Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2007. My mom took this photo of the three of us while we were having lunch by the water in San Diego! As you can see Mattie was happy, creating the letter "M" with his crayons at the table, and simply full of life and energy. Sitting for a meal was a feat because we had to keep Mattie very intellectually challenged otherwise he would neither comply with sitting or eating.
Quote of the day: As soon as anyone starts telling you to be “realistic,” cross that person off your invitation list. ~ John Eliot
In the past several days, my parents and I have gone through boxes and things that they have been storing in their home over the years. It is never easy to sort through memories and possessions. Especially when in these possessions one has items that belonged to one's mom and dad, and people who have passed away. I know this issue all too well, because when Mattie died, I just couldn't deal with addressing any of Mattie's items that were all around me. In fact, for the first month after Mattie's death we did not even live at home. We moved into our friend Ann's home. Certainly that removed us from our home and the immediate impact of the space, but we went into Ann's home with a purpose... to help her dad die. Something I knew very well how to manage and do.
Clearing out Mattie's possessions took years! It was much easier to start with items that he got from the hospital that he never played with or touched. I had no sentimental attachment to them, and could easily donate them. But toys and especially clothes that reminded me of Mattie, I did not even go near for three years after Mattie died. I am not sure where I then got the courage to take on the sorting and cleaning possess, but I think what ultimately bothered me was I felt that Mattie's room was a mess and nothing in there truly was organized enough to celebrate his life or showcase the beautiful art pieces he created. So that inspired me.
While sorting through items with my parents, in the midst of my grandparents items I also found things that belonged to me when I was a baby. I think if Mattie were alive, I most likely would have saved these items to show them to him and perhaps to pass them down to him and his family in the future. But when you lose your only child, you think differently. Though I am a relatively young person, my mindset in many ways is much older. I maybe sentimental about things that belong to people close to me, but I have absolutely no real interest in items that belonged to me. To me they serve no purpose, have no future value, and therefore I have no problem giving them away.
Tonight I sign off from Los Angeles, as I am heading back to Washington, DC tomorrow!
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