Margaret we will always remember you fondly!
Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2006. Mattie was in his first year of preschool at Resurrection Children's Center in Alexandria, VA. Keep in mind that Mattie lived in Washington, DC, and this school was in Virginia. We were the ONLY family who commuted over the river to attend preschool. There was a reason for this! The first reason I will explain below (which I have never gone into detail about before on the Blog) and the second sits next to Mattie in this photo, Margaret. When I met Margaret during his preschool play date, we both fell in love with her as a teacher. So much so, that after the play date I remember telling the preschool director to PLEASE accept us to her school. I told her if she accepted us, I would guarantee her that I would be driving Mattie to Alexandria to attend! The rest is history. Mattie was accepted, he was a part of Margaret's classroom, and it was in 2005, that Mattie not only developed and grew but I was lucky enough to form a beautiful friendship. Or as Margaret would call us, "dear friends."
Quote of the day: To die and part is a less evil; but to part and live, there, there is the torment. ~ George Lansdowne
It is with great sadness that I write tonight about the death of my dear friend, Margaret. Out of respect for Margaret's desires, I have not written about her journey with ALS (Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis often referred to as "Lou Gehrig's Disease," is a progressive neurodegenerative disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and the spinal cord.). However, Margaret's battle was rapid, quick, and devastating, with this illness taking her life in less than two years time. Margaret died today at 10:55am, and she was a vivacious, bright, captivating, energetic, and compassionate individual, who had a joy for living, loved to laugh, saw the goodness in others, and helped you see this as well. She was my museum buddy, my foodie friend, my friend to have tea and cake with, and my friend who you could have a heart to heart conversation with and get sound advice. We could be serious together, zany together, have fun together, cry together, and could we talk. Margaret and I could talk for HOURS! Six, eight hours.... absolutely no problem! Don't ask what we talked about, but we could do it, on all subjects, it was just natural for us. She is not replaceable and today another hole has been left in my heart! But as I told her on Friday when I had a chance to say good-bye to her.... "there is a seven year old waiting your arrival, and he is there to show you the way!"
My connection to Margaret would never have happened without Mattie! She is another gift that was brought into my life because of my son. Mattie and I went through a lot together in a short period of time. Mattie's first preschool experience was a disaster. He went to a Montessori preschool in Washington, DC. I will never forget this preschool's director or some of the parents who attended this institution. Mattie lasted there only two months, September and October of 2004, but those two months were an absolutely rocky nightmare. Each day the preschool director would call me into her office and tell me what a terrible child Mattie was, that something was profoundly wrong with him, and that he needed psychiatric evaluations. On one occasion, she wanted my signed approval to wash his mouth out with soap. Needless to say, that did not happen and I managed her the best I could. I think the only reason Mattie lasted there two months was because I listened to her and gave her free emotional support. Otherwise she would have gotten rid of us much sooner. The more I talked with her, I realized the one who needed the psychiatric evaluation was the director, but nonetheless, as a new mom, she had the power. The last incident at the school that did us in was Mattie bit a student and the director herself! The student's parent threatened to sue me for the medical damages to his child and at that point the director had it with us! She dismissed us from school.
Instead of a preschool experience, Mattie was home with me for an entire year and I wasn't sure what to do at that point. Of course by that point, thankfully I had outside support with Mattie's occupational therapist and speech therapist, who were both God sends. I don't know where I would have been without these women. They were the ones who told me about Resurrection Children's Center (RCC). RCC is an inclusive preschool and integrates children with special needs into their classrooms. Given the feedback I received from the Montessori School, I assumed Mattie had a special need.
When we applied to RCC, we said Mattie was a special needs student. Though in my heart of hearts, I did not believe this. I thought given the circumstances and the environment within the Montessori School, that this triggered certain behaviors, but I couldn't be certain, and given the pronouncement of the former school, I had to do my due diligence!
Then entered Margaret into our lives. When Mattie entered Margaret's classroom, he was really raw material. He had been home all year long with me. I occasionally let Mattie socialize with other children, but it was always under careful supervision. Mattie also had several sensory issues, so when he entered Margaret's classroom, he couldn't drink out of a cup, he was deathly afraid of playgrounds, swings, slides, and wasn't potty trained! These are just the physical issues. In her classroom Mattie learned to be a friend, to socialize, to play, to cooperate, and to just be! In reality, she created the kind of enriching, nurturing, and safe environment he needed so that his inner potential could come shining through! I always credit Mattie's greatest emotional growth in a classroom setting to Margaret. It was in that year, Margaret would email me updates almost each day about his progress. Some of these emails I still have, because you have to understand how exciting it was to receive POSITIVE feedback about Mattie back then! For us it was RARE. I will always love the email in which Margaret told me she plopped Mattie in her lap and together they went down the slide! THE SLIDE..... something that terrorized him!!!
Within the first semester of preschool, Margaret assessed Mattie right off of the "special needs" status list! She confirmed exactly what I suspected! I can't tell you what a victory that was to hear for me, so though Mattie was Margaret's teacher, Margaret and I became allies and friends. I would say almost instantly. Even while Mattie was in Margaret's classroom, we would meet on non-school days and have lunch together. Something just clicked with each other, it is hard to explain, but there was chemistry, and that chemistry has taken us through a decade together.
So this is how our relationship started! It began when I felt very uncertain about the health and welfare about Mattie. I also felt very uncertain about my own parenting skills! Margaret was a bit like Mary Poppins, she helped me see that neither of us had a problem and all the feedback and advice I had gotten from multiple sources about Mattie were ALL incorrect (not from his occupational or speech therapists, they were always sound and on target)! She allowed me to develop renewed faith in myself, which I needed at that point in my life. That was a very deep and meaningful way for a friendship to start and to grow. When Mattie entered kindergarten, I remember contacting Margaret one day and consulted with her about an activity to bring to his classroom around the holidays. It was Margaret who gave me a copy of the Jan Brett book, The Gingerbread Baby and then gave me this wonderful cookie cutter of a big gingerbread baby, in the shape of the character in the book. Mind you she loved the book, because the main character was named Matti. I went to Mattie's kindergarten classroom for the first time that year, read them the book, brought each of them a big cookie, and they got to decorate it themselves. It was a hit, and that was a project, I felt Margaret and I pulled off together! I have many, many Margaret and Me stories.
Margaret is in the first row, sitting down, on the right in stripes. As you can see she was a young woman who was taken from us in an untimely and horrific manner.
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