Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2004. I remember this moment in time, because Mattie was sitting at our table having a piece of his birthday cake.... the day after his party! As I was trying to snap a picture of him he felt the need to grab the camera from me. As you can see he clearly got a good laugh out of trying to do this! Mattie was two years old in this picture, full of life, with beautiful color in his cheeks, and there was NO indication that an aggressive cancer was developing inside of him.
Quote of the day: There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state to another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must have felt what it is to die, that we may appreciate the enjoyments of life. ~ Alexandre Dumas
After an amazingly LONG and challenging weekend of web design, Peter and I are happy to launch the Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation Walk website today. I encourage our readers to visit the site and learn more about the walk, meet our featured "Faces of Hope," check out our exciting activities, and consider having friends and family pledge money for you to walk at the event. Your support is vital to us. Support could be financial support, participation at the Walk, and/or promoting our Walk on your facebook page and listservs. Getting the word out about the Walk is crucial to our success and I thank you for helping us with this endeavor. Visit: www.mattiemiracle.com/; then click on Cancer Walk
This morning, Peter and I alerted our Walk planning committee of the Walk website launch. Throughout the day I have been getting very cute and hysterically funny e-mails. I have been called Vicki...aka webmaster and Vicki.....computer technology and web design pro! This makes me laugh, because I am technologically challenged. Without Peter, I would still be sitting at the computer most likely tearing my hair out. Peter is the web designer in our house and I help with the logic and content of populating the website. As I say to Peter, even under great stress we still work well together. We have different skill sets, that when pooled together allows us to accomplish great things.
I had the pleasure of spending time with Margaret today. As many of my faithful readers know, Margaret was Mattie's first preschool teacher at Resurrection Children's Center. When Mattie entered Margaret's classroom, he was fragile, and I wasn't too far behind him. He was misunderstood by many, and after having a terrible montessori preschool experience the previous fall, I was hesitant about school in general. Mattie and I both instantly related to Margaret. In fact, after my first interaction with Margaret (during an admission playdate), I told Peter we had to get Mattie into her classroom somehow. Thankfully the school took a chance on us, and what resulted was two memorable and enriching years in preschool.
The ironic part was Margaret was Mattie's teacher, however, what I never bargained for was that Margaret and I were going to become friends. Mattie made that possible. Today was Margaret's birthday, and I enjoyed spending the day with her. We had lunch together, exchanged gifts (yes, I got a gift too, and it wasn't even my birthday), and walked by the Potomac River. As usual, four hours flew by, but Margaret and I are very good at talking and appreciating each other.
Later in the day when I got home, I called my mom. Making phone calls is not my forte anymore. It is a by-product of raising Mattie and battling cancer with him. Mattie despised me being on the phone. My parents have gotten used to my lack of phone calls, but I need some input this week on a couple of pressing issues, and live chatting beats an email any day. I think my mom was surprised that I called and yet we were both very happy to be chatting with each other. There are MANY psychosocial long-term effects on me of surviving Mattie's battle with osteosarcoma. Many of which revolve around the phone. I do not like talking on the phone, and yet my blackberry is constantly attached to me, as if some vital message is going to be email or text messaged to me. Logically I know that makes no sense, but fear, sadness, and grief do not always make sense!
This evening, I received a beautiful email from my friend, Christine. As many of readers may recall, Christine is Campbell's mom. Mattie and Campbell were very close friends in kindergarten. As they became close, so did Christine and I. In fact we spent many afternoons together after school. With Mattie's death, Campbell lost a close friend, which is challenging for such a young, bright, and sensitive mind to process, but it is also a tremendous loss to Christine and I. Our worlds no longer intertwine. Despite that, we work hard on staying connected, and as I told her, sometimes I feel no one truly gets how I feel. However, after reading her message today, I had to re-evaluate my feelings. As I enter Donna's classroom in a few weeks to do a three part kindergarten art series, Christine will be coming in with me. I welcome her help, support, and opportunity to do something together involving children. Christine wrote, "I have been keeping tabs on you through the blog. I am honestly blown away by what you have accomplished in a year. I absolutely HATE that our lives have taken different paths, but I want to make sure that they cross OFTEN and, while I can't come close to feeling what you are going through, I do understand and empathize with your feelings especially as they relate to unrealized futures, healthy kids/family life, etc. It takes an extraordinary person (or couple) to find a way to help others after losing so much yourself. I think about that all the time."
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