Sunday, February 19, 2017Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2003, during Mattie's first birthday party! I think Mattie was born ON! In fact my joke was he had two speeds.... on and off and nothing in between. Mattie did not quite understand the whole notion of a birthday party, but we decorated everything with Mattie's favorite character.... ELMO and invited family over. I had games for all the kids and Mattie observed everything. However, I would say because of Mattie's sensory issues, the noise from the party was overwhelming for him. I remember he and I retreated upstairs several times away from everyone because Mattie was truly upset and crying. Of course by year two, Mattie fully understood the notion of a party and was excited to be a part of it.
Quote of the day: The day my son was born my life changed completely. ~ Treat Williams
During the party, I started talking to a woman whose husband is dying from cancer. She was getting ready to retire so they both could spend their future together, but of course she never planned for cancer severing that plan. I listened to her story and shared my thoughts, but never told her about Mattie. I find hearing about someone else's loss while experiencing your own.... NOT HELPFUL at all.
Nonetheless, how does it feel for me to lose my only child to cancer and then attend a one year old birthday party today? If I said it was easy, I would be lying. I try to be happy for the proud and happy parents, but of course a part of me says..... I was in their same shoes at one time and then my world came crashing down. I don't understand and most likely never will why some children are chosen to get cancer and die.
1 comment:
Vicki, While I have not lost a child to cancer, I reflect often why a child gets cancer & dies and others don't. Why does so much good with very little unhappiness find its way to other people while many experience the exact opposite. Of course, I have no answer yet, I frequently ask the question to myself because the unfairness is so striking.
I believe attending events like this are hard. The little girl is beautiful. Being asked to be a godparent is such an honor, yet hard at the same time most probably hard for you! It must be impossible in most daily encounters to think how different life would be if Mattie had lived and not suffered terribly before Cancer took his life. You & Peter live with the loss of Mattie and all the months of treatment before he died. The pictures of you & Peter with this little girl are lovely.
Thanks for posting Mattie's picture with Peter. Your quote and this picture are one of several reasons, your blog means lot to me✨
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