Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2008. Mattie was home in between treatments and that day he received in the mail a foam puzzle from Peter's parents. Mattie put the puzzle together and then decided to sit on top of it. When I saw this, I grabbed my camera, and right then and there entitled this photo.... Mattie is on top of the World! I suppose back then we were all on top of the World because we thought we were going to fight this cancer and potentially win.
Quote of the day: There is nothing more beautiful than someone who goes out of their way to make life beautiful for others. ~ Mandy Hale
I received an email today from one of the mental health professionals who is working with our Foundation to craft a psychosocial standard of care. In our email exchanges I mentioned to her that Mattie's fourth anniversary of his death was Sunday. Once she heard that, she stopped talking about work and immediately responded about Mattie and his anniversary. She is a fine example of why I feel like we put an excellent core team of psychologists together to help us with this national endeavor. They have the insight of what it is like to help a child and family from time of diagnosis and beyond and as such isn't afraid to respond to the emotional content that can come up time to time in an email. As I told her, her comments really were poignant. She wanted me to know that she feels that Peter and I have done an outstanding job at channeling our grief into helping countless people. She feels this is something to be admired and yet she also feels and understands that at the end of the day this won't be bringing Mattie back, and though we keep giving, we are never going to receive the same amount of love we give out, especially the love from our child. I never verbalized this or perhaps even thought of it in this way, but at the heart of the matter she is absolutely correct. There is an emotional inequity.
Later today, I went to visit my friend Mary who lives in an assisted living facility. Some of you recently asked me whether I still see Mary. I may not report about these visits all the time, but Mary is my friend and I do try to visit her regularly. Mary's decline seems even more significant to me from when I saw her last. It is very sad to see someone vibrant struck down by a neurological disease. While visiting Mary today, I had the opportunity to chat with one of her nursing aides. I try to get to know the aides on a more personal level because it gives me insights into how they feel about their job and caring for older adults. Caring for a sick older adult is not easy. Mary's roommate has significant cognitive issues and doesn't like to be touched. Which is fine, expect that she needs assistance with changing clothes and so forth. As I listened to this particular aide in question tonight deal with Mary's roommate, all I could think of is.... what incredible patience. Mary's roommate was screaming at the top of her lungs and hitting the aide. But the aide never raised her voice or got upset. She remained even keeled and kept explaining what she needed to do. Certainly not all aides are created equal.
After this episode, I told her that she does important work. I said I know we under value her work in our society and it certainly doesn't pay or compensate her well. Other than with physical injuries and aches and pains. However, I said that for many of the residents she works with, they would be lost without her. They need her kindness not only with their physical needs but with their emotional ones as well. She agreed with me and she told me she loves her job and also feels honored to be able to help her patients. As Hale's quote tonight points out, there is something special about "making life beautiful for others." I saw it operationalized tonight. May we all have someone like this in our lives to help us as we age.
I end tonight's posting with a photo of our friend Tim's orange tie. As I mentioned in last night's blog posting, Tim has a tradition in which he wears an orange tie in Mattie's honor the entire week after Mattie's anniversary. Tim is accruing quite a collection. We know we can't get the GOLD campaign to take hold, but wouldn't it be great to start an orange tie campaign? Any case, Tim begins each of my mornings this week with a photo of his tie. It is a symbolic gesture which reminds me that Mattie is not forgotten!
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