Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2009. Mattie was sitting between his two closest friends in cancer. Brandon on the left and Jocelyn on the right. It is hard to believe that both Mattie and Jocelyn are both gone, thanks to osteosarcoma. By the time this photo was taken, Brandon's lymphoma went into remission, but he still came to the hospital to visit and play with Mattie frequently. What you need to understand however is that Brandon and his family lived about an hour away from the hospital. So visiting was a commitment. I will never forget the friendships of these two beautiful people had with Mattie.
Quote of the day: The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. ~ Mark Twain
Though I understand the spirit behind Mark Twain's quote, I wonder how he felt about childhood cancer? After all at least four to five children a day die and therefore they clearly do not qualify as having lived a FULL life! So if one hasn't led a full life, what is the conclusion..... you are not prepared to die? I would say that is correct! Certainly any child whose life is taken in any manner, leaves a family broken. Cracked! You pick the word, and NO ONE is prepared for such a death.
I had the opportunity to interact with someone today whose dad died a month ago, and yesterday I spoke with a man whose mom died about 3 years ago. They are at different points in the grief journey, but guess what???? Each present issues and concerns.
Hearing about grief and loss through someone else's lens is very interesting to me. Mainly because what they are reporting.... sadness, not interested in interacting with the world, disliking crowds, fatigue, and an inability to sleep, are of no surprise to me. Though it would be easy for me to pipe in and discuss my own loss, I know from personal experience this is NOT helpful! When you are dealing with your own emotions, it serves no purpose for others to reflect on how they understand, and are living their own journey. I don't think any of us are purposely being mean by not wanting to hear about other people's losses or their grief stories. Rather so much about grief and loss is about telling, retelling, and retelling again our stories. We need to be heard, we don't necessary need our loss compounded by hearing about the grief journey of others.
Loss and its ramifications are like a broken record in our heads, and the only way forward is to share this record with others. I have found that only through this retelling can some sort of healing begin to take place. Now don't confuse the word healing with moving on or getting over the loss. These are two separate things and those who know me well, know there is NO getting over a traumatic loss. The mission with grief, if one chooses to take it..... is how to learn how to live with this loss?
Getting back to the telling and retelling! A lot of people in our lives do not want to hear our stories over and over. It makes them uncomfortable and for the most part people in the community think that retelling isn't healthy. But rather a benchmark of being stuck. So NOT true! Two things I learned from Mattie's death: 1) grief is about retelling one's story (and there is no time line on this!!), and 2) when someone is sharing their grief story, they do not want to hear your own.
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