Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2003. Mattie was 14 months old and he was full of energy. Mattie loved his foam letters, which he was sitting on. It was actually like a huge puzzle that served as a mat. Sometimes Mattie would totally disassemble the mat, toss the pieces around, incorporate them in his play and then eventually re-assemble the puzzle mat back together.
Quote of the day: Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand. ~ Shel Silverstein
The theme for the week, and mind you it is ONLY Tuesday, seems to be..... what happens when life gives you things that you hadn't expected and planned for? I see this theme playing out not only with Peter and me, but in several of the people and close friends I know. It leaves us in an existential quandary. Now one could say that part of this is developmental.... it is our stage in life. Perhaps! But on the other hand in each situation, each one of us is touched by grief, illness and/or a trauma. Such aspects have changed our lives, how we feel about ourselves, how we relate to others, and worse the trajectory of our future. The irony is these are not simple conversations to have and you can't just have them with anyone. But out of the blue today I had a friend approach me who needed a listening ear. This is someone I do not know well, but as I began listening to her, I realized..... I could totally understand what she was talking about. Because at the at the heart of the matter she was talking about disappointments, giving 100% to others and not getting that in return, and feeling abandoned by certain friends. What it comes down to is, one is never too old to learn about friendships and how to balance expectations that we have for others, while staying true to our own character, values, and what defines us and makes us special. Of course when deeply upset with those we are close to, it at times is a natural instinct to protect ourselves and just walk away. Yet, to me, if a friendship is worth anything, then it is worth the dialogue and process of working through the conflict that can arise from disagreements and misunderstandings. It is worth the effort to try to communicate and express one's feelings to make the relationship stronger and to be clear about one's needs and expectations. Though I am very aware that it takes two people to work on a friendship and sometimes such expectations and the desire to do this are not shared. Therefore this is when relationships need to be re-assessed, evaluated, and determined as to what extent they will play in our lives moving forward. So part one of this week's running theme is .....what happens when the friends we thought would always be there are no longer there?
Part II's theme is somewhat related to Part I, but Part II can also stand on its own merit. The issue is the isolation, sadness, and depression that evolves from feeling different. We all have a set notion of what our life will look like as we are growing up, and as we age, if it doesn't go down this imagined path, this can really be disillusioning. One may think one's destiny is under one's control, but in all reality that truly isn't how it works. A great deal has to do with happenstance and luck. Of course when bad and difficult things happen to us or in those around us, it takes great strength not to completely shut down, block out the world, be bitter, angry, and jealous. Naturally there are times all of these things do happen, and frankly that is okay! I am not sure how they couldn't unless we had super human powers. Yet what does take super human powers is finding our way through this muck, through the despair, and finding hope and meaning again to manage through the next day. Which helps us through the next week and month. Until the next low starts the cycle all over again.
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