Quote of the day: "In helping others, we shall help ourselves, for whatever good we give out completes the circle and comes back to us." ~ Flora Edwards
Peter and I had a break together today, while Marisa watched Mattie. Marisa is the daughter of a friend and colleague of mine. Marisa came over with a bag full of trolls, dolls with funny and colorful hair. These dolls instantly engaged Mattie and he was off and playing. This was great for me, because while he was focused on Marisa, I moved bags of things downstairs and onto our deck so we could donate them today. It was wonderful to remove five large bags of things, but sad too because it doesn't even look like we even made a dent in Mattie's room!
Peter and I spent the first hour and a half running around doing chores. One of which was picking up Mattie's medications. The frustrating part was we had to bring the antibiotics home because they needed to be refrigerated. Going back home wasn't top on my list since I had just left, but I wasn't going to take a chance leaving the medication in the car, due to the heat. After all the chores, we had nice lunch together. We sat outside while having lunch, ate like a normal person, and actually had a chance to stop, think, and talk with one another. One of the first things to go, I have noticed, when you intensely care for someone, is that non essential conversation is eliminated. Peter and I bearly have time to chat with each other on relevant information as it pertains to Mattie's care. Our lives are so programmed that unless something is absolutely necessary it gets eliminated. Certainly this is understandable, as we are living through a chronic crisis, however, eliminating such things as conversation, peaceful meals together, and having time to reconnect does take a toll on us as individuals and a couple. While Peter and I were out, Marisa called us, and Mattie wanted us to come home. This call did not surprise me, but I was happy that he did manage without us for several hours. I am looking for the positive here. None the less, Peter and I really appreciated Marisa working for us today, because it gave us a much needed break.
When we arrived home, Mattie and Marisa were making plastic bugs together in this oven he received as a gift. Basically you can pour gel in metal molds, bake them, and out pops a bug. Delightful, no? Mattie wanted to make sure Marisa got to see the finished products before she left! After we said our good-byes to Marisa, we helped Mattie get ready to leave the house and go to the Smithsonian's Air and Space IMAX theatre, to see the movie, Night at the Museum. Mattie's preschool buddy, Alex, and his family invited us tonight, and it was a great adventure. Parking was easy, which is a feat in Washington, DC, and Mattie enjoyed seeing the activities and people at the museum. For those of you who haven't seen this movie, it is very humorous and creative. It is creative because at night, all the creatures and historical figures come back to life in the museum and interact with each other. I can honestly say this movie made me laugh, and this is something I don't get much of an opportunity to do. Mattie enjoyed the movie too and at one point I noticed he looked over to me and smiled. He was trying to check to see if I was having a good time, and seeing him smile made me very happy. I am sure I must be one of the only people on the planet who could tear up in this movie, but there is a scene between the main character and Amelia Earhart (remember at night these figures come back to life), in which Amelia thanks the main character for giving her a lifetime of fun in one night. Maybe that line wouldn't have meant anything to me a year ago, but now it has great meaning. Whenever I have a break, which isn't often, I feel the need to absorb everything around me in hopes it will change my feelings, outlook, and perspective. In essence I try to pack a lot into one free moment, in order to recapture happiness. Anycase, it is funny how cancer has changed my whole perspective on life, people, and the world around me, so much so that I can't go to even a movie without somehow applying it with my own life.
After the movie, we walked around a bit on the Washington Mall because it was a lovely evening. Peter took some pictures of Mattie and Alex together in front of the Capitol and the Washington Monument.
Mattie decided he wanted to walk home from the Washington Mall rather than drive back home. So literally I drove home by myself, and Peter walked home with Mattie. Mattie and Peter looked completely overheated by the time they got home, but Mattie enjoyed the fresh air and the walk. Mattie has been complaining of arm pain tonight, which of course always makes me nervous. But for tonight anyway I have rationalized the pain as pain from Friday's physical therapy session, where he put a lot of pressure on his arms to walk. It is just unsettling to hear about any aches and pains, because this brings back the memory of July 2008. I am hoping this fear goes away in time, but I am a realist.
I would like to end tonight's posting with a message from my friend, Charlie. Charlie wrote, "Sometimes when I read the blog I am exhausted when I finish and I wonder how you can possibly pack so much into one day. Friday was one of those days and I just wonder where you found the energy to keep going. Playing full out all morning with Mattie, lunch with Peter (that made me laugh, I could just hear you and Mattie telling him about Chefs Mattie and Sunshine), then a race home and packing up to go to the clinic for therapy. Anyone else would have quit there but you then went off to a play and dinner. Wow! I don't know how you did all that. I am sorry Mattie did not manage to make it through dinner and is still having so many eating problems. I was very touched by your mother's email about "chronic sorrow as a profound unhappiness that exists in your soul," coloring everything you see or do. I do agree with that and I realize that every time you see other children doing things Mattie currently cannot, this feeling comes to the forefront. I also know that if you isolate yourself (and Mattie) you run the risk of becoming depressed on top of this. Perhaps the temporary solution is somewhere in between for now, to ration your time to what you feel you and Mattie can handle. I know that those who care about you and Mattie will understand your need to protect both of you. This is truly a difficult balancing act but if anyone can do it, you can. I hope Saturday's sunshine puts a smile in Mattie's heart."
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