Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2006. Peter and I took Mattie on a nature trail, and along our journey a tree had fallen. Mattie thought it would be a good idea to climb on the tree and check out the view from atop of the limb. As you can see from this picture his venture was a success.
Quote of the day: To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world. ~ Unknown
Today was Peter's first full day back to work. I am sure after a 12 hour day, he feels as if he never went on vacation! When he arrived home tonight, I met him outside in the garden. I was watering our plants and lemon tree and trying to nurse everyone back to health! In his hands, he was carrying the mail. We have become a society of electronic communication, that rarely do we receive correspondence in the mail that is not a bill or advertisement. But today Peter handed me a card.
Our friend, Tamra, sent me a card. Many of my faithful blog readers know that Tamra was the member of Team Mattie who brought me all sorts of tasty treats while Mattie was in the hospital, and toward the end of Mattie's life she visited daily with tea and coffee for us. The day before Mattie died, Tamra dropped off things in Mattie's room to us, she took one look at Mattie, said nothing, gave us both hugs, and turned around and left. That was actually the right thing to do! Because at that point, no words were necessary, able to be tolerated, or even acceptable given the situation before us. That moment in time and Tamra's sensitivity will always remain with me. When I opened Tamra's card today, she wanted us to know she was thinking of us and how much she loved the Foundation's Walk. She understood that was a labor of my love. On the front of Tamra's card was the beautiful quote reflected in tonight's blog. The quote is SO meaningful and powerful, because in all reality this is what we all desire. To be important and needed in the eyes of another. However, so many people are afraid to let others know how they feel. Therefore, Tamra's card and sentiments meant a great deal to me.
In fact, Tamra's card had me reflect on a Helen Reddy song entitled, You and Me Against the World. For those of you unfamiliar with this classic, click on this link to hear it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQ9j3dhZ6ys. This was a song I frequently sang to Mattie. It was one of our songs. I sang it to him starting at age 2. Mattie was not always appreciated by others around him. He was a late talker and had sensory issues which we worked through. But this combination made him challenging to raise. However, despite his biting, hitting, and extreme tantrums, I always saw a very special boy through these behaviors. Behaviors can be corrected and new ones can be learned, but what is at the core of a child is what is hard to change. Mattie's core was always bright, passionate, and energetic. So at times when others did not get him or us, I would sing this song to him. The ironic part is how the song ends, with the notion that one of us will die and the other one will have to carry on. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect Mattie to go before me.
I accomplished a lot of chores today and during lunch time, I went to visit Ann's mom, Mary. I haven't seen Mary for weeks, and I know she has missed seeing me. I brought her, Shayla (her caregiver), and myself lunch and we all had it together and chatted. Mary calls me her "true blue," I guess because she perceives me as reliable, loyal, and trustworthy. All lovely compliments. While chatting over lunch, Mary started talking about her son and her hopes that she would see him. As many of my readers know, Mary's son died from cancer over three years ago. However, her son remains on her mind and she longs to reconnect with him. If I hadn't lost Mattie to cancer, I most likely would have answered Mary with a more matter of fact and realistic response. Meaning that she wouldn't see him any time soon, because she is alive and he died. However, instead my response to her today was that her son probably visits her more than she realizes. I said that he is most likely always with her, but that I wished for her to see him soon too. I do think being open and receptive to signs from nature, helps us to connect with our sons. I am a concrete and grounded person and I am not sure I would have felt this way prior to cancer, but now I am open to possibilities and open to things I can't explain.
Later in the day, I had a follow up doctor's appointment. The joke I have with this doctor is I see her and her staff more often than some of my family and friends. They all get a chuckle out of that. In April and May alone, I was practically at this doctor's office every other week dealing with pain. After the end of my exam today, the doctor told me she thinks I am "adorable" and wanted to give me a hug. I told her I accept hugs in return for appointments whenever I need them!
I would like to end tonight's posting with a special message from my friend and colleague. Nancy is one of the people who always seems to know exactly what to say when I need to hear it. Nancy wrote, "I was sad to read of the lose of some of your beautiful flowers. It was quite a shock and I understand how you needed to take care of it right away. It is important that we right the wrongs we have control over. Another metaphor of the incomprehensible loss that you experienced. You did all the right things with Mattie's care and still he died. No one can explain it and now you do everything that Peter and you can to honor his life. As many have said; "You are special and loved." I look forward to the pictures showing the new Mattie symbols on the patio. Thinking of you this Tuesday."
No comments:
Post a Comment