Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2007. Each year Mattie requested that the size of his pool on our deck be larger. We started out with a small pool, and after several summers, we landed up with this huge rainbow pool. A pool which felt like it took up half of our deck space. Keep in mind that Mattie did not like to swim and therefore did not want a pool for that purpose. He wanted the pool to float his toys, to drive his remote controlled boats, and to run his various scientific experiments. When I look at this picture now, it seems like ages ago when our deck looked like this and that Mattie was a part of our lives.
Quote of the day: If one advances confidently in the direction of one’s dreams, and endeavors to live the life which one has imagined, one will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. ~ Henry David Thoreau
This afternoon, Ellen and her family came to their beach house, where we are staying. Charlotte, Ellen's daughter, had her last day of school today. Charlotte told us about her last day and she showed me the wonderful gift her teacher made for each child in her class. Peter and I have enjoyed our day with Charlotte, and as I told Ellen tonight, I can see why Mattie loved Charlotte. Charlotte has a contagious laugh and as Peter was acting silly and getting her to laugh tonight, I couldn't help but reflect on all the times I heard that same laugh, when she was playing with Mattie.
The last day of school clearly doesn't impact me at all, or it shouldn't. Yet it does. I can't help but reflect upon the last day of school in 2008. Some times it is hard to rationalize how Mattie is no longer with us, and yet his friends get older, they are growing, developing, and have amazing and diverse interests.
I am not sure why this was a challenging day for me, but it was. Over lunch, I landed up in tears, and the beauty of the situation is I did not have to explain to Peter why. He simply understood. He understood that today was the last day of school. He understood that summer has officially began for Mattie's cohort, and yet, for me it is the beginning of the time of year in which I begin to flounder. Flounder more so than the rest of the year, if that is possible. It is also the time of year in which I associate with Mattie's cancer diagnosis.
I try to compensate with staying busy and getting involved in different Foundation activities, but regardless of how much I take on, nothing quite fits the void of Mattie.