Mattie Miracle Walk 2023 was a $131,249 success!

Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation Promotional Video

Thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive!

Dear Mattie Blog Readers,

It means a great deal to us that you take the time to write to us and to share your thoughts, feelings, and reflections on Mattie's battle and death. Your messages are very meaningful to us and help support us through very challenging times. To you we are forever grateful. As my readers know, I promised to write the blog for a year after Mattie's death, which would mean that I could technically stop writing on September 9, 2010. However, at the moment, I feel like our journey with grief still needs to be processed and fortunately I have a willing support network still committed to reading. Therefore, the blog continues on. If I should find the need to stop writing, I assure you I will give you advanced notice. In the mean time, thank you for reading, thank you for having the courage to share this journey with us, and most importantly thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive.


As Mattie would say, Ooga Booga (meaning, I LOVE YOU)! Vicki and Peter



The Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation celebrates its 7th anniversary!

The Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation was created in the honor of Mattie.

We are a 501(c)(3) Public Charity. We are dedicated to increasing childhood cancer awareness, education, advocacy, research and psychosocial support services to children, their families and medical personnel. Children and their families will be supported throughout the cancer treatment journey, to ensure access to quality psychosocial and mental health care, and to enable children to cope with cancer so they can lead happy and productive lives. Please visit the website at: www.mattiemiracle.com and take some time to explore the site.

We have only gotten this far because of people like yourself, who have supported us through thick and thin. So thank you for your continued support and caring, and remember:

.... Let's Make the Miracle Happen and Stomp Out Childhood Cancer!

A Remembrance Video of Mattie

January 18, 2020

Saturday, January 18, 2020

Saturday, January 18, 2020

Tonight's picture was taken in January of 2003. Mattie was 9 months old and sitting in his high chair. Mattie was not in love with his high chair and it took many months to get him used to sitting in it. At three and four months old, he preferred eating in his car seat! There was something confining about the high chair and it clearly bothered Mattie. Unlike me, Mattie wasn't really motivated by food. He did not seek food out and meal times with Mattie were more like calisthenics for us, than about consuming food. I would say by the time Mattie was five years old, he got the hang of sitting at a table and eating as a family. 


Quote of the day: Your memory is the glue that binds your life together; everything you are today is because of your amazing memory. You are a data collecting being, and your memory is where your life is lived. ~ Kevin Horsley


Typically I am not a social media fan, but sometimes it does come in handy. I have reconnected with my college friend, Audrey, through linked in. She mentioned in a posting that she has a Halloween photo from college that sits on her desk. I was intrigued by her posting, so I wrote to her and I asked her who was in the photo. Audrey sent me this photo through email! Audrey is in stripes and in the back row were my college roommates, Huma and Leslie. 


If Horsley's quote is accurate and memories are the glue that binds my life together, then I have a big problem. As I remember dressing up for Halloween in college, but I have NO recollection ever taking this photo and I couldn't even tell you where this photo was taken. As I recognized nothing about the scenery! So I wrote to my friend Leslie, who was my freshman college roommate, and we remain connected. Leslie fortunately remembered that the photo was taken at the apartment she lived in during our senior year. I had to dig deep, because I did not even recall Leslie living off campus. So much for my memory! 

Perhaps this happens to all of us...... that we forget certain moments in time. Yet I am also aware of having two halves to my life. My life before Mattie was diagnosed with cancer and my life after Mattie died. I do not know whether trauma research has delved into how trauma affects our pre-trauma memories..... meaning how did Mattie's cancer treatment and death impact how I remember my life prior to this trauma? Typically when talking about trauma what is discussed is how one may re-experience the original trauma through flashbacks or nightmares and avoid stimuli associated with the trauma, as well as have increased arousal (such as difficulty falling or staying asleep and anger). I absolutely know without a doubt that the trauma of Mattie's treatment and death has left me with increased arousal. I skew much more anxious now, I can feel agitated and jumpy easily and ten years later, all of this still impacts my sleep. 

However, with that said I would say that trauma impacts one's ability to concentrate, the ability to filter out certain noises around us, and the ability to remember. Prior to Mattie being diagnosed, I could read and concentrate anywhere! It did not matter if people around me were talking or music was blaring. Now forget it! I can't process anything I read unless I am in a quiet setting without other distractions around me. I am very attuned to how I have changed because of Mattie's cancer, and seeing this college photo this week reminded me..... that yes there is a cognitive component to trauma. 

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