Thursday, September 27, 2012Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2009, during Mattie's 7th birthday party at the Hospital. What I love about this picture was the whole scene. Mattie and his friends were wearing goggles because they were doing one of his favorite things.... excavating and chipping away through sand and clay to reveal plastic toy dinosaurs. You can almost sense the excitement and the intrigue in this picture. I will always remember this day as if it were yesterday.
Quote of the day: People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway. ~ Mother Teresa
What I love about Mother Teresa's quote is that doing good, being kind, honest, and forgiving, must come from within. We need to follow our instincts, even when perhaps the world around us doesn't support our motivations. At the end of the day, we have to be happy with ourselves and how we live our own lives.
In the course of today, I went to visit Ann's mom, Mary. Before I got to Mary's room, I bumped into Catherine. Catherine is another resident at Mary's assisted living facility who I have gotten to know. A few weeks ago, when I bumped into Catherine, who was recovering from a surgery, she had absolutely NO recognition of who I was. I was deeply saddened by this because she is one of the younger and more cognitively intact residents on the floor. When I saw Catherine in the hallway today, I could have easily passed her by without her noticing. But I didn't do that. I figured even if she didn't remember me, she would still appreciate talking to someone. So I went over to Catherine and said, "do you remember me?" With that, Catherine said, "of course Vicki I remember you!" It was a riot, because it was in that moment I saw the Catherine I used to know! I explained to her what happened a few weeks ago when I saw her and we got to talking today about her surgery and how it has impacted her memory. She is very frightened by these changes. We talked for about 20 minutes but I could tell she was getting tired, needed oxygen, and had to go back to her room. However, before we parted she began to cry. So I held her hand, continued to listen, and then told her that I do not think her life is meaningless. She is a bright woman who has been dealt a very hard plight in life. One I wish she did not have to experience. I could sense how alone and isolated she felt in her condition. While I was with Catherine, the activity coordinator for the facility came up to talk with us. Clearly Catherine was upset, but he proceeded to ask her how she was doing. I wanted to say.... are you kidding? How do you think she is doing! So she responded to him by saying, she got up and changed her clothes today. He did not know how to respond to that. So instead I stepped in and said, "Catherine, one must celebrate the small victories." With which she smiled and agreed.
Catherine in her own right is grieving. She may not be grieving the loss of a child, but she is grieving the loss of her mobility, her cognitive ability, and basically what she expected her life to be like. She told me that she has observed herself becoming a nasty person. She isn't happy about it and feels guilty as well. It is funny though how pain and grief can produce such horrible emotions. I see them within myself at times, which is why I feel I have a glimmer of insight into Catherine's situation right now.
After visiting with Catherine, I went in to see Mary. I was told that Mary was having a rather mute day. Yet when I walked into the room, she smiled and began talking. She saw that I had a bag with me filled with lotions. My nickname is apparently "the lotion lady," so I figure I better live up to my name. We chatted about all sorts of things today, read articles and looked at greeting cards she received. Toward the end of the evening, Mary thanked me for visiting her and reminded me that I am her "angel." I apparently have been her angel for a long time now. Which is touching. As I tell Mary often, we were meant to meet each other and help each other through our grief. Before I left, Mary wanted me to know that she prayed very hard for Mattie and was upset that he died, and then she began crying. So we talked about Mattie and "our boys." Our boys are comprised of all the men recently lost.... Mattie, Mary's son, Mary's husband, Mary's cousin, and Mary's brother. Mary's ultimate question is why weren't the prayers for any of "our boys" answered? An excellent question, and as I remind her, I have absolutely NO idea, and better yet I simply don't understand why or ever will.
Tomorrow Peter and I begin our journey to Cape Cod. However, instead of driving directly there, we will be spending the night outside of New York City, where we will be visiting with Karen and her mom. Peter and I will be staying at the hotel we had our wedding rehearsal dinner at, so in a way this will be quite a nostalgic visit.
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