Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2007. We took Mattie to Pennsylvania that Memorial Day weekend. As we were driving, we saw a farm and this huge rainbow colored thing in the field. So literally we pulled over to check it out. What was it? A trampoline, but at ground level. Mattie and Peter had a great time jumping up and down and I will never forget that moment in time. As it wasn't planned and NONE of us expected a trampoline to be embedded in a farm field.
Quote of the day: When someone you love dies, and you’re not expecting it, you don’t lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time — the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. Just when the day comes — when there’s a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that she’s gone, forever — there comes another day, and another specifically missing part. ~ John Irving
I went to see my urologist today. Since 2009, she has been seeing me every 3-4 months for TEN YEARS. My joke is I have put her children through college. However, after Mattie died, I developed many physical issues, the bladder being one area of concern. When I was referred to her, I was not in a good place emotionally, but I put up with her personality because she was deemed a competent provider.
Now ten years later, I can definitely say with confidence that she medically knows her stuff. She has even referred me to great doctors like my gyn-oncologist and my kidney specialist. However, she bedside manner leaves a lot to be desired. On occasion, I have told her off. Especially when she was upset with me for paging her after hours while I was having a full blown UTI. She is a talker, typically one way, and I truly do not think she always understands that patients have feelings and sometimes we are in pain and need attention immediately.
When I saw her for my check up today, she told me that her father died. Her father was a surgeon by training and he and her mom have been married close to 60 years. The point of the story was she was telling me that her mom is now very depressed and is being watched constantly because of the concern of suicide. I could clearly see that my doctor was overwhelmed and wanted to know what to do with her mom!
As she was expressing herself and talking a mile a minute, I just listened. After which I said to her that there are NO fixes. She can't want her mom to feel better, to move on, or to focus her attention on volunteering. When someone is in this much pain, the only thing we can do for a loved on is to be present, to listen, and listen, and listen some more. I realize what I was expressing to her was counter intuitive because medical doctors want to prescribe something, initiate a plan, or see immediate change. Unfortunately there is nothing immediate about accepting loss and trying to re-engage with the world.
Certainly the 15 psychosocial standards of care that Mattie Miracle envisioned are crucial, but I would say standard 14 (bereavement) maybe one of the MOST needed standards in the health care profession. As helping families cope and manage living after a significant death is practically non-existent. Families for the most part are left on their own to navigate in their world, a world that no longer makes sense to them, a world that seems insensitive to the loss, and a world that doesn't understanding that some losses are forever losses.
I wanted to ask my doctor where her mom lives, because frankly I think her mom and I would relate to each other. Normalizing how one feels in loss is actually very helpful. Because without this, it is very easy to think something is wrong with us, that we are going crazy!
Susan and several of her students came to the Walk to surprise participants with a Flash Mob to the ABBA song, Mamma Mia.
The lady in the photo all the way on the right is Ali. Ali is the daughter of Margaret. Margaret was Mattie's preschool teacher and my close friend who died from ALS in 2014. Margaret was committed to Mattie Miracle and Ali has picked up where her mom left off. In addition, all of Ali's children participate in Foundation activities. Do you see the little girl on the front right? That is Charlotte, Ali's daughter. Charlotte was our youngest volunteer at the Walk this year, helping people under our craft tent.
This is team 'Mattie Moon' and 'That Walk Team' (captained by my friend Peggy). We took a joint photo together. Peggy helped raise close to $12,000 for the Foundation this year.
Mattie Moon was comprised of my family and close friends. I am so proud of our team this year, because they raised over $8,400 for the Foundation.
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