Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2008. I am quite certain that at the time I captured this photo to document all the packing boxes we had in our two by four of a hospital room. All of Mattie's treatment team knew he LOVE creating with boxes. So when big boxes came in, they saved them for Mattie. I did not mind one bit to have them stacked all over the room. I was open to anything and everything that engaged Mattie, entertained him, and brought some sort of happiness to his life. Mattie used these boxes to create just about everything such as cars, boats, and even an apartment building.
Quote of the day: It is never too late to be what you might have been. ~ George Eliot
George Eliot's quote resonates with me, and frankly came at the right time. I needed to hear this! Why? Well several things set me off today. Primarily I have been reflecting upon the intense caregiving roles I have taken on in life. Particularly during crucial times in my professional development, caregiving has popped up, diverting my goals, wishes, and trajectory as a professional.
Case in point, in 2008, I was just elected to be the president of the American Mental Health Counselors Association. A professional association representing over 6,000 professionals nationally. I was the youngest person to ever be elected president. I had high hopes for my year as president and felt this would be the launching point for other more significant leadership positions. What happened? Mattie was diagnosed with cancer. Though I was officially president, I never performed my role as president. Understandably why I couldn't but I do consider that turning point as the beginning of the end of my mental health career.
Once Mattie died, I couldn't see myself returning to academia or professional association work. I was broken in all senses of the word. But then we created Mattie's Foundation. The Foundation has been my second baby now for 13 years. Working on it full-time, we have been able to accomplish many great things and of course I had more planned for the future. But again, caregiving has taken over my life and diverted my goals, hopes, and wishes. It is a vicious pattern, a cycle, that can truly frustrate me, make me feel hopeless, helpless, and as if I don't matter. That my sole mission in life is to meet the needs of others. Mind you I don't think I am the only woman in this boat, but since this is Mattie's/my blog, naturally I am reporting about my own thoughts and feelings.
So what brought all of these reflections to the surface? Well this morning while having breakfast (mind you I never eat in peace, as I am always jumping up and down meeting someone's needs) my parents were talking about their accomplishments in life. Particularly my dad's career. Of course I can think outside myself and can admire what each of them accomplished. But at that moment in time, it struck a chord. Instead their comments set me off, reminding me once again that I can't possibly accomplish what I want, develop as a professional and forget about having any sort of career, because I am too busy running what I deem as an in-home nursing home.
In the midst of having these feelings, I received an email from a hospital social worker in Tennessee. She wanted me to know that she has a 14 year old child with cancer, who as a result of treatment suffered a stroke. So in addition to enduring cancer treatment, he is now re-learning how to walk, talk, and do basic daily activities. Simply horrific and my heart goes out to his family. Doctors are recommending that he be provided with physical, occupational, speech and music therapy, to try to recover and re-learn many tasks associated with daily living. His insurance will pay for everything but music therapy. The social worker couldn't find any non-profit to help pay for this vital form of therapy. The important thing is that the patient responds positively to music, and I have seen his therapy plan and read the goals his therapist has for him. Needless to say, Mattie Miracle is working with this family, so that this teenager can obtain the full scope of therapy his doctors are recommending. I mention this because despite feeling down and lost, I know the work we do and what we can fund makes a difference in the lives of others.
Life doesn't always bring us what we want or expect. But I know it is still important to try to reach beyond one's self, and in the process make the life of someone else a little better. If I can do this, then perhaps this is my life's success.
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