Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2009. In fact this photo was taken a month before Mattie died. By that point Mattie was having trouble breathing and needed constant oxygen and was also connected to a pain pump. The oxygen and the pain pump were literally in the trunk of the car. For my faithful readers, you know all too well that this red vehicle was named "Speedy Red." In a way, Mattie's special wish was to always have a ride-on car. So my parents bought it for him and poor Peter schlepped it home and assembled it. Speedy Red gave Mattie GREAT pleasure. It did not matter how hot it was outside, we would venture out on Speedy Red. What I find fascinating though was Mattie had a natural understanding for the mechanics of driving. He just got the notion of a gas pedal, brakes, and steering. Since I wasn't sure if Mattie could figure out how to drive and I was worried about his safety, I usually rode in the passenger seat as his helpful side kick. However, once Mattie quickly caught on, he insisted on riding alone. I honored that request but was usually walking or running beside him because up until the day he died he was my number one priority.
Quote of the day: If there's a thing I've learned in my life it's to not be afraid of the responsibility that comes with caring for other people. What we do for love: those things endure. Even if the people you do them for don't. ~ Cassandra Clare
Peter and I have a busy next couple of days. Next Wednesday, we leave for a European cruise with my parents. Needless to say for those of you who love my travel blogs, I have a lot of adventure in store for you. I already thank you for checking in and traveling with us. I truly appreciate the support I get from our readers, because I would have to say that since Mattie's death traveling is hard for me. First off, I HATE flying, especially over water. If I never had to board a plane again, you know what? I wouldn't miss it in the least. I wouldn't even feel like my life was limited. I would simply feel happy being on solid ground. People have tried to talk to me about visualizing all sorts of calming things aboard a plane, but I assure you it doesn't work. My physician even suggested I take anxiety meds to deal with this fear, so I tried them once, and like Mattie, I had the exact opposite reaction for which the drug was intended. The medication made me HYPER and MORE agitated. So there we have it. I fly because I don't want my fears to limit others, but I HATE it.
Tomorrow morning, Peter boards a plane for Boston. He is going to deal with our car which was left there due to an accident. I will explain more about this journey tomorrow. But this ordeal with the car also brings me sadness. This car holds many memories for us. It took us on all our road trips with Mattie, I remember sitting with him in the back seat when he was a baby, and the list goes on. The car's license plate is MMCF (Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation), and to me it is our official Foundation car. There is just so much wrapped up in this car, and with Mattie gone, I do cling to THINGS. They are all that we have left.
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