Sunday, January 5, 2014

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2006. To me there was something very sweet and cute about Mattie's expression. It could be that the hats give this photo a fun dimension, but most likely what captures me was Mattie's face. He was really giving Peter a tight hug around his neck, which you may not be able assess, but as I look at Mattie's left arm and how he was bracing his face, it all becomes clearer to me. There was a lot of Daddy love that I captured in front of the tree that year.


Quote of the day: Courage is like a muscle. We strengthen it with use. ~ Ruth Gordon


This morning I was showing my dad several things on YouTube. Because I know we have a couple of videos of Mattie on-line, I tried to search for one in particular. Back in April of 2009, Peter captured an adorable video of Mattie with his nurse, Katie. Mattie and Katie were acting out the Three Little Pigs right on Mattie's PICU bed. It was an impromptu performance, but absolutely priceless. I LOVED that video! 

While searching for the Three Little Pigs, I found a Channel 9 story that was covered of Mattie from Mother's Day of 2009. I watched it with my dad and there was something very unsettling about seeing Mattie live on screen. Some how video is far more tangible than photos. Photos which I see everyday. For those of you who wish to see the Mother's Day video, you can click on the link below. You can see Mattie interacting with the TV interviewer and showing her his latest creation he built, you can also see some of the chaos and piles we were dealing with all around us. The YouTube Video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=650k115rFo4

However what truly bothered me is that I couldn't locate the Three Little Pigs video on YouTube. I searched every where and then did a Google search. It is as if the video never existed. Needless to say that upset me because from my perspective it was the cutest video! This missing video also reminded me of a precious audio clip that was captured on a computer Mattie's school lent him while he had cancer. One evening while we were home from the hospital (which was rare), Mattie was sitting on his bed, waiting for me to get washed up for bed and come into his room. When Mattie developed cancer, Peter and I took turns (when home) sleeping in Mattie's room. Since Peter had to work full time, I covered many of the nights. Mattie was hooked up to all sorts of IVs, and therefore he could not be left unattended at night. Also because of all the IVs, Mattie had to frequently go to the bathroom at night. Due to his surgeries, he was unable to accomplish this task alone. He needed someone to lift him out of bed, help him with his clothes, and stand him upright. Any case, back to my story. While Mattie was waiting for me, he was creating some sort of visual electronic piece of art for me on his School's computer. However, while drawing, he was singing a song about me. A song he created entitled, Una Moon. Which was Mattie's nickname for me. Any case, I can still picture Mattie singing Una Moon to me, yet to this day, I do not have the audio clip of it. After Mattie died, I gave the computer back to his School, and never thought to download the song. 

Seeing the video of Mattie today evoked several feelings for me, and no matter how deeply I try to remember, at times I forget what Mattie's actual voice sounded like. Which is why today's video was so special to me. If I could only track down the Three Little Pigs and Una Moon!  

This afternoon, my parents and I went out to lunch. It was close to 80 degrees and we had lunch outside. On Monday, I fly back to DC, and I am preparing myself for the grayness and freezing weather awaiting me. All I can say is sun and warm weather in December and January is the way to go. Life is hard enough, you might as well have sun and warmth while living it.