Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2006. This was a typical everyday scene with Mattie. Legos everywhere!!! Mattie incorporated Legos into all his play schemes, and with Legos his imagination came alive. The long Lego design here was supposed to represent an airport runway. What I also love about this photo was Mattie's big smile. With Mattie, I learned all about Legos and building outside the box. Mattie preferred to build from his imagination than from a plan. Though he could follow any Lego plan without a problem. He was, as I called Mattie all the time "our little engineer."
Quote of the day: I've reached the point where I hardly care whether I live or die. The world will keep on turning without me, I can't do anything to change events anyway. ~ Anne Frank
At first read, Anne Frank's quote may seem depressing. However, given the circumstances she was living under, she had a lot to be depressed about. Nonetheless, anyone who has lost a loved one, can probably relate wholeheartedly to Frank's sentiments! Why? Because the hardest thing to come to terms with after someone you love dies is the simple fact that the world does keep on turning. I remember when Mattie died, for me the world ended. I am not sure what I was expecting, maybe on some level I was expecting others all around me to be sad and worn down too. Mattie's death seemed earth shattering to me, so much so that I felt EVERYONE would be equally traumatized. This of course did not happen! I was stunned to see people going out to Starbuck's and buying coffee and socializing. I was also stunned to see people in restaurants laughing and being happy about living. I wanted to shake these people and let them know that while they were laughing a beautiful seven year old just lost his life!!! I couldn't wrap my head around any of this since for me there was no world. It stopped existing as I knew it on September 8, 2009 (the day Mattie died).
Four families lose a child each day in our Country to cancer. This isn't well reported but it is a reality. I know that we live in a culture in which the vast majority gets its facts from the media! Big mistake!!! Unlike other newsworthy deaths, which frankly the media covers for their political gains and sensationalism, children are dying daily. But I bet you won't hear about this on NBC, CBS, and ABC!!! Two classrooms of children are being diagnosed with cancer daily too. But where is the media coverage???!! None of them were by my side on the day Mattie was diagnosed or the day he died. You maybe saying, why would Vicki expect the media to be there?! Well I didn't but I am trying to make a point. The point is my child's death was just as important to me than anything else the media could possibly cover. I am sure thousands of other parents who also lost a child to cancer would agree with me. Where is the justice?!
Anne Frank felt there was nothing she could do to change her reality or future events. I can appreciate her loss of hope and her feelings of helplessness. Parents who have children with cancer and worse those who lose a child to cancer, relate to Frank's helplessness. After all, how do we change our culture's thinking?! How do we get people to focus upon this healthcare crisis, a crisis in which more than 13,000 children are diagnosed with cancer a year?!!! I have no answers, other than we just have to keep on writing, verbalizing, and advocating for the needs of children with cancer and their families. Will all my advocating bring Mattie back?! Certainly not. So why do it? The answer is I primarily do it because it keeps Mattie's memory alive. My small life keeps on turning, in the larger picture of the world, because Mattie remains a part of my life. He is in my thoughts, my writings, and my daily work.
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