Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2004, Mattie was two and a half years old. In front of him were three of his favorite vehicles, his fire engine, a front loader, and a school bus. These three wheeled objects got around, even in the sandbox and the bath tub. Mattie learned the hard way that vehicles with batteries do not LIKE sand or water! I still recall the sound of the school bus after it had been drenched in water. Nonetheless, the warped sound of the bus made Mattie and I laugh. This picture reminds me of the way our living room and dining room space was transformed by his toys. Toys were everywhere, despite my level of organization. At that time it took some adjustment to the chaos of having a toddler around full time, but looking back we wouldn't have traded these minutes, hours, and days with Mattie.
Quote of the day: No light that was born in love can ever be extinguished. ~ Darcie D. Sims
Yesterday, I was in our laundry room of our complex and bumped into my upstairs neighbor. The lady who lives directly above us. She happened to mention to me that she thought it was cute that when she looks out her window she can see other children playing in Mattie's sandbox. I guess I wasn't expecting that comment, which would most likely explain why I snapped at her when she shared this with me. I basically said that the sandbox was Mattie's, it doesn't belong to the complex, or the other children. I also told her that when I first saw children in the sandbox it greatly upset me. It upset me because I did not want Mattie's things touched, and certainly not touched without asking me. I remember several months ago, when I was upset about the whole sandbox, Peter went out to talk to the parents congregated outside our gate, socializing, while their children were playing. He explained that the sandbox belonged to our son, who was no longer alive. Peter did this in front of the adults only. To my dismay, Peter told me that the adults did not say they were sorry, they showed no empathy for our loss, and kept right along doing what they were doing. Fortunately I wasn't outside, because I would have probably lost it. I can be very professional looking, but if you set me off, I can also be very aggressive and volatile. There were times, after that parent encounter, where I wanted to go outside and drag the sandbox right back onto our deck (however, we don't have much space on the deck thanks to Speedy Red - Mattie's ride on car that takes up 1/3 of the space). But I haven't done that. I haven't done that for one reason. The reason is the children. Living in our complex, in the city, there is NO place for the children to meet and play. If they are happy to play in the sandbox, then I have a feeling on some level Mattie would approve. So I do it for the children, and MOST definitely not for the insensitive parents. I thought I let those feelings go, until my neighbor innocently brought up the topic yesterday.
It is frigid today in Washington, DC, and the weather greatly affects my motivation to do things. Peter literally got me up this morning and suggested we go to our exercise room in the complex and walk on the treadmill. After 2.57 miles later, I felt a bit more energetic, came back and made us a late breakfast, and then we sat besides each other for the rest of the day working on Foundation things. We also have our first Foundation strategy session with Brett Thompson (the co-founder of the Pork Barrel BBQ restaurant) on Monday, so we are trying to get our thoughts together for that. Nonetheless, we are so grateful to Brett for sharing his knowledge and expertise with us!
Fortunately Peter and I had dinner plans with our friends Christine and James tonight. Because it got us out and among other people. I made dinner reservations over two weeks ago, however, when we arrived tonight, they couldn't find my name on the list. Luckily, Peter and I had dined at this restaurant about three weeks ago and they could see I do have a pattern of making reservations. Thankfully they found a table for us and we had a delightful dinner. We chatted in pairs and as a foursome as well, and exchanged stories, ideas, and feelings. In fact, James was telling me a story about someone he knows, and as I was sitting listening to his story, I provided my own two cents on what I was hearing. The funny part is James thanked me for my insights and clarification on this person's behavior, and he said that was why I was the mental health professional in the group. I was flattered, but I also think having a fresh lens on the person he was describing helped a great deal!
It was a memorable dinner, with food that was tasty and presented in a lovely manner. It made for a special evening for all of us, and I always appreciate how Christine lets me know how Mattie's life and death has given her perspective on how she lives her life. Each time we meet she shares something with me, and I think it is through this sharing, that our friendship continues to grow and in a way heal. We are healing as friends, since we are no longer united through our boys.
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