Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2003. Mattie was about a year and a half old. As you can see in the picture, we took him to a farm, and he had the opportunity to pet a goat. At first Mattie was quite timid about the whole experience. As you can see he was partly fascinated, and partly scared. He was holding onto Peter's left hand quite tightly and reaching out with the other to pet the goat. This was the beginning of his Farmer Brown status. Mattie loved being outside, he was almost born this way. When he was outside in the fresh air, he seemed calmer and happier. So it did not surprise me that his love for the outdoors extended to those living things which spent time outside, such as farm animals.
Quote of the day: You may my glories and my state depose, But not my griefs; still am I king of those. ~ William Shakespeare
I began my day with a four and a half hour meeting. That may seem like an endless amount of time to be sitting and processing information, but it really isn't with this particular group. Once a month I chair the DC licensure board for professional counselors. This is a board that regulates the practice of mental health counseling in the District of Columbia. A portion of our meetings is open to the public, and therefore each month I receive input and feedback from the public. However, the board creates the laws by which the profession practices, and we also regulate and enforce these laws. Which means that we process all ethical complaints against professionals in our jurisdiction. This can be a very time consuming, but rewarding process, and unlike so many other things that I did before Mattie's death, this is a professional activity that I still find enriching and stimulating.
I always come away from these meetings feeling as if we accomplished a lot for the profession and the community. Which at this point in my life, is a good feeling. I have to focus on the positive things some times, otherwise, I wouldn't be able to function.
However, when I got home, my mood began to change. Perhaps it was because I was undertaking chores again and seeing all the things I need to address in Mattie's room this weekend. In the midst of all of this, I received another Valentine's package today. My friend Tamra dropped off a lovely hand decorated package, with pretty red and pink bows. The colors themselves put you in the Valentine's day spirit. A spirit that I must say I don't feel. However, I appreciated her card, chocolates, and other gifts. It was a care package designed to make me smile and understand that I am important. When Tamra would visit me in the hospital, she always brought something for Mattie, but she also brought something for me. In a way, she was saying that she was thinking of me, and understood my role in Mattie's cancer battle. Now that the cancer battle is over, and Mattie is no longer physically with us, her gifts haven't ended. She still thinks of me and is trying to support me through a much longer battle, grief.
My friend, Angie, and I were emailing each other today about Valentine's day. Angie told me about an article she read about this holiday, and basically the article's author interpreted Valentine's day "as a little bit of brightness in the middle of an otherwise gloomy season as we desperately wait for spring." This is a sentiment I completely relate to. Because it seems interesting to me that we give those we love flowers, candy, and gifts on this day, when really everyday is important, not just February 14. I couldn't help but laugh this morning as I was riding the Metro to my meeting. Metro employees were greeting everyone in the train station and reminding us not to forget our loved ones on Valentine's day. It seemed so contrived and amusing rather than sincere. Valentine's day shouldn't be about the THINGS, but it should be about the connections to others we have in our lives, and as Angie says, it is about the brightness. People we love do add brightness to even the gloomiest of days.
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