Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2002. Mattie was very fond of his car seat. This was where he actually slept at night, because he hated lying flat or being in his crib. When he began to eat cereal at four months of age, he accomplished this in his car seat too. I am not sure what we would have done without this car seat, because Mattie was so turned off to his crib, stroller, and swing. In this picture Mattie was only two months old and from my perspective he was smiling and laughing at me. Though I recall his pediatrician insisted that babies at this age can't smile and felt that this gesture was simply "gas." Regardless, from my point of view, Mattie was tracking me and smiling!


Quote of the day: The future will be different if we make the present different. ~ Peter Maurin


Peter and I had our last meeting with the Georgetown University business school class. The Foundation served as the class' community based learning project this semester, and we were invited to class so that each student group could present to us, their "client." Each group developed strategies to help us grow, to enhance our visibly, and to expand our use of technology and social networking. I must say that I came into this class today very tired and extremely stressed out given my past three weeks. Naturally the students are not aware of what I am worried about, nonetheless, my medical concern does cloud every aspect of what I do and how I live my life right now. So I admit to being a little more sensitive and irritable. The Foundation for me is personal and emotional, and in order to work effectively with me on brainstorming the enhancement and development of this organization, I need to feel that others have a certain level of buy in and connection to our story, to Mattie, and the battle children and families face each day when contending with childhood cancer. I did not feel connected to this group of students at all emotionally. They certainly presented some interesting ideas and we look forward to their final reports, but I had to step back and understand the differences in personality, priorities, and the make up of a business graduate student versus my counseling graduate students.

At the end of class, I took a picture of Peter with the entire class!

After this class session today, I journeyed back to the Lombardi Cancer Center to try to get some answers to my latest debate.... can my mass be biopsied? The sad commentary to all of this is that I am treated with kid gloves because I lost Mattie to cancer. I don't mean that doctors are sensitive to my emotional loss (though some are), but I suspect doctors feel I need to be monitored extra closely because of the simple fact that I produced a son who developed an aggressive cancer and died.

Tomorrow I will have my first acupuncture appointment. That may not sound like a big deal, but you need to understand for me to turn to alternative medicine for pain management, means I am desperate and have reached my limit with chronic pain. I am staying open minded about tomorrow and truly hope that help or relief is on the way.