Saturday, July 26, 2025

Saturday, July 26, 2025

Tonight's picture was taken in July 2003. I will never forget that moment in time. We took Mattie to the beach for the FIRST time. He was 15 months old and it was on this trip that Mattie began to take his first steps! It was a very exciting time. Of course the summers in North Carolina are hot, so that afternoon, we came inside for a while to cool down. We had book time on the couch and it was no wonder what book Mattie picked out.... Good Night Moon! It was his all time favorite book, and ironically this book was given to me by one of my graduate school mentors as a baby gift. It was not a book I grew up hearing, but I came to appreciate the words and all the visuals! To this day, I can still recite the book, that is how often we read it! In fact, when my husband was on travel, we would text message each other good night, using several of the lines from this book!

Quote of the day: The good times and the bad times both will pass. It will pass. It will get easier. But the fact that it will get easier does not mean that it doesn’t hurt now. And when people try to minimize your pain they are doing you a disservice. And when you try to minimize your own pain you’re doing yourself a disservice. Don’t do that. The truth is that it hurts because it’s real. It hurts because it mattered. And that’s an important thing to acknowledge to yourself. ~ John Green

This morning I received a text message from our pharmacy that several medications for my dad were ready for pick up. The pharmacy also let me know that one of the new medications was flagged because it could interact with other drugs my dad is taking. I am VERY thankful to CVS! Because it clued me in to look at what was prescribed and get down to the bottom of the problem! I literally reviewed the medications prescribed today and saw that all of my dad's blood pressure medications were altered. I am tired and juggling a lot, so I did not appreciate learning that my dad's medications were changed throughout his hospitalization, and yet I WAS NEVER ALERTED to these changes! 

So I immediately called the hospital this morning and spoke to my dad's nurse. She was in the middle of working with another patient and promised to call me back. Ideally I wanted to pick up all the medications from CVS before my dad came home. But after waiting 90 minutes, I told my mom, that we should just go to the hospital. While driving, my dad's nurse called me and I explained the issues. She told me she would look into it and have answers for me when I arrived. 

When I got to the hospital, I met with my dad's nurse, who explained the changes to me and also told me one of my dad's previous medications was stopped altogether. We then reviewed my dad's blood pressure readings for all 15 days and I agreed to continue the new medications and set up an appointment with his cardiologist soon. The discharge process went very smoothly, and the same nursing assistant that admitted us to the unit, was also the same fellow who helped us with discharge. Jeff is the kind of nursing assistant you want to clone. He exudes positivity, kindness, and compassion. He absolutely loves his job, he loves interacting with patients and families, and it shows! When you work with someone who loves what they are doing, it makes the whole interaction go smoother, if feels like a more meaningful connection, and leaves you feeling like you are in good medical hands.

My dad was sleeping the whole car ride home and getting him into the house went smoothly. But he was luggage, and spent about six hours sleeping before dinner. In fact, I wasn't sure I could wake him for dinner. At the hospital, he got used to eating at 5pm, and was in bed at 7pm. Which doesn't match my time schedule at all. 

This evening, my dad managed to get up the stairs. He is clearly strong enough to do it, but he is physically exhausted, which made the stairs challenging for me. I am hoping that with more days at home and getting acclimated to life outside of the hospital that he will be more alert, engaged, and active. But I am happy to say that the bed rail I assembled works and he can't reach the latch to open it, so hopefully this will keep him safe throughout the night until I get him up in the morning.

Friday, July 25, 2025

Friday, July 25, 2025

Tonight's picture was taken on July 25, 2009. This was my last birthday with Mattie. Mattie's child life specialist, Linda, gave Mattie that cake to celebrate my birthday. At that moment in time, I really thought we would have more time with Mattie. He had just gotten off treatment and the goal was to physically rehabilitate him so he could return to school in the Fall. Little did I know that two months later, Mattie would die. 

Quote of the day: Maybe it’s not about having a beautiful day, but about finding beautiful moments. Maybe a whole day is just too much to ask. I could choose to believe that in every day, in all things, no matter how dark and ugly, there are shards of beauty if I look for them. ~ Anna White

I have to admit, I HATE birthdays. I have hated my birthday since 2008. After all how could I forget that Mattie was diagnosed with cancer two days before my birthday. It is hard not to connect Mattie's diagnosis to my birthday.  

This morning, while looking out the kitchen window, a butterfly landed on the patio column. He hung out there for a bit. I attributed this to a Mattie sign! As no other morning this summer have I seen such a sight!

After spending 8 hours in the hospital yesterday, on top of many more hours over the last two weeks, I can safely say that I am exhausted. I was hoping to sleep a bit later this morning, but Indie had me up at 7am. I started my morning of chores and eventually found my way to the grocery store. I pushed myself to do this because once my dad is home, I can't leave him. He will need constant supervision until I deem him safe at home. While out in the store, I bought my dad's favorite nurse an orchid plant and two specialty cookies. I also bought a tub of chocolate chip cookies for the nursing unit as a thank you for caring for my dad. 

When I returned home from the grocery store, I found this beautiful floral arrangement sitting on my front doorstep. When I was driving up the driveway, I literally thought someone left me a frosted cake outside my door. This whole thing is made of flowers! I truly think this is stunning and the big sunflower on the top is symbolic of Team Mattie. As countless sunflowers were given to me each time we were home between cancer treatments. The sunflower became my symbol of love, compassion, and community. 

The note with the flowers isn't signed, so I have NO IDEA who sent me these flowers. I have called the flower store and left a message with the hopes that someone can clarify this gift tomorrow. Needless to say, I think they are beautiful!

The next  surprise came from my friend Carolyn. Cupcakes from Georgetown Cupcake. Why is this so touching? Because this was Mattie's favorite cupcake store, and in turn it became mine. I can't tell you how many of these cupcakes Mattie ate over the course of his treatment. Seeing these today reminded me of Mattie and if it weren't for Mattie, I would never have met Carolyn (as Carolyn's daughter and Mattie went to preschool together).

I would be lying if I said today was a happy and joyful day! It was actually a very emotionally challenging day. I can get very down and wonder why on earth I exist. All that being said, I can still be grateful for the countless friends who sent me cards, gifts, emails, and text messages!

Several of the wonderful gifts that came my way..... boxes of chocolates from Massachusetts (thank you Colleen and Helen!), and baked goods and gifts from my friend Ann. I think it is also noteworthy that I received a gift and card from my mother-in-law. Which meant a lot to me!

My friend Ilona came to the hospital today to visit with us. She brought beignets! My mom LOVES beignets and I have to admit I haven't tasted them in years! I can see why my mom loves them. They were amazing and my dad devoured two! Before Ilona walked into my dad's room, I was in a state. She helped to snap me out of that for a bit of time. Amazing how someone else's kindness and caring, can change the energy in a room. 

This special necklace came from my dear friend Cheryl. Cheryl has become one of those people who I reach out to when I am ready to jump off the ledge. Ironically we have NEVER met each other, but we are connected through my husband's side of the family. Cheryl had this beautiful necklace made for me! See the sunflower? When I opened this present, just seeing Mattie's name seemed like a gift! Mattie is integral to my existence and I am grateful for Cheryl and Mattie's blog readers who help me keep his amazing memory alive. 

Want to see Vicki as a child? Here I was with my mom! We were on a family trip in Cape Cod. I had to be maybe 8 years old. 

Me with my maternal grandmother. Her name was Anne, which is why this is my middle name. We were VERY close! I actually called her "mom," and my actual mom I called, "mommy."

This was the birthday cake my husband ordered for me, for my birthday party in 2019. I am not sure when it will sink in, but when someone is a part of your life for over thirty years, you come to expect that this person will always be there for you!

Tomorrow my dad gets discharged from the hospital. It was a difficult evening for him. As he is very confused, very disoriented and actually doesn't want to leave the hospital. He views the hospital as his home, and doesn't recall our actual home. In addition, he is convinced his brother is alive and he insists that the staff wheel him down the hallway to look for him. I have had to explain to the staff that my dad's brother died decades ago. After spending five hours at the hospital today, when I got home, my dad called me twice. Trust me that is a feat in and of itself, as he located my number and dialed the phone. My dad was in such a panic, that I had him call for the nurse and I asked him to put her on the phone. So I proceeded to tell her about my dad. After speaking with her, I had my dad take a piece of paper out and write the following....

I am in the hospital. 

Vicki is home safely. 

It is night time, and time to sleep. 

Vicki will take me home from the hospital tomorrow afternoon!

It is 11pm, I have finally finished all my chores for the day. I am wiped out, took Tylenol because every muscle aches, and I can't wait to put my birthday to bed. As in my heart there isn't much to celebrate.

Thursday, July 24, 2025

Thursday, July 24, 2025

Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2008. It was Christmas in July on our deck! Mattie had just been diagnosed with bone cancer and his request was to take out our Christmas displays. We used to decorate our commons area for Christmas. Mattie loved it, and each year, Mattie would pick out another light up decoration to add to the mix. Some of our reindeer were even automated and I can't tell you how many people in our complex used to tell me how our lights brightened up their holiday season. However, when Mattie was diagnosed, we kept all the lights on our deck and though we were all scared to death over Mattie's diagnosis, Christmas lights served as a positive distraction. I remember this moment in time and the sheer terror I felt, so much so, that I couldn't sleep or eat. 

Quote of the day: The simple act of caring is heroic. ~ Edward Albert

It was a very long day. I was at the hospital from 11am until 7pm. Today was a family meeting with the healthcare care and then training with my dad's physical therapist and occupational therapist. I have had several opportunities to participate in my dad's physical therapy sessions over the last ten days, therefore, I have been watching his progress and getting to know his PT. My dad's OT, I classify as a piece of work! This is a woman who never asked about the strategies we are implementing at home, or what we have tried in the past. Instead, she feels she knows my dad's abilities and strengths better than me and today's training day, was designed to show me how WRONG I am about his abilities. 

The occupational therapist has been working with my dad on dressing himself. Now don't get excited, my dad will never be able to dress himself independently. He is not cognitively equipped anymore to go into a closet pick out the clothes he needs, and then sequence the process to dress. In addition to that, my dad has trouble logistically putting clothes, socks and shoes on himself. However, she was dead set on showing me that if you give my dad an undershirt, he can pull it on, that he can find a way to thread his feet into pants, and with this sock assist gadget he can work on getting his socks on. Of course none of these activities can be done without verbal cues, a whole lot of time, and some assistance. I truly can appreciate what she is trying to do.... she is trying to give him independence to some degree. She is also trying to get him to use his body and brain. All great things. But here's the problem with all of this.... when she is working with my dad, he has gone from resting, to having a session. A session where the only thing he needs to focus on is her tasks, and then right after the session, he can rest again. WELL THE REAL WORLD DOESN'T OPERATE LIKE THIS! 

In the real world, my dad showers every morning, which is physically demanding and taxing. By the time he gets out of the shower, you would think he needs to go right back to bed. So giving him the task of dressing himself, would send him right over the edge. This is the nuisance that she can't appreciate. Not to mention the simple fact that with my dad's Alzheimer's simple tasks are not simple. Yet if I saw that my dad felt proud, happy, or satisfied with dressing himself today, then this would make me PAUSE. Then I would say, okay, I will find a way to get him to dress himself. But here's the thing! My dad not only did not find satisfaction in this task, but five minutes later, he did not even remember us working with the therapist, or any of the tasks he just completed! So from my opinion, these cognitive and psychological components need to be understood and evaluated! These are the things the therapist didn't consider. By the time this training session was over, I felt unappreciated for the intense role I play in my dad's life, not valued for my insights as I have over 4 years of daily experience with my dad, and most of all I felt that this young woman had NO meaningful understanding for the juggling act myself and other family caregivers perform each day. 

When my parents were living in Los Angeles, and my dad was functioning better than he is now, his caregivers couldn't get my dad to cooperate and help himself put on his clothes and shoes. As I told this therapist today, my dad maybe compliant with her, but dynamics at home are naturally different. Again, this was a fact that seemed to be lost on her. 

Once I arrived back home at 7:40pm, I started my chores of laundry, doing things around the house, and assembling my dad's bedrail. This is the second bedrail I have purchased. The first one I returned. This one was a lot easier to assemble and it seems to work. Nonetheless until I use it with my dad, I won't know if I am keeping it or sending it back. 

In addition, I processed through the mail and I found that the hospital responded to my grievance complaint. A lack luster and legalese response! Clever how they view my dad's visit to the ER on July 9 and then on July 11 as two separate incidences, and not related to the other! It makes it easier that way, because then they do not need to take culpability for his fall on July 11. My dad was discharged from the ER on July 10, and deemed to have nothing wrong with him. Despite my protest! But my dad had an upper respiratory virus that knocked him out and therefore instead of being in the hospital where he belonged, he was sent home, and in his weakened condition, he fell 24 hours after being discharged from the ER. Which prompted the need for an ambulance, another ER visit, and then admission to the hospital on July 11. My dad will be discharged from the hospital on July 26, so as you can see, it was a two week admission, which could have been cut in half if he was admitted to the hospital in the first place. I am sick of hearing about Medicare's requirements for a hospital admission! All I know is they followed Medicare's requirements on July 9, then my dad fell, and now Medicare is paying for a two week admission instead of hospitalization for a few days. Seems to me the requirements need an overhaul. 

Wednesday, July 23, 2025

Wednesday, July 23, 2025

Tonight's picture was taken on July 23, 2008. I know some of you may be quite familiar with this picture since I have posted it before. We were basically shell shocked on that day, the day we learned that Mattie had osteosarcoma. I took Mattie to the pediatrician on July 23, 2008, because he was complaining that his right arm hurt from tennis camp. His range of motion was affected, and he couldn't lift his arm up over his head. I assumed he injured himself in camp. I realized it was somewhat significant because of the pain and his limited mobility, but I had no idea the x-ray was going to show a huge tumor in Mattie's right arm. Though Mattie did not understand the significance of the diagnosis, he knew something was VERY wrong! That evening of his diagnosis, he requested Christmas lights! When your child has cancer and he wants to see Christmas lights in July, guess what? You do it! I will never forget this exact moment in time. It is etched in my mind and heart. 

Quote of the day: The shattering of a heart when being broken is the loudest quiet ever. ~ Carroll Bryant

Today marks the 17th anniversary of Mattie's diagnosis day. I honestly did not think this day could get any harder, but not having my spouse along side me, sharing this journey makes the impossible ten times more heartbreaking. My dad is still in the hospital and this is the same hospital Mattie was born at and also the same hospital where Mattie's cancer was diagnosed. So it is truly a surreal experience being on that hospital campus today. I will never forget the chain of events that day that led to a cancer diagnosis.

In July of 2008, Mattie was enrolled in a tennis camp. A week into the camp, Mattie complained of arm pain. We figured he sprained something or had a sore muscle from holding the tennis racket. A likely possibility given Mattie had never played tennis before.

While enrolled in camp, I attended a conference in San Diego. Each night while I was away, I checked in with my husband and I continued to hear that Mattie's arm pain wasn't getting better. I did not like what I was hearing! Before leaving San Diego, I made a doctor's appointment to take Mattie in the day after I landed back home.

Fortunately, Mattie's pediatrician took my complaints seriously (as she learned from experience with me that if I am flagging something, it should be taken seriously), as I told her the issue had been going on for two weeks, with no improvement. So the doctor ordered x-rays just to make certain she wasn't missing anything. Keep in mind Mattie had NO OTHER symptoms!!! From the doctor's office, we walked over to the hospital for x-rays. I admit that I got very frustrated with the radiology tech, because what I deemed should have been an easy x-ray process turned into an hour-long fiasco.

After the x-rays were taken, the tech told me to go to a waiting room. I will NEVER forget this waiting room. Mattie and I walked into a room filled with adults. NO hospital representative was in the room, only patients and ONE phone. We sat down and within five minutes the phone rang. NO ONE went to answer the phone, it just kept on ringing. So, I decided to pick it up. 

On the other end of the phone line was the radiologist, who asked for Mattie Brown's mom. When I told him I was Mattie's mom, he then said I needed to go right back to the pediatrician's office. I said, ABSOLUTELY NOT! I wasn't leaving that room until he told me what he saw on those x-rays. He did not want to tell me, but I forced it out of him. So I heard that Mattie had osteosarcoma over the phone, surrounded by a group of strangers and Mattie staring at me. I tried not to sound alarmed but it's a bit hard after hearing...... your child has cancer.

July 23, 2008, was my first experience with medical trauma, and unfortunately that was just one of many traumas we experienced as a family. Mattie's treatment was intense, we practically lived within a hospital room for 14 months, and each day was a crisis of some sort. I was constantly facing life and death decisions for Mattie and also witnessed Mattie experiencing clinical depression, anxiety, and medical traumatic stress. I am not sure how I survived seeing this happening to my six year old, but what I do know is I found courage and strength in the inner most places to manage the impossible. Why? Easy.... a mother's love. A love that continues to guide me today, a love that can't be tarnished, destroyed, or ever forgotten. 

The traumas associated with Mattie's diagnosis and treatment remain with me forever, which is why July 23, will be a day that still makes my heart flutter. What would have happened if Mattie survived his diagnosis? I have no doubt he would have gone on to accomplish great things and I also know my life (present and future) would have looked completely different.   

I end tonight's posting with the "Remember Me" video I created for Mattie's celebration of life ceremony in 2009. The song in the video, to this day, still gets me. I hear it and I can't help crying! The song was given to me by Mattie's preschool director. She knew the artist who wrote the song! It is hauntingly beautiful. This video captures Mattie's amazing life and the seven years I was lucky enough to be his mom. NEVER FORGOTTEN, ALWAYS LOVED, and FOREVER MISSED.

Tuesday, July 22, 2025

Tuesday, July 22, 2025 -- Mattie died 804 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2005. Mattie was three years old! That week, we went on vacation to the Outer Banks. On our way to the Island, we always stopped at Morris Farms. I loved all the fresh fruits and vegetables and of course Farmer Brown went right for the tractor!

Quote of the day: There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you. ~ Maya Angelou

We spent over 5 hours at the hospital today. Every time I enter my dad's room, I get upset! I am upset because of the mess and disarray all over the room. Alcohol wipe packets on the floor, debris of all kinds, linens strewn all over the place, my dad's dirty laundry in piles, the bed a mess, and my dad's wheelchair pad was covered in urine. Once I settled my mom, I began cleaning! This is my daily routine. I straighten everything, make his bed, pick up dirty linens, and cavi wipe all surfaces. By the time I am finished, you can smell that the room is clean. I am naturally a type A person, but in a hospital setting, it is crucial to manage germs!

Today my dad was convinced we were on a cruise! He kept asking.... what is our next activity! It takes a lot to orient him to time, place, and person. It is not just a one time task, but something I do constantly throughout the time I am visiting him. Each night, my dad doesn't want to get back into bed. Why? Because he is ready to come home! I have to remind him why he is in the hospital, because he doesn't remember his fall, he doesn't remember the six paramedics in our home carrying him down the stairs, and he doesn't remember running a fever and having a terrible cough and congestion! 

My dad's nursing assistant told me tonight that I am ready to get a job at the hospital, because he has observed the various things I can do! I told him that I am not trained formally to do this, but learned by experience. Before I left the hospital tonight, I washed and cut my dad's hair, shaved him, and brushed his teeth. 

Now on an aside. What is my therapy? It is either gardening or watching Hallmark movies. In July, Hallmark hosts... Christmas in July! They play Christmas movies the whole month. Last night, I saw Once Upon a Christmas Miracle. It is based on a true story, which in my opinion always makes a movie even more powerful. 

In this photo are the real life people, Heather and Chris Dempsey, who are portrayed in the movie. Heather had a rare liver disease, stage 4, and needed a transplant. A perfect stranger rose to the occasion to become her donor and in the process, they fell in love. It is a charming and heart warming story. It takes incredible selflessness and compassion to be an organ donor, and when I feel distraught, or have lost faith in humanity, Heather and Chris' story, reminded me last night that we have the capacity to make a difference in each other's lives. 

Liver Donor Marries the Woman Whose Life He Saved: 'It Was the Best Decision I Ever Made'

As I face tomorrow, July 23, the 17th anniversary of Mattie's diagnosis, I can't help but reflect on how our lives dramatically changed that day. In fact, the hospital where my dad is receiving care is the SAME hospital where Mattie was diagnosed. Childhood cancer taught me that life can change in a second/minute, and so much about our life is out of our control. July 23 is a day I will never forget and now I share this memory and heartache alone.  

Monday, July 21, 2025

Monday, July 21, 2025

Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2005. Mattie was three years old and this was his third trip to the Outer Banks of North Carolina. By that time, Mattie loved the beach! Not because of the ocean, but he loved creating and building in the sand and of course collecting! Mattie was a collector of all things found in nature, so shells were right up his alley. 

Quote of the day: Smile, though your heart is aching. Smile, even though it’s breaking. When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by if you smile through your pain and sorrow. Smile and maybe tomorrow, you’ll see the sun come shining through for you. ~ Charlie Chaplin

This morning, before going to the hospital, I decided to sit outside on the patio for 15 minutes. While out there, I had many hummingbird sightings. These little winged creatures are absolutely remarkable to watch, and I have read that the same hummingbirds (and their progeny) return to your garden each year. I know this to be true, because in March of this year, I had hummingbirds coming to my porch, to the exact location I typically hang the sugar water. However, there were NO jars up at that time, yet they clearly remembered where I hang them! 

Of course if I am outside, my kitty side kick wants to be there too! So out came Indie. She loves the bird watching and sniffing the breezes! Seeing greenery, watching the birds, and being in my garden are about the only things now that give me peace.

I got to the hospital around 1:30pm. When I arrived, someone came in to post tomorrow's therapy schedule on the cork board. This woman then proceeded to tell me that my dad was done for the day. Again, I said.... what about his 2:30pm physical therapy session? She said it was moved to earlier in the day. That was when I got upset. So I decided to talk to the rehabilitation coordinator. Any one who knows anything about hospitals, knows there are NO PRIVATE conversations. Forget HIPAA! I learned that early on with Mattie, so truthfully when I am talking I do not care who hears me, I am going to get my point across if it is about the care provided to my loved on. This unit is learning quick.... that I am a Type A, that I come daily, that I will hold them accountable, and that ultimately I want what's in my dad's best interest. One of the aides today commented to me that my dad's hospital room always looks so neat and clean! You got it, I remove all medical debris (stuff falls constantly), I fold towels and linens dumped in the room, I Cavi wipe down all surfaces daily, and the list goes on!

Any case, I explained to the rehab coordinator that I am not happy with my dad's therapy schedule which changes daily. Particularly because they are consolidating all the treatment in the morning, leaving him chair bound from noon until 7pm. To me lack of movement for someone my dad's age is the kiss of death. So I acknowledged that schedules have to be changed to juggle other patients, but what could they do to get my dad up in the afternoon to walk the hallways? Keep in mind I am not allowed to move my dad on my own! The answer was they were going to put it in my dad's chart that his nurse should walk with him every afternoon! I can't tell you how hysterical that is because the nurses hardly have the time to manage their own tasks with multiple patients, so where they are supposed to find the time to walk my dad, is beyond me. My dad's nurse apparently did not like all the various concerns I brought up to the coordinator (because remember we were in the hallway), that she never returned to our room again, and instead we were assigned another nurse. This surprised me because I am always pro-nurse, I never experienced a nurse who did not want to work with me!

The other issue I had to address today was my dad's pain meds. He hasn't been receiving his dosages every six hours. My dad's PT requested this to my dad's doctor two days ago and the orders were still not in the system. So my dad is in pain and this makes it harder to get him moving and working toward his goals. Thankfully this issue was resolved today. I wish it wasn't this way, but in a hospital system, the family making the most noise, gets the attention!

I was able to observe my dad in his physical therapy session today. The therapist told me that earlier in the day, she got him up a flight of stairs, rested a few minutes, and then came back down the flight of stairs. I think she was surprised he could do this! I knew my dad could do it! He is actually stronger than he looks and given that I have him moving daily and getting four sessions of physical therapy a week at home, I know what he can and can't do! He couldn't move initially when hospitalized because he fell on his back, and was in pain. So today, I saw a glimpse of hope in his rehab story..... as he can walk, he can get in and out of bed with support, he is doing stairs, and with a lot of assistance he can get out of a chair. There are still things to work on, but I am seeing progress. 

Later in the day, my friend Ilona came to visit. We are both moms who lost are only children to cancer. We share this profound nightmare, and it has bonded us together. Ilona wanted to bring me something for my birthday this week. I love tea cookies, and they aren't easy to find in my area! When my dad saw them, he immediately wanted a cookie or two. When I tasted them, they reminded me of cookies my grandmother used to make. 

Ilona perked up our day, and for that we are grateful! What we endure each day, has worn us down physically and emotionally, and it helps to have people around us who get it! 

Sunday, July 20, 2025

Sunday, July 20, 2025

Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2004. This was our second trip to the Outer Banks of North Carolina with Mattie. That day we took him to Jockey's Ridge State Park. The Park has the tallest active sand dune system in the eastern United States. As you can see, Mattie and I were climbing it! Prior to having Mattie, we visited the Outer Banks frequently, but it took Mattie's presence for us to actually explore this amazing sand dune! It was a VERY HOT walk, but Mattie was interested, and as long as he wanted to do something..... I did it!

Quote of the day: It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience. ~ Julius Caesar

Since my dad has been hospitalized, I have been trying to sleep to around 8am each day. Yet even with more sleep, I am not feeling better. In June, the muscles in my neck began hurting. I attributed it to spending time in front of the computer, during the Foundation's Walk season. However, the pain hasn't gone away. If my parents were not my full time responsibility, I most likely would be consulting a doctor. But I just do not have the time to address this issue. Adding pain into my daily routine is wearing my down. 

We got to the hospital today around 1:30pm. My dad has basically slept the entire day away. There are no therapies scheduled on Sunday, and instead the unit views it as a day of rest. My dad wasn't just resting, he looked like he passed out! I was able to get him to eat all his lunch and his dinner, and then I worked on his hygiene. It amazes me that hospitals do not shower patients daily, and in my dad's case they did not even change his clothes from yesterday. So I rectified that, shaved him with an actual razor, brushed his teeth, cleaned his hair and hands, and then put lotion on his arms and hands (as they were very dry from hospital dry air). 

My dad's cough and congestion are definitely much better, he isn't running a fever, and I would say that his back pain is improving. He is no longer on oxycodone. However, his sugar levels are all over the place and I am not happy that they initially wouldn't allow my dad to take his oral diabetic medication. Instead they have been giving him insulin shots. This is their standard procedure, which they do at each hospital admission, but finally they allowed me to bring into the hospital his oral med, and they are administering it to him daily.

I am signing off for today, because I am wiped out. July has been a hard month, with both my 30th wedding anniversary, my dad's fall and hospitalization, and then this week.... Mattie's diagnosis day (July 23) and my birthday (July 25). Since 2008, I have associated my birthday with Mattie's diagnosis, and have yet to be able to uncouple these dates!