Tonight's picture was taken on July 14 of 2007. There was a lot going on here. You can see Mattie's huge swimming pool on our deck. It practically took up over a third of the space we had! You can also see Peter and Mattie's swimming trunks hanging in the background (after having gone into the pool that day), and of course without fail.... Patches was in on the scene. (sitting on top of Mattie's sandbox). If we were outdoors, so was she!!! If you look closely you can see two special glass goblets on the table. One is blue and the other is red. These were my paternal grandmother's. My grandmother got these glasses on her wedding anniversary, and when my grandparents died, I inherited them. At one time our wedding anniversary tradition was to take these goblets out and toast another year together.
Quote of the day: The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods. ~ Bill Cosby
I have known Peter practically all of my life. Yet yesterday I learned something NEW about Peter. After talking to Peter's mom today, she too did not know my news! So it is a NEW fact for all of us. After going out to dinner yesterday and having a wonderful blackberry shortcake, about 40 minutes after that Peter developed a raging fever and huge red blotches all over his body. He literally was turning purple. When Mattie was alive, I had Benadryl in our home, but I did not have it on hand last night. So I walked to our local CVS and got Benadryl in hopes that what I was seeing was an allergic reaction. Not everyone responds well to this antihistamine. Mattie certainly didn't. Instead of making him sleepy and less congested, it made him agitated and hyper. Thankfully Peter isn't like Mattie in this sense and that within an hour of taking it was looking much better. I will not forget his purple coloring anytime soon!!! So NO blackberries for Peter!!!
I had the wonderful opportunity to have lunch today with my dear friend Junko. My faithful readers may remember that Junko was the kind soul who would visit me in the Hospital and not only bring me treats, but would also give me neck and back massages. I did not know if I was coming or going some days in the hospital and the level of intense stress I was living under was incredible. It was funny, when the hospital staff saw Junko giving me a massage, they made every effort possible not to bother us. They felt I needed this brief reprieve and attention. They verbally stated this on many occasions! Junko's attention and kindness will never be forgotten. Over a long lunch we talked about so many things and while talking I realized that I do better or thrive under a crisis or when I am directly providing care to someone. I am not sure that was the case when Mattie was alive and healthy. However, after Mattie's cancer and then death, I have learned this aspect about myself. I wouldn't say that anything in particular brings me happiness, or this is not a word I care to use anymore, but I do know that I get more fulfillment out of life when I am directly helping someone. It is almost as if without a crisis and a direct link to being needed by someone, I live a pretty grey or dull life emotionally. However, what jolts me out of this grey purgatory is direct service. This maybe why I was inclined to become a mental health professional in the first place..... it is how I am hard wired.
Later this afternoon, I received a very touching email from my college roommate and friend, Leslie. Leslie is on a beach vacation with her family this week and she wanted me to know that today a beautiful swallowtail butterfly followed her and her son to the beach. This was an odd sighting to her since she rarely sees such butterflies by the beach and especially on such a HOT day. When Leslie got to the sand and her beach chair, she pulled out her phone and saw that today's date is July 15, or in other words our anniversary. With that Leslie sent me an email with good wishes. The butterfly triggered her memory but it gets better. While sitting on the sand, after having sent the message to me, this same butterfly which she saw on the board walk reappeared on the beach, as almost to deliver her a message. Butterflies remind Leslie of Mattie, me, and Peter, and to her the message delivered by this fluttering beauty was "thanks for thinking of my mom and dad today!" I found Leslie's message TRULY touching. Leslie wanted to know if other Mattie supporters had butterfly sighting today as well! I told her I didn't know, but I am very happy that our friends think of Mattie each time they see one of these special creatures.
I would like to end tonight's posting with an anniversary message from my mom........................................
My mom wrote, So many political movements are symbolized by slogans that any student of history can recall. There was the Square Deal, the New Deal and the Great Society, none of which lived up to their expectations although the idealism behind them started out with good intentions. Nonetheless, they did advance the cause of activism to benefit the interests of society but the reality is that in implementing a Utopian dream something always gets lost in the translation.
But the other day as I read your blog, a comment made by one of your associates working with you on developing national psychosocial standards of care to be applied to childhood cancer patients and their families caught my attention. They described you and Peter as the "Real Deal!" It is a slogan as applied to you that I can really get behind. I fully support your colleague's sentiments one hundred percent and I am in total agreement, no qualifications, ifs and buts! I regret that I did not say it first but I know I will be the first to run with it and apply it to your time with Mattie.
You two are the "Real Deal" for having given Mattie a lifetime of wonder and happiness in seven short years. As a witness to the process from the day he was born, I can say you thoughtfully showered him with love, guidance and understanding that nurtured his uniqueness so that he could become his own version of the "renaissance man" as the impressive little boy that he was. You gave him the canvas, paints and brushes of life to create his own space and fill it with meaning. You made sure as he took every new step in his development that you found the right schools where he could find lasting friendships and interact with teachers that shared your philosophy of life, nurturing respect for all others, making allowances for differences and appreciating nature and conserving its beauty. In all this you were successful and he lived each and every day in happiness feeling safe and secure. For him, every day was a new adventure and he looked forward to the next day with excitement and anticipation. Even in the hospital when he was very sick, he took direction from the two of you and with every ounce of energy and spirit, he used every reprieve from pain to focus on positive pursuits like building an amazing Lego project or tackling another challenging magic trick!
For Mattie you two were the "Real Deal" and today for many afflicted childhood cancer patients, you remain the "Real Deal" because you prove that with your commitment to their future, you are made out of the "Right Stuff!" Happy Anniversary and many more!!!
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