Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2002. Mattie was eight months old and as you can see was NOT interested in crawling. Mattie wanted desperately to walk. He actually had a great deal of leg strength and if I held his hands, he could walk anywhere. This occurred early on in his development. Maybe as early as four months. What I love about this photo was the cute reindeer on Mattie's onesie! He was our walking reindeer that year.
Quote of the day: Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. ~ Winston Churchill
I absolutely LOVE Churchill's quote. We tend to associate courage with standing up and advocating, which of course it is, but courage is MUCH MUCH more than that. To listen to someone, especially someone who is grieving takes enormous courage and strength. It also takes time, patience, and a great deal of love. If I had to list the one absolute MUST for a grieving parent for survival, I would say it is the need to be heard. Today I was reminded about this once again from both of my friends in cancer. My friend Ilona lost her son in June and Annie lost her daughter in May of 2010. Obviously both women are in different places along the grief continuum, yet I understand exactly what they are both saying. In fact, it is sometimes hard for others not going through what we are facing to truly get the picture of what stands before us, especially on the holidays.
As I read my friend Annie's blog today, she wrote about Christmas cards. It is an issue I face each December, but I doubt I have written much about it on Mattie's blog. Like Annie, Peter and I used to send out HUNDREDS of Christmas cards every December. We did this as a married couple and then when Mattie came along, we featured Mattie on the front cover of every card. Mattie was diagnosed with cancer in 2008, and therefore the last time we sent out cards was in December of 2007. To this day, Peter and I still do not send out personal holiday cards. We send out a holiday greeting on behalf of the Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation, to our supporters to highlight our year's accomplishments and our appreciation for their contributions. But in my heart of hearts, I can't send out personal cards. I am neither interested nor have the desire. With that said, what about receiving holiday cards?!
When Mattie was alive we received as many cards as we sent out. Did I like receiving cards? Most definitely. I love cards because to me they show the creative side of people and I can tell a lot about a person based on what is written or not written in a card. Soon after Mattie died, people continued to send us cards. All sorts, but mostly cards filled with family photos, photos of their children, and updates about the wonderful happenings in their lives. I have to admit such cards were hard to receive and perhaps on some level they remain hard to receive. Yet now four years into this journey, I have noticed with each year, we receive fewer and fewer cards. I am not sure if this is an indication of being forgotten or people are just unsure of what to do with us. Nonetheless, we have feelings and it is painful not to be included in some way, and this further reminds me just how disconnected a bereaved parent is from the rest of the world. What works? I have a friend who sends me a holiday card each year, but it isn't one she sends to everyone else, it is a card just for me. Acknowledging the pain of the holiday season but also with the reflection that my presence is important in her life and that of others. I will never forget the first year receiving such a card! To me it was brilliant and really what every grieving parent needs...... to be remembered and not forgotten. What such a card illustrates to me is that my friend has what Churchill stated.............. COURAGE!!!!
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