Tonight's picture was taken on February 4, 2009. You maybe asking yourself, what in the world was happening here? What was happening was a physical therapy session for Mattie. Ironically, Mattie wasn't the one doing the physical therapy! Instead, he had me and Anna (his physical therapist) down on the floor. Mattie wanted us first to do the activity (Twister) before he'd try it! This wasn't an unusual request from Mattie, as I was used to being the guinea pig! But Anna was a good sport that day, as we both took direction from Mattie and played along. To me it was very important to be part of the process and for Mattie to know that I wasn't going to ask him to do anything I wouldn't do myself.
Quote of the day: Have you ever found yourself, in the midst of unimaginable grief, pain, heartache, or despair, wondering how you are going to make it through another day? Wondering where your next breath is going to come from? Your world has crumbled beneath you and has left you feeling shattered, empty, and hopeless. And then a well meaning friend or family member comes along and drops the infamous “Everything happens for a reason” bomb. You smile kindly and nod. That’s all you can do to keep yourself from punching them in the face. ~ Christine Suhan
Last night Peter and I went to a Super Bowl party. It was an interesting experience because I would say only about a third of us did not want to see the game. This third landed up chatting and eating, while others watched the game in a different room. While talking with some of the women, one woman told us that "everything happens for a reason." I listened to the context she was using this trite saying and I certainly appreciated what she was saying/sharing. But to me this is a platitude that needs to be shot down and shot down quickly. Because in all reality there are horrible things that people experience, have to live with, and also have to find ways to move forward while carrying such emotional baggage. Frankly there is NO GOOD POSSIBLE REASON to explain away the horrors that happen to us.
People use this expression when bad things happen to us. I am not sure who they think this saying helps, but chances are it isn't the recipient. I told this woman, as it related to me, that I did not need to lose Mattie to cancer in order to know the importance of helping other people. Long before Mattie got cancer, I chose a profession that helps people and I even got a license to do just that. So I did not need to see my six year old struggling through cancer treatment and then die in a horrific manner to become a compassionate and charitable person. Unfortunately there is NO OTHER way to interpret..... things happen for a reason! There are no good reasons and instead, we need to eliminate this nonsense from our lexicon.
The following article caught my attention, Let Go Of The Myth That Everything Happens For A Reason: Try This Instead.... Failure and loss are inevitable, but trying to rationalize them can be the last thing you need to do. In particular these two excerpts from the article I found most poignant....................
But, I've always found it profoundly unsettling and extraordinarily selfish to believe that the sole purpose of life's heartaches, failures, losses, illnesses, and assorted derailments is to teach us some fateful lesson that we have been preordained to learn. A failed business, a severe illness, divorce, the loss of a loved one, dashed dreams, natural disasters, each is excruciating in its own unique way. But, the idea that life's unfairness is somehow supposed to be justified by a scripted reason is to me the ultimate abdication of accountability; hell, why mince words, it's outright lazy.
Its' About Creating Meaning, Not Finding Reason................When my mother struggled for nearly a decade with a horrid disease that robbed her of mobility and cognition one synapse at a time I repeatedly tried to tell myself that there was a reason. Otherwise all of that pain and suffering was for nothing. Each time I'd have that thought I'd then look at her and think, "Whatever I may be learning about the fragility and value of life, how could I possibly justify a reason for her pain?" Was the world created with reasons to teach me lessons at the expense of someone else's suffering? What I realized was that it didn't happen for some predetermined prescriptive reason. Instead it was my responsibility to create something much more important than a reason--I had to create meaning.
The author of this article and I are on the same wavelength. In fact, I pushed back on this woman last night who used this trite saying with me and instead I told her that there are no good reasons for why bad things happen. The best we can do, as we try to move forward and live with them, is to find meaning from these bad experiences. Which I believe is what Mattie Miracle is all about. Peter and I have no reasons to explain why Mattie was diagnosed with cancer. But from Mattie's battle we learned that childhood cancer is not just about the medicine. We take that lesson with us each day as we try to create meaning from Mattie's suffering by helping other children and families.
It's not about reason, it's about meaning! I love it!!!
Let Go Of The Myth That Everything Happens For A Reason: Try This Instead.....Failure and loss are inevitable, but trying to rationalize them can be the last thing you need to do:
https://www.inc.com/thomas-koulopoulos/its-time-to-say-it-everything-does-not-happen-for-a-reason.html
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