Thursday, March 28, 2013

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Tonight's picture was taken on April 4, 2002, the day Mattie was born. Mattie was born at 12:53 am, and as Peter says, I was OUT OF IT. I had a hard labor and delivery, almost 48 hours long, with an 102 fever, and my first migraine. In addition, during an emergency C-section, a grapefruit size tumor was found on my bladder. So as Mattie made his way to the nursery, I underwent surgery. Peter stayed with Mattie the whole time and took this beautiful picture of Mattie greeting the world in the nursery. Mattie was born VERY alert. Mattie LOVED hearing me tell his birth story to him, and on April 4th, I will share this story once again with my readers. The last time I retold this story to Mattie was on August 5, 2009, the day we found out his cancer case was terminal. Mattie and I were sitting in the hospital garden, and out of the blue, he wanted to sit in my lap and hear his birth story once again! I remember that moment in time like it were yesterday. He knew something was gravely wrong before all of us. Hearing the story that day made us briefly forget the horror that was before us.


Quote of the day: If a mother is mourning not for what she has lost but for what her dead child has lost, it is a comfort to believe that the child has not lost the end for which it was created. And it is a comfort to believe that she herself, in losing her chief or only natural happiness, has not lost a greater thing. The specifically maternal happiness must be written off. Never, in any place or time, will she have her son on her knees, or bathe him, or tell him a story, or plan for his future, or see her grandchild. ~  C.S. Lewis

Today Peter and I drove to Delaware. It took us about two hours. I know I was sitting next to Peter, but I was mentally out of it. We had the radio on the whole time, and listened to various broadcasts. I had trouble even concentrating on what the person was talking about on the radio. Which registers how tired I am. As we were crossing the Bay Bridge, I got out my camera to start taking pictures. 

While on the bridge, I snapped a picture of these tankers on Chesapeake Bay. It was a cold day in the 40's and rather grey. Yet despite the weather, the sea birds are a wonderful sight to see. 

Maybe because I live in the city, but I am fascinated with farms and farming trucks, like this Fertilizer. This big green thing was driving right next to us, and all I could imagine was if Mattie was with us he would be screaming with excitement in the back seat. I had absolutely NO interest in trucks, cars, trains, or planes before Mattie came into my life. But Mattie gravitated to anything with wheels and therefore I too got an education about the different trucks and forms of locomotion. Mattie may no longer be with me physically, but his excitement over seeing such vehicles lives on in me. 

Peter passed this farm rather quickly, but I tried snapping a photo of it anyway. Those of you who know me well, know I LOVE cows. Particularly Holstein cows. Their black and white patterns just capture my attention. Peter is always perplexed with my love of cows, and today as we were passing fields, farms, and cows, all I could smell was manure! So now I get why Peter was perplexed! 

On the car trip to the beach, there seems to be miles and miles of farms. As far as the eye can see. When we got to our friend Ellen's house, the ocean looked very grey. As the sky changed throughout the afternoon, the color of the water was also transforming. Though it was too cold in my book to walk along the water, I could see it, and that alone is a special sighting!