Sunday, September 4, 2011Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2007. One weekend Peter and I took Mattie to a park along the Chesapeake Bay. At the park Mattie saw a wooden gazebo and wanted to sit underneath it. While sitting, Peter snapped a picture of us. Mattie and I spent a great deal of time together everyday of his life. His life was important to me and as such, most things I did (even work) revolved around him. Now that he is gone, there is a major void in our lives. It isn't only the emotional component of his death and loss, but there is a real physical component to his loss. Children have a way of guiding your days, filling up your time, and giving you a different outlook about the present and the future. Without Mattie, we are lost at times. Certainly Peter works full time and I manage the Foundation, but these things in no way fill the void that is left behind.
Quote of the day: Time is a physician that heals every grief. ~ Diphilus
For my faithful blog readers, I am sure I most likely do not need to tell you what I think about this quote from the Ancient Greek poet, Diphilus. One of the cliches which I absolutely detest is time heals all wounds. I would like to know the origin of this quote, because I have to imagine it was written by someone who did not have the foggiest notion about loss and trauma. In fact, when I googled this cliche, I found a quote by Rose Kennedy which said..... "It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."
Diphilus' quote further irritates me because in addition to feeling that time heals all wounds he was equating time to a physician. Newsflash, physicians do not and can NOT heal all wounds, grief included. I have interacted with enough doctors to know that many of them have a God like complex in which they feel as if they can and do perform miracles. Some expect to be treated accordingly. However, oncologists tend to be quite different. Oncologists have a more balanced view of the world of medicine, I imagine they are forced to be this way because despite their best efforts medications and surgery don't always work for their patients and they die. It is within some of Mattie's doctors that I found humility, compassion, and a true sense of collaboration. They understood that it would take more than medicine to try to attack Mattie's cancer.
So though I do not relate to this statement I felt it was important to reiterate that time and physicians DO NOT heal all wounds. I think we have allowed ourselves to believe both because it then allows us a certain sense of control and peace in our lives. After all, it is hard to live with the simple fact that having a terminal illness is beyond any of our control as well as the grief and pain experienced from surviving life's challenges and traumas have no expiration date.
Today Peter and I rented a double kayak and paddled our way around the Potomac River. With each time that I kayak with Peter, I find that I am learning to row much better and in fact Peter and I were rowing in rhythm. We rowed for an hour at which point I couldn't do any more. However, along our journey I captured some wonderful sights by camera. Yes I am indeed crazy enough to take a camera into a kayak. I wrap it in a Ziploc bag, but there are two things I have learned never to travel without anywhere.... one is my Blackberry and the other is my camera.
This picture makes me laugh! Literally in the middle of the river was a man who stopped paddle boarding (which if you haven't seen this is just a surf board what a person stands on top of it, and uses a paddle while standing on top of the board to propel forward), and decided to lie on his board to relax and capture sun. Keep in mind that the water was busy today with all sorts of boat traffic since it is a holiday weekend. I admire the fact that he could do this and wasn't worried in the least that he could get hit by a boat. 
As we passed Washington Harbor, I saw ducks sitting on an incredible stack of drift wood. This particular duck caught my attention because he seemed so regal and peaceful sitting on this wood. I frankly was stunned that these ducks did not move AT all, despite our kayak coming quite close to them. Peter and I joked that they are "city ducks" and are simply used to people all around them. 
We kayaked around Roosevelt Island and I captured a picture of the walking Bridge that we usually traverse on the weekends to get to the Island. In addition, in the far background you can also see Georgetown University. The building with the spires on it is really a landmark to Georgetown's campus, and I know on certain occasions when I took a break and left the pediatric unit of the hospital for a few minutes, I occasionally walked to this building on campus. It was one of my few escapes.
With the camera to my side, I snapped a picture of Peter in our Kayak!
The buildings around us have placed their American flags out in honor of September 11th. It makes me recall how the city was decorated with flags after September 11, 2001. 
I captured "Ducks on a Rock!" We literally paddled right next to these ladies and they didn't move. They were a marvelous sight to see. 
A close up of the girls on a rock! 
As we kayaked near the Key Bridge today, a couple standing on the walkway above us on the bridge waved to us. In all the years I lived in DC, I have never been in a kayak under the bridge, so I felt compelled to snap a picture of this moment. 
At the end of our journey today we saw a Great Blue Heron. One of my favorite birds to spot. We are beginning to get to know the people who work down by the dock who help people into kayaks. This one fellow today asked Peter and I about our orange drawstring bag and t-shirts. All Mattie Miracle items! When we told him about the Foundation, he not only wished us a good day, but told us he hopes God blesses us.
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