Tonight's picture was taken on Easter of 2004. Mattie was two years old. That day we went to the US Arboretum and walked around. Mattie loved this park because it was wide open, lots of things to see, never too many people, and wonderful walking paths. As you can see, Mattie found two dandelions and was carrying them around on his favorite form of transportation, on Peter's back. The one of the many things I learned from Mattie was to appreciate nature, walking outside, and exploring. This was not something I did prior to him, but it is definitely one of the gifts he left behind for me.
Quote of the day: When you are in psychological distress and someone really hears you without passing judgement on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good! ~ Carl R. Rogers
Ever since I was a graduate student, I have been a fan of Carl Rogers. Rogers was an American psychologist and among the founders of the humanistic approach to psychotherapy. Even as a young graduate student, his philosophy resonated with me.
Why? For two reasons. (1) Rogers believed that all people possess an inherent need to grow and achieve their potential. This need to achieve self-actualization, he believed, was one of the primary motives driving behavior. (2) For psychotherapy to be successful, Rogers suggested, it was imperative for the therapist to provide unconditional positive regard to the client. This means that the therapist accepts the client as they are and allows them to express both positive and negative feelings without judgment or reproach.
The humanistic approach is so powerful that I think it transcends therapeutic relationships and instead should be applied to every human interaction we have with people. Or at least be applied to people we wish to have a close connection to in our lives. Just think what a better world this would be if we could approach each other and truly listen to one another without the baggage of judgment, guilt, and ramifications. To be truly heard and our feelings understood are gifts.
I bring this up because my cousin Maureen text messaged me today. From one caregiver to another, we speak the same language and we are able to understand exactly where the other is coming from. Being a caregiver is a selfless 24/7 role and in the process, I am constantly reminded that the person I am now caring for is NO longer the person I once knew. Even through text messaging, I could tell immediately that Maureen understood my feelings and my exhaustion. Not that it makes me happy that she knows any of this first hand, what makes me happy is that what she said to me today helped to stabilize me. It is hard to be stable at times when living a truly impossible existence. But it is amazing what kind, insightful, and empathetic words can do for one's spirit.
It was another wild day on the farm. My day started at 5:30am. One thing about me is I am NOT a morning person. Yet since my parents moved in, there is no such thing as sleeping in! That concept is a distance memory! I had to get up very early because Blanca, the lady who helps me clean the house was coming over at 8:30. Which meant that Sunny needed to be fed and given his chemotherapy, I had to get showered and dressed, breakfast made, and tend to my dad's needs in order to get him washed, dressed, and downstairs by 8:30am. I felt like I was on a treadmill.
After dropping my dad off at his memory care center, I checked in with my mom who looked exhausted. She was sleeping at the breakfast table. I am seeing a pattern. She has a physical therapy session and then two and three days later she is luggage. Too tired to function. So while Blanca was cleaning up, I brought my mom to my bedroom, put her in bed, and let her watch TV. My parents do not want a TV in their bedroom, so in order to make today work, I had my mom in my room. While my mom was resting, I used that time to read a research paper, which I have been asked to review for a journal. Given that the research is on one of the Psychosocial Standards of Care, I truly want to do a good job on this. But finding time to read and synthesize information is close to impossible in my house. Thankfully today I was able to spend a few hours reading, re-reading, and writing notes about the study.
At 2pm, I went to pick up my dad and took both of my parents out for a late lunch. When Peter isn't home, we go out everyday. It gives us the chance to interact with the outside world. After lunch was over (which I assure you is never peaceful), I got home and was hit with one chore after the other (for example..... folding laundry, unloading the dishwasher, feeding Sunny and Indie, helping my mom deposit checks and pay bills, give my dad his pills, prep my dad's white board, calendar, and journal book for tomorrow, take the trash out to the curb, and open all mail and packages that came in). Literally it is 6pm and I am wiped out with no end in sight.
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