Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2008. I think this photo says it all! I was wiped out and Mattie was UP and had this impish grin on his face! In all reality there was just no way to keep Mattie down. Cancer, chemotherapy, and surgery tried very hard, but his spirit always came shining through. He was a miraculous little fellow.
Quote of the day: Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light. ~ Brené Brown
This afternoon, I was invited to lunch by my friend and colleague. Denise and I met in graduate school and her daughter, Marisa assisted us with Mattie in the summer of 2009, after his cancer treatment was over. Of course Mattie wasn't home long that summer since his cancer spread everywhere only six weeks off of chemotherapy. Denise's entire family is well connected with us and they assist the Foundation in SO many different ways. They helped us in February when we went to Huntington Beach, CA for a National Conference in which we launched a psychosocial think tank, and they will be assisting us once again in February 2014, when we attend another national conference in Tampa, FL.
In so many ways, today's lunch was therapeutic. Denise and I openly talked about loss, grief, and trauma. Since Denise went through Mattie's battle with us and she is a daily blog reader, I didn't need to bring her up to speed on our story or my feelings. She is part of our Mattie community and has her own thoughts and emotions about the loss as well. Today's meeting was a gift. The gift of eating lunch outside (since today was a glorious weather day), having wonderful food (since I am motivated by food!), and most of all having the opportunity to talk honestly about the death of Mattie, the day he died, and the multiple losses that have occurred as a domino effect from losing a child to cancer. I threw a lot at Denise today, but she did not miss a beat. I think another gift she gave me besides of course listening (which is huge), was the gift of telling me how important the blog is. It isn't just important from a way to keep Mattie's memory alive, but it is important from a clinical sense. The blog can be turned to by mental health clinicians to get an up close and personal viewpoint of how to help a parent with grief. There were many aspects about today's lunch that will remain with me always and I learned that maybe I don't need a large gathering. Instead, meaningful one on one connections like I had with Denise today are key to coping with anniversaries.
As I mentioned last night, September is National Childhood Cancer Awareness month. There are campaigns all over the country to encourage people to wear gold and also to light their homes up in YELLOW. In essence changing your current white light outside your home to a yellow light bulb in support of childhood cancer. In some places this YELLOW light campaign has really taken off. I received an email today from one of the childhood cancer coalitions that we follow and they gave us an update about the petition that citizens made to LIGHT the White House GOLD in the month of September. Needless to say the White House turns PINK in October, but they won't consider GOLD for September. Fascinating!!! You can read the link for yourself below.
Official The White House Response to Light the White House gold for the month of September to honor pediatric cancer fighters and bring light to the cause.
https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/response/fighting-pediatric-cancer
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