Mattie Miracle 15th Anniversary Video

Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation Promotional Video

Thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive!

Dear Mattie Blog Readers,

It means a great deal to us that you take the time to write to us and to share your thoughts, feelings, and reflections on Mattie's battle and death. Your messages are very meaningful to us and help support us through very challenging times. To you we are forever grateful. As my readers know, I promised to write the blog for a year after Mattie's death, which would mean that I could technically stop writing on September 9, 2010. However, at the moment, I feel like our journey with grief still needs to be processed and fortunately I have a willing support network still committed to reading. Therefore, the blog continues on. If I should find the need to stop writing, I assure you I will give you advanced notice. In the mean time, thank you for reading, thank you for having the courage to share this journey with us, and most importantly thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive.


As Mattie would say, Ooga Booga (meaning, I LOVE YOU)! Vicki and Peter



The Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation celebrates its 7th anniversary!

The Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation was created in the honor of Mattie.

We are a 501(c)(3) Public Charity. We are dedicated to increasing childhood cancer awareness, education, advocacy, research and psychosocial support services to children, their families and medical personnel. Children and their families will be supported throughout the cancer treatment journey, to ensure access to quality psychosocial and mental health care, and to enable children to cope with cancer so they can lead happy and productive lives. Please visit the website at: www.mattiemiracle.com and take some time to explore the site.

We have only gotten this far because of people like yourself, who have supported us through thick and thin. So thank you for your continued support and caring, and remember:

.... Let's Make the Miracle Happen and Stomp Out Childhood Cancer!

A Remembrance Video of Mattie

October 8, 2013

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Tuesday, October 8, 2013 -- Mattie died 212 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2004. Mattie was two and a half years old and was beginning to understand the whole notion of the Fall and especially Fall Festivals. Somehow when Mattie was born, I got into the habit of carrying a small camera in my purse. It wasn't necessarily a conscious decision but I am so happy now looking back that I documented Mattie's life journey.


Quote of the day: Disappointment is a sort of bankruptcy - the bankruptcy of a soul that expends too much in hope and expectation. ~ Eric Hoffer


Just when I think it isn't possible to be MORE disgusted or disappointed in the medical profession, I have a day like today, which further cements all my negative feelings in stone!!! This morning I had an appointment with my urologist, a woman I have seen for four years now. Each time I visit with this woman, I am either perplexed by her or her office staff. But since she seems to be managing my condition, I put up with her. Today, however was a different story.

Though I live in the District of Columbia and her office is also in the District, one would think this would be an easy commute. However, it is not! She works at my least favorite hospital in the area. Mainly because it takes me forever to cross the city to get to it. What normally would take me 45 minutes to get from North West, Washington, DC to North East, Washington, DC, today took me TWO hours. There was a major traffic jam in North East and based on where I was, I was stuck, I had to ride it out. So I called the doctor's office to alert them about my appointment and that I was going to be at least 30 minutes late. The receptionist asked if I was a new or a returning patient. When I said returning, she said NO problem! 

When I finally got to the hospital and walked into the office, this same receptionist told me the doctor couldn't see me today because I was 40 minutes late. Mind you I called, but putting that aside what irritated me was I told her I was symptomatic and someone needed to see me. Basically I wasn't leaving unless I was seen. She did not like my attitude and the feeling was mutual. After leaving me at the reception desk waiting for ten minutes, she came back out with her office manager. Mind you, we were having this open dialogue about my health in front of other patients, so much for HIPAA! Which is a joke in and of itself. If you doubt me, then I welcome you into a hospital setting anytime. Conversations are happening in the HALLWAYS between doctors, patients, and families for the world to hear!

Any case the manager was just as delightful as the receptionist. The manager quoted me policy. Of which I then let her have it. From my opinion, this was not how the office should treat a patient of four years who is always on time for appointments. Let's not mention the fact that every time I come, I am waiting up to an hour to see the doctor, well past my appointment time. But that is irrelevant. I asked the manager if I heard her correctly, which was that I was to go home and not be seen despite being in pain and symptomatic. She finally caved and got me into see the nurse, because she could see she had a problem on her hands. The office manager was the second gatekeeper I dealt with today (receptionist being the first!).

Once I got in to see the nurse, she said it would be impossible to see the doctor today because I was so late. She did a urine culture and was going to send me home (to wait a few days for the culture results), despite running a fever. In fact, the nurse did not listen to me at all. I told her my symptoms when I first walked in the door and I told her it was insensitive of her office staff to not even take into account I wasn't feeling well. I assure you driving for two hours without using a bathroom when having bladder symptoms is close to impossible but they did not care. After the culture, the nurse sat down with me to take a history and the first thing out of her mouth was.... you don't have pain, right?! Are you kidding me???!!!! How I did not explode is beyond me! I wanted to escort her to have her hearing and eyes checked! If you couldn't hear I was in pain after I blatantly told you, then you certainly could see it!!!

After the history was done, she was going to dismiss me. I told her to go back and let the doctor know that if she doesn't see me and prescribe me something today, I was going to go home to pop a concoction of antibiotics that I have. Needless to say, guess who saw the doctor and got a prescription today?!

Honestly, our medical system is deplorable, and I have health insurance. There is an art form about getting through gatekeepers and sometimes when you aren't feeling well, you just can't muster the energy to advocate for yourself. But if I didn't today who was going to? Sad that it comes down to screaming, it is the only way to be taken seriously!!! I am continually disappointed and wonder why people get involved in the health care industry if they do not intend on helping people? Does one become immune to seeing people in pain?! I think it is simply unethical and inhumane especially when people aren't feeling well, they are already in an emotionally and physically compromised state. I do not know what the answer is, but it seems to me something is very, very wrong in the training of our health care providers. Health care has become a business, run on results and numbers. The only problem with this is that people are complex beings that have feelings. We are not cars which have a diagnosable issue that is simply mechanical in nature. I truly believe medicine would be a much better field if more listening took place and that doctors actually connected with their patients. The art of learning about listening, communicating, feeling, and understanding human dynamics have got to be devoid in most medical and health care programs. What a shame that emotions are negated and looked at as futile. I suppose the only true way medical professionals will learn about the art of delivering fine health care is having to experience a personal medical crisis. I have a feeling this will be a rude awakening that may just influence how they treat their patients moving forward.  

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