Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2004. Mattie was two and half years old. That year, we went back to Target, and again we picked out a costume together. I knew full well that there would be no way Mattie would want a real costume, that potentially could be made of an uncomfortable or itchy material. For the first few years, we stuck with sweat suit material, and it worked just fine. Mattie and I loved reading Winnie the Pooh books together, so when we saw this in the store, we both gravitated to it. He was the cutest pooh ever.
Quote of the day: Grief can destroy you — or focus you. You can decide a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and you alone. OR you can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn’t allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it. ~ Dean Koontz
Cassidy tag teams with my dad's therapist on the weekends, so she will still be coming to our home and I will see her on occasion. But it won't be the exact same.
After the session, where my mom worked hard, I took her to Starbucks. She loves our local store and everyone who works there knows us. They truly treat us in a special way, and carrying things to the table for me.
I remember YEARS ago, when I was in graduate school, I was assigned to work with a young male client. He was struggling with depression. He was a bright and introspective man, and I can distinctly recall his conversations with me about Starbucks. My client would walk passed his local Starbucks on a daily basis. He wanted to be like one of the customers sitting in there, drinking coffee. Not because he wanted coffee, but because he wanted to feel like he was out and about in the world, connected to something, and living life to the fullest. Of course this was his perception.... that if you are in Starbucks you are doing okay. This client and his comments remain with me always, as I felt his pain, sadness, and despair.
Now years later, I sit in a Starbucks with my mom weekly. Unlike my client, I am sitting inside, looking out. I am not necessarily sad or depressed, like he was, but I have a better understanding of the mood and his feelings, given my multiple of life experiences. This client came into my life almost 20 years ago, and yet I can picture him, our conversations, and the depth of his pain even now.
Back then, I was very young myself, and did not have the same insights as I do now. I tried to empathize, be present, and provide hope, but now I may have supported him in a different way. Being young and with one's life ahead of me, I tended to have a particular lens on problems and issues. Therefore, I am not sure I was able to sit with someone else's pain, fears, and despair, like I can now. Unfortunately the emotions he was expressing are indeed part of life. So it isn't a question of removing or getting over them, as much as it is about absorbing, reflecting, processing, and taking that knowledge to move forward with them.
In any case, whenever I go to Starbuck's now, I think this client and I hope he has found happiness, stability, and a way forward. But his comments remind me that people perceive what other people are doing in a way that most likely is not accurate.
No comments:
Post a Comment