Saturday, December 14, 2013

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2002. Mattie was eight months old and a ball of fire. Mattie was born on and very curious. I loved this reindeer onesie on him and he looked like the spitting image of a happy and healthy baby. It would have been absolutely impossible for us to guess what was in store for our family in 2008! You most likely can't tell, but Patches (our calico) was also in this photo. In many ways, Patches was like our "where's Waldo?" She was always on the scene. If you look passed Mattie's stroller, on the floor you can see a white tipped tail. That was my Nurse Patches! She was intrigued by Mattie and ALL his baby gear!


Quote of the day: Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow. ~ Dan Rather 

Last night Peter and I went to his office holiday party. As my faithful readers know, I really no longer like going to parties or attending group activities. Typically once I get the nerve up to go, I seem to manage, but it is taking the first step to go and attend which isn't easy for me. However, going to this particular party was not an option. I wanted to support Peter, especially when I knew other employee spouses would be there. For the most part conversations at the party were very surfacey and therefore in such circumstances I can become distracted from our reality. Everyone in Peter's office saw our Fox 5 broadcast about the Foundation's candy drive, so I got a lot of positive feedback about that. As the evening moved along, I decided to finally sit down after standing for several hours. While sitting, I saw a young man approach me. At first I was uncertain who this was, but as I looked at his face, I knew this was Tyler. Tyler is a young adult now and he is the brother of Charlotte. As a recap, Charlotte and Mattie went to kindergarten together and Mattie deemed her "his girlfriend." Actually Mattie gave Charlotte an engagement ring (a plastic ring he got from a good dental cleaning) while in kindergarten. I am not sure what inspired Mattie to do this, but in some ways, I think Mattie knew he had to pack a lot in during his short lifetime.

Any case, when I met Tyler years ago, he was in high school. Now he is a college graduate. Which is why at first I did not recognize him all dressed up and with a tie. Tyler was attending an office party at the same restaurant as us and while walking down the hallway, he spotted me. Tyler came over and gave me a big hug. To put this in context, when Mattie was battling cancer, Tyler coordinated and hosted a "battle of the bands" concert as a fundraiser for Mattie. He did this as a teenager, and the event was super successful. All I can say is seeing Tyler transported me right back in time. A time in which his sister and his family were in our lives on a regular basis, and of course a time when Mattie was alive.   

Also while at Peter's office party, Peter and I received a text message from our friend Tanja. Tanja was at Mattie's school last night attending a choir concert with her daughter. While Tanja observed the 6th grade performing, she said she got VERY upset and something came over her. At first I did not understand what she was getting at, because remember in my mind Mattie will always be 6 years old and in kindergarten. But if Mattie were alive today, he would be in 6th grade. When Tanja saw the 6th grade perform she felt something and more importantly someone was missing! Our Mattie! Receiving Tanja's message meant a great deal to me. What her message was telling me is that she remembers Mattie, misses his presence, and isn't afraid to tell me. She then thanked me for sharing my grief journey with others and allowing people inside to understand the true emotions behind losing a child. I view this text message exchange as a beautiful holiday gift. 

Today Peter and I visited Mattie's lower school campus. On that campus is Mattie's memorial tree. As many of you know, I deem this tree the twinkling tree. It twinkles because on it is a birdhouse, a wind chime, hot wheel cars, butterfly ornaments, and Legos. These things adorn Mattie's Tree on a regular basis. We added a beautiful red bow around the tree and snowflake ornaments in honor of Christmas 2013. 

A close up of the red bow and one of the butterfly ornaments! 

I tried to capture all the items on the tree in this photo. Despite the rain, we were out there decorating and cleaning up around the tree. We might not have a Christmas tree at home, but Mattie's tree gives us the opportunity to get outside and acknowledge the holiday as a family.