Monday, May 3, 2010

Monday, May 3, 2010

Tonight's picture was taken in May 2009, at the March for a Mattie Miracle. I love this picture because it captures the excitement and happiness of that day! I did not take this picture, it was actually captured by my friend, Christine. Her son, Campbell is behind Mattie's wheelchair pushing it. Also in the picture, is Mattie's "girlfriend," Charlotte, and his good buddy from the hospital, Robbie. If you look closely, you will see Mattie is holding a cup! Want to guess what was in the cup? If you guessed 10 tent caterpillars then you would have been correct! Mattie helped nurture these caterpillars, and I am happy to say they transformed into 10 moths that were released on our deck. In a way, it is hard to believe one year later, as we plan the Foundation Walk, the tone for me is so different from year. It is different because I have experienced first hand the power of cancer. Cancer is the culprit that took my son from me, and therefore my motivation for doing the Walk this year is completely different. Peter and I want to help other children and families going through this battle, and with time, I believe that the convictions and energy I had for helping Mattie will be redirected toward helping advocate and support others through their cancer journey. For me the MMCF Walk is just the beginning of this new direction in my life. Or at least this is what I am hoping.

Poem of the day: Bonded by Charlie Brown


We are bonded
A husband and wife
In love and faith
To each other
When we said
In sickness and
In health
'Til death
Do us part
Who could have
Imagined
It would be
Our son
We would see depart
We remain bonded
A husband and wife
Together with broken hearts

Today I had the opportunity to connect by e-mail with Sammie's mom, Chris. Many of my faithful readers know that Sammie was the beautiful 12 year old girl who died a month after Mattie from osteosarcoma. I asked Chris if she would send me a picture of Sammie, because I would like to  remember her at the Walk this year. Chris sent an amazing picture of her daughter, and when I looked at it, it was almost impossible to imagine that this vibrant individual is no longer with us. I am honored to have Sammie's photo and I feel seeing pictures of children who have died from osteosarcoma make a powerful statement. More so than any words I could deliver. After seeing Sammie and Mattie's faces, in my opinion, it is hard not to see that something must be done to address pediatric cancer in this Country. Sammie and Mattie, and many others who have been struck down by pediatric cancer are our constant reminders as to why such a Walk needs to happen, and why children with cancer need our financial and emotional support. Our children deserved a chance to live, but unfortunately because of the lack of funding given to pediatric cancers, our children are left to battle cancer with treatments that are over 20 years old.

Though Chris lives on the West Coast, we experience and feel similar things. It actually makes me feel that I am not alone at times. We both realize that Mother's day is fast approaching, and we just do not know how to handle this either. I was at the Hallmark store today, and when I passed through the Mother's day card section, I began to cry. A day that should be so happy, a day that may be the most celebrated "flower" day in the Country, is a day that now brings me great sadness. It is now a day that reminds me that I was once a mother, but am no longer.

This afternoon, I was invited to attend a retirement party of one of my mentors, Honey Nashman. Honey has been working at The George Washington University for 43 years. Honey received many tributes today from university administrators, faculty members, students, and alumni. It was a very touching and powerful event. In fact, the DC City Council passed a resolution that May 3, is hereby Honey W. Nashman Day in Washington, DC. Honey is an outstanding educator, but what captures you about Honey is her personal, warm, compassionate, and inspiring demeanor. As many of her students stated, in Honey's presence they feel empowered to reach their goals, because they know she has confidence and faith in them. Honey has served as an excemplary role model for undergraduates at GW, has created a well recognized human services program, and has instilled the importance of service learning into the curriculum, and within the University community as a whole.

At the event, I had the wonderful opportunity to see many of the students I taught over the years. They have all since graduated and are now working professionals. In fact, all of Mattie's babysitters were former students of mine, and I had the opportunity to see Emily tonight, one of Mattie VERY first babysitters. Emily stays connected with us and she is helping us with ways to electronically promote the Foundation. However, a former student came up to me tonight and wanted to thank me for being her inspiration. That caught me off guard, because I only taught one undergraduate course a year, unlike the numerous graduate courses I would cover in a year. She wanted me to know that she decided to go to graduate school to become a mental health professional because of me. She wanted me to know how much she appreciated me as her professor, and how much she has appreciated getting to know me through the blog. Needless to say, I was very honored. Another former student came up to me and asked about Mattie. She was unaware of the fact that he developed cancer and died. So clearly she was quite surprised by my response. I then stitched the topic and asked her where she was working. She told me she was only working part time because she is raising her two children. The way she told me this, made me feel as if, she thought I would be disappointed in such a decision. Since I sensed that, I stopped her and told her she is doing what she is supposed to be doing now, raising her children. She will have a lifetime ahead of her to work full time, but only one chance to raise her small children. Having lost a child to cancer, I can say without regret that I am happy I was Mattie's full time mom. Yes I was a professional as well, but only worked in the evenings, after Peter got home. At the time it was hard, but I have no regrets about the fact that Mattie was always my first priority.

Reconnecting with Honey's students was a pleasure tonight. They are all individuals who are passionate about helping people, who follow their convictions, and who are true change agents in our communities. You have to admire these young minds and hearts, and it was special to think that I perhaps impacted them in some way.

I would like to end tonight's posting with a message from my friend, Charlie. Charlie wrote, "It has to be so hard to read all this material and try to distill out the essence of what you want people to know. There is just so much to read and right now I suspect, in terms of children's osteosarcoma, much of it is not very positive. I hope that you and Peter can find some satisfaction in getting all this done. You have set yourselves an almost herculean task with the march and the foundation and I pray that they are both what you want them to be. One of the things facing you and Peter going forward is to find new rituals for your weekends. I am not suggesting you forget (as if you could or would) what you did with Mattie, but you need to find a way to reclaim that time in a way that is meaningful and perhaps brings you together. As I practice today and try to put all the pieces together, I will send you the energy of that effort to help you with your efforts to bring your "pieces" together. I hold you gently in my thoughts."