Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2008. I will never forget that particular weekend. We took Mattie to the Inner Harbor of Baltimore. It was the weekend before his first limb salvaging surgery and we were all on the edge, stressed out, and uncertain of what the future held. Notice in Mattie's right hand that he was holding a Lego structure he constructed over lunch. We sat by the water that day eating, or I should say Peter and I ate, and Mattie was legoing!
Quote of the day: If there is one thing I'd learned about hospitals, it's that they aren't interested in healing you. They are interested in stabilizing you, and then everyone is supposed to move on. They go to stabilize some more people, and you go off to do whatever you do. Healing, if it happens at all, is done on your own, long after the hospital has submitted your final insurance paperwork. ~ Eric Nuzum
This morning our October newsletter for the Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation was distributed to all of our donors on-line! It is truly remarkable how far reaching this newsletter has become with a growing supporter base of close to 1500 people. I personally love when I see people sharing our newsletters with others on-line and of course promoting our articles through their own electronic networks and communities. I was thrilled to see our chocolatier, Robbin Warner, post our newsletter article on her blog:
http://www.writingwithchocolate.com/2013/10/chocolate-therapy-workshop-at-the-pediatric-lombardi-clinic-of-georgetown-university-hospital/
It was another absolutely beautiful weather day in Los Angeles. In the 80s, with sun, and not a cloud in the sky. We sat outside for lunch and to me there is nothing like fresh air. It makes food and everything seem better. This is one of the things I really dislike about winter on the East coast, being trapped inside.
After lunch we went to see the movie Gravity. For my faithful readers, you know I am NOT a movie goer at all. I don't like the loud noises, the darkness, and being enclosed in a space with a lot of people. All side effects or anxieties, however you want to couch it, that developed after Mattie battled cancer and then died. In addition to having issues with the physical environment, I typically do not like the plots or lack there of within modern day movies.
I imagine critics are in love with Gravity because of the amazing special effects and the incredible simulation of being in space and the complexities associated with living with NO gravity. Yet for me, the special effects are NOT what caught my attention about the movie. Instead it was the plot, and in all reality there were really two plot lines going on simultaneously. The obvious one in which astronauts are sent up into space to repair the Hubble telescope but in the process are attacked by satellite debris disabling their shuttle and killing all crew members except for two, these two main characters are played by Sandra Bullock and George Clooney. Watching the death defying feat of these main characters was almost hard to believe much less watch but then of course reality sets in...... they may never make it back to earth. The fight for survival, safety, and getting home then ensues. Of course this isn't an easy journey and each twist and turn is met with more agonizing realities, it is like watching a train wreck happening except in their case no one is there to witness it with them and share in the horror for emotional support.
Putting that plot aside, comes the deeper more existential plot. We learn that Sandra Bullock, who plays a medical engineer on the mission, is really struggling with her own life and death quandary. When she was asked by Clooney who she wants to get back to earth for, who will miss her if she is gone, she pauses. She goes on to tell us a story about how she had a four year old daughter, Sarah. She was driving to work one day when Sarah's school called her to tell her that her daughter had a freak playground accident and died. The key words here are driving and dying. Sandra Bullock goes on to say that her life now, NOW THAT HER ONLY CHILD DIED, consists of waking up, going to work, and driving (which she uses as her diversion and is therapeutic)!!!! This may have been my favorite line in the whole movie. It portrays the loss of an only child so beautifully, accurately, and cuts to the heart of the matter. The matter being that there is nothing to ground one to this world anymore, there is no purpose, meaning, or direction when you lose a child. Therefore when Sandra Bullock's character is up in space, in my perspective, space is her biggest diversion! Throughout Sandra Bullock's battle to return to earth, the question really is, does she want to??! Or does this accident give her the opportunity she has been looking for to become reunited with Sarah and one with space? I wont say anymore about the plot assuming some of you may want to see this movie.
But like my lifetime friend Karen said to me tonight, there is just NO escaping the death of Mattie for me. Not even in a movie. I relate to what Karen is saying to me and yet, I appreciated the quest that Sandra Bullock was facing, dialoguing about, and sharing with our society of movie goers. These are real life issues that those of us who face the death of a child contend with on a daily basis and as Sandra Bullock reveals in her actions, we have two choices...... to give up or to find a way through the pain and keep living.
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