Sunday, June 23, 2024

Sunday, June 23, 2024

Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2009. I typically do not post photos of Mattie in treatment anymore, but tonight, I decided to post this photo which was taken right after Mattie's sternotomy, to remove seven tumors in his lungs. Even if I am not posting photos like this each day, that doesn't mean that these images, these experiences, and the ramifications of all of this doesn't dwell within me. It does. I recall all these painful moments, life and death decisions, and the agony that Mattie endured. A mom never forgets. 

Quote of the day: One day you're going to remember me and how much I loved you … then you're going to hate yourself for letting me go. ~ Aubrey Drake Graham

Another glorious moon through my bedroom window! I am certain I am seeing this for a reason. It has been a hard week and to add to the emotional pain, I also have physical pain. My back aches tremendously. So much so that Advil isn't helping. I do find heat helpful, but that would mean that I have to sit still long enough. Once my parents are awake, my opportunity to care for myself is non-existent. 

It is so hot that I am checking on my garden at least twice a day now. In fact, after I write tonight's posting, I am heading outside to water my green babies. 

I planted these knock out roses about a month ago. They are thriving and glorious!

I did not realize that Peter planted Alliums. He knew I liked them a lot. I first got introduced to Alliums at a farmer's market in 2022. I learned that chefs use the flower of the allium in lieu of garlic. Literally the stalk and flower smell just like garlic. But I also love the flower from an aesthetic standpoint. Now I have the flowers, but I do not have Peter. Some days I truly am so disoriented and disillusioned about Peter leaving me. 

Welcome to the June beetle. These pests are eating my roses. I sprayed the roses today and will be working my best to remove them from my garden, because when you mess with my roses, there are consequences. 

How do you like my "Sunny" hibiscus? I admit, that I bought them a month ago because of the name. They are my tribute to my beautiful pal, Sunny. Oh how he is missed. 

When I bought these plants, they were much smaller. They are thriving in my pots and wow do they love water!

Three things I am grateful for:

1. Friends who write, check in, and think about me. I feel terrible that I can't be a friend to anyone now. Life is chaotic, devastating, and beyond overwhelming. I am grateful that my friends understand. 
2. Being able to return things easily through Amazon! I can't wait to get rid of the TENS unit and Water Pik tomorrow! Not good purchases. 
3. 
   I took my parents out to brunch today. Typically my mom wants to order the same thing I do. I don't mind for the most part, though I am cognizant that she won't eat many things, so it limits what I can order. Today she ordered her own thing, and I got to order what I wanted, BBQ ribs. This is not something I will make at home, since my dad no longer likes ribs. In any case, I can't tell you how many times Peter and I cooked ribs together in the summer months. Today's meal reminded me of happier times. Times when I was happily married and knew that Peter loved me.