Monday, May 14, 2012

Monday, May 14, 2012

Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2009. Mattie was in the hallway of the pediatric units and having a physical therapy session. Physical therapy with Mattie was always entertaining, because rarely was he the only one doing the therapy. It took a team. In this picture, Linda (Mattie's Child Life Specialist) was behind me, and Anna (Mattie's physical therapist) was in front of us. Well, and as for me, I was Mattie's walker that day. If I let Mattie go, he would have fallen right to the floor. He couldn't support his own weight and most definitely couldn't walk without great support. Imagine how frustrating this had to be for a very active child, and how disillusioning this was for Peter and I who were caring for him. The care was NOT only physical, there were full blown psychological affects to the illness and being disabled from cancer.


Quote of the day: The moment a child is born a mother is born. She never existed before. The woman did; the mother did not. ~ Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

I received this beautiful Mother's Day card from Margaret. Margaret was Mattie's first preschool teacher and our friend. I did not think Hallmark made a card for mothers who lost a child. But I can see I am wrong. Within this touching card, Margaret wrote the quote I used for tonight's blog. The quote is very telling, because I agree with its sentiments. I do not believe in a maternal instinct, and that women are born with the skills to be a good mother. Like a child, a mother also has to be born and better yet nurtured. One's role as a mom constantly changes! Initially with a new born, these changes may occur hour by hour, and then gradually week by week, month by month, and then perhaps year to year. Mothering skills, abilities, and strategies grow, change, and evolve. But what happens when the being you are nurturing dies? How can a mother continue to evolve and be? I am locked in a world in which I will always be a mother to a seven year old. I will never know what it is like to parent a pre-teen, teenager, or young adult. My questions are hard to answer, because from my perspective, as a mother I can't possibly continue developing as a mother, without Mattie's presence.

It was another full day of Foundation work. However, during the day, I met up with my friend Tina for lunch. Tina wanted to spend Mother's Day with me and she had invited me to share the day with her family yesterday. Today, Tina bestowed upon me several gifts for the occasion. One of the gifts were handmade butterfly cookies. I snapped a picture of this beauty before eating half of it! Another goodie she gave me was a scoop of ice cream from the Dairy Godmother. Each year, this ice cream store in Del Ray, VA, celebrates Mother's Day by having a special flavor called "Breakfast in Bed." Tina told me about this flavor last year, and when she did, it sounded beyond different. Because it is maple ice cream with pieces of waffle cone in it and get this.... BACON! Yes I said bacon. I did not think this combination could possibly work, but after tasting it today, I stand corrected. I ate the whole thing, which was a very needed perk to get through several of the tasks I had to do today. Any case, these symbolic gifts cheered me up today.

We are now down to days NO LONGER weeks until the Walk. I appreciate those of you who have registered, made contributions, and are spreading the word about the event. Know your efforts are greatly appreciated!