A Remembrance Video of Mattie

Thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive!

Dear Mattie Blog Readers,

It means a great deal to me that you take the time to write and to share your thoughts, feelings, and reflections on Mattie's battle and death. Your messages are very meaningful and help support me through very challenging times. I am forever grateful. As my readers know, I promised to write the blog for a year after Mattie's death, which would mean that I could technically have stopped writing on September 9, 2010. However, like my journey with grief there is so much that still needs to be processed and fortunately I have a willing support network still committed to reading. Therefore, the blog continues on. If I should find the need to stop writing, I assure you I will give you advanced notice. In the mean time, thank you for reading, thank you for having the courage to share this journey with me, and most importantly thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive.


As Mattie would say, Ooga Booga (meaning, I LOVE YOU)! Vicki



September 21, 2023

Thursday, September 21, 2023

Thursday, September 21, 2023

Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2007. I will never forget this moment in time. That day we went over to Zachary's house. Zachary and Mattie were best preschool buddies. They were absolutely inseparable. Through their friendship, I got to know and love Zachary's nanny, Sara. Sara was a natural with children, truly a loving, caring, and nurturing soul. As you can see, Sara had a baby of her own, and that day we went to meet Sara's baby. Both Mattie and Zachary were fascinated with the baby and they both got to hold him. It was precious and tender to see these boys bond with the baby. 


Quote of the day: We do not have to rely on memories to recapture the spirit of those we have loved and lost – they live within our souls in some perfect sanctuary which even death cannot destroy.Nan Witcomb


Sometimes I feel like I am absolutely drowning with my day to day tasks. My dad's decline continues and his incontinence to bowel movements gets me down. But overall, I would say that leaving our home in Washington, DC and moving into this house in Northern Virginia has been a less than pleasant experience for me. One would hope that in one's own house, I could feel relaxed, that it would be a haven, a sanctuary. But nothing about my home is peaceful. I do not feel bonded with neighbors or the community and when my parents are no longer with me, I will be exiting this neighborhood as quickly as possible. I deserve to be in a place and space where I feel comfortable, appreciated, and part of something bigger. I have a lot to say on this matter, but given how upset I am now, I am keeping it to myself. 

The highlight of my day was an email exchange I had with my friend Carolyn. Carolyn and I have known each other since 2005, when our children were in the same preschool classroom. I always loved Carolyn's daughter (Ellie). Mattie went to a co-op preschool, which meant I had the opportunity to assist in the classroom practically once a month. Overall, I would say that not all children connect with me, I am better with adults. But Ellie and I had a special friendship right from the beginning. It is hard to believe Ellie is now a young woman. Afterall, Mattie is still 7 to me, and I expect his friends in some way to also be stuck in time! Of course that isn't reality. In any case, many of you who have attended our Foundation Walks know Carolyn, as she has been our Raffle Chair since our first Walk in 2010. I truly value Carolyn's commitment to the Foundation and I appreciate my connections with Ellie. In fact, I love being a part of her life journey. I have lost touch with so many of Mattie's friends, for one reason or another. This of course saddens me, which is why the friendship I have with Carolyn and Ellie is quite unique and noteworthy. In any case on yet another difficult day, I truly am grateful for the friends who stand with me over all these years.  

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