Tonight's picture was taken on July 4, 2009. This was Mattie's last Fourth of July. We joined Ann and her family that weekend at a local resort. As you can see Mattie was pictured with Abigail on the left and Jackson (a friend of Abigail's) on the right. That was a tough weekend for Mattie. Part of him wanted to play with the other children and the other part of him was very depressed and therefore preferred staying in the hotel room. I certainly understood his internal conflicts and we supported him through whatever he wanted to do that weekend. However, you should know that Jackson is a huge Lego fan, so Mattie and Jackson bonded quite well over building and designing. Because Mattie was into Sponge Bob at that time, Mattie and Jackson were building all sorts of Sponge Bob creations.
Poem of the day: July by Charlie Brown
July once meant
All good things
And the special joys
Only summer can bring
But now I'm saddened
And full of despair
Watching the fireworks
Without you there
When those starbursts
Light up the night sky
I will be watching
Trying hard not to cry
Because while this month
Contains my joy
It also means the loss
Of my Mattie, my boy
Our wedding anniversary
And my birthday too
Are all overridden by
The loss of you
In this first year
Of overwhelming pain
I am doing my best
To just remain sane
So my friends
Can you be patient I ask
As I deal with my grief
A monumental task
So on this July fourth
When the fireworks are done
I'll have spent the night
With memories of my son
In honor of the Fourth of July, which is a very special day for our Country, I would like to share some facts about Independence Day with you as well as some pictures we took today. We hope you enjoy them and that all our readers had a good holiday!
Independence Day honors the birthday of the United States of America and the adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776. It's a day of picnics and patriotic parades, a night of concerts and fireworks, and a reason to fly the American flag. During the American Revolution, the legal separation of the Thirteen Colonies from Great Britain occurred on July 2, 1776, when the Second Continental Congress voted to approve a resolution of independence that had been proposed in June by Richard Henry Lee of Virginia. After voting for independence, Congress turned its attention to the Declaration of Independence, a statement explaining this decision, which had been prepared by a Committee of Five, with Thomas Jefferson as its principal author. Congress debated and revised the Declaration, finally approving it on July 4. A day earlier, John Adams had written to his wife Abigail:
The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival. It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forever more.
Adams's prediction was off by two days. From the outset, Americans celebrated independence on July 4, the date shown on the much-publicized Declaration of Independence, rather than on July 2, the date the resolution of independence was approved in a closed session of Congress. Historians have long disputed whether Congress actually signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4, even though Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, and Benjamin Franklin all later wrote that they had signed it on that day. Most historians have concluded that the Declaration was signed nearly a month after its adoption, on August 2, 1776, and not on July 4 as is commonly believed. In a remarkable coincidence, both John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, the only signers of the Declaration of Independence to later serve as President of the United States, died on the same day: July 4, 1826, which was the 50th anniversary of the Declaration.
When I woke up this morning and opened our window blinds, the first thing that I saw was a HUGE American flag flying outside our window. I was disoriented at first and thought it was our neighbors who were displaying a flag. But as I began to focus on it, I realized it was attached to our balcony. I knew immediately that Peter was up and that this was the product of his handy work. However, this flag has a story! This doesn't surprise you, does it?
Right before Mattie died, he and Peter went to Home Depot together. From Mattie's wheelchair, he pointed to this HUGE American flag. He wanted Peter to buy it and display it outside. At that point in time, whatever Mattie wanted, we were trying to accommodate his requests. Well this HUGE flag made it to our home but we never put it up. There just wasn't any time. Today was the first day I saw this flag unfolded and actually flying. I quickly realized that Peter displayed this flag in honor of Mattie. You have to understand just how big this flag is, it is most likely my height so it is a good five feet tall. Mattie never did anything small, and this flag is our reminder. Mattie in essence was celebrating July fourth with us today. You can see three flag pictures below!
I asked Peter to take a picture of the first car to set up shop right on the on ramp of Route 66. These folks parked on the on ramp and set up lawn chairs to prepare for the firework show. That may sound cute and a good idea, but you should know that this was a functioning on ramp, and there were cars flying by these people. This whole scene made me nervous, because they could have been hit by a car. However, by the time the night progressed, there had to be about 30 other cars parked on the on ramp right along side these folks!
The one great thing about city life is evident on July 4th! We just walk outside our complex, and we can see an amazing fireworks display. We were surrounded by a ton of people, people of ALL ages.
During the fireworks, a little boy behind me started singing, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. He was very proud of himself and thought it was a great song to sing, considering what was sparkling in the air! The song was darling and also reminiscent of my days with Mattie. This was one of Mattie's bedtime songs that we always would sing together.
It is hard to see the true beauty of this color. But this beautiful lavendar color was featured this year in the displays. It was simply breathtaking, and my favorite part of the show.
Though July 4th is a festive day, I think it is very appropriate to include this song in remembrance of the day. We have our freedoms thanks to the dedicated men and women in our United States military. I have no doubt that no matter what city you are in, you most likely heard Lee Greenwood's song today.
"God Bless the USA" is an American patriotic country song written by country musician Lee Greenwood. It reached number 7 on the country charts when originally released in April 1984, and was played at the 1984 Republican National Convention with President Ronald Reagan and first lady Nancy Reagan in attendance, but the song gained greater prominence during the Gulf War in 1990 and 1991, as a way of boosting morale. The popularity of the song rose sharply since the September 11, 2001 attacks and during the 2003 invasion of Iraq, and the song was re-released as a single, re-entering the country music charts at #16.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RINqibpWOzQ&feature=related
This has been a hard weekend for Peter and I. I am slowly regaining my strength but unfortunately Peter is feeling ill again. I spent a great deal of time outside gardening. It was a hot day, but I wasn't in the sun, and just enjoyed the fresh air. While gardening I was stunned by my sighting. A beautiful monarch butterfly flew right into our deck space. I can't recall when I saw a monarch last in the city. It is a rare occurrence. The butterfly flew right near me, circling, and then visiting Mattie's wind chimes, Speedy Red, and the fountains. I swear today I was visited by Mattie in butterfly form. In fact, I started to talk to the butterfly. But like all delicate and precious things, its visit was short lived. However, this visit carried me through the day.
I would like to end tonight's posting with two messages. The first message if from my friend, Charlie. Charlie wrote, "I know that today will be tough for you. Like most small boys, Mattie delighted in the sights and sounds of the fourth of July and that the celebrations and fireworks will go on without him here to appreciate them is so hard. I am sure his friends will be watching and thinking of him on this day. Although Mattie left much too soon, I am sure you would not have wanted the seven years of love that you shared with him not to have happened. Those special dates in July (your birthday and wedding anniversary) made that little boy's presence in your life possible and so for that reason, as well as for others, I hope that you can find a way to celebrate those days in your life. As I practice today I will send you my energy to help you through. I hold you gently in my thoughts."
The second message is from my friend and colleague, Nancy. Nancy wrote, "As I read the blog for the last few days, I kept seeing Peter and you being together. I am glad that you have each other to comfort and understand the emotions of your loss. As you know, many are not so fortunate. They don't have that someone where their deepest feelings are understood or accepted. It doesn't make the pain go away any faster, it just helps to give it a place to vent. I, too, remember Little House on the Prairie. It talked of life's twists and turns and offered a sense of hope even though struggles abound. As I remember the show, it created a way to see life outside of our own experience. I remember when I felt 'stopped up' and knew I needed to cry or just feel any emotion, my friend and therapist would suggest watching a show that would evoke the feeling. It was very cleansing and cathartic. Right now, this show appears to be your access to deeply felt emotions. Yesterday's poem was so powerful, I actually had a difficult time reading it. I realized it was because of the depth of it's message. It reflected on a short life which was remembered long after its end. Mattie has brought so many people together, in life and death. He and you have created an environment where others can feel connection and understanding, especially, times where clarity of thought is difficult. I am glad that you are beginning to heal from your flu. Please be gentle with yourself over the next few days as you gain strength. Tanja's sharing was beautiful and no wonder you cried. I know it may feel strange to burst into tears in public places, yet, this was a safe place and you were able to feel your feelings. Like the poem of the day before, you do open your jar and that is an important step. I used to wonder why people kept their 'jars' closed. I understand now that was their way of coping. Before I held judgment, now I hope it is understanding."
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