world did not understand him and even at age seven he was perceptive enough to know that he was different.
Quote of the day: I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched. ~ Edgar Allan Poe
Poe's quote seems so poignant and telling! For me experiencing Mattie's cancer touched my heart in unimaginable ways. As a human being and as a parent. Which maybe why at times while caring for Mattie in the hospital I felt like I was going insane and now while grieving the feeling remains. It is a different feeling of hopelessness and despair, but it a feeling nonetheless. We all have different things that drive us to what Poe would call "insanity." But I do agree with his sentiments that what can cause and wreck havoc on the mind and body are mostly driven by emotions.
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