Tonight's picture was taken on January 13, 2009. We took Mattie on a Hudson River cruise and he literally saw the Statue of Liberty and all the wonderful sights of NYC. While on the boat, a stranger came up to us and asked if we wanted to have our photo taken. Which I thought was very nice at the time. Looking back, I am so glad he did because I love having this memory preserved on camera!
Quote of the day: Bereavement is a darkness impenetrable to the imagination of the unbereaved. ~ Iris Murdoch
Peter and I did all sorts of chores today, one of which was grocery shopping. Given that it was a grey day out, I decided that we should buy several large chicken breasts, and I would cook all of them, not only for dinner but to have the leftovers for lunches next week. So I spent a good portion of the day in the kitchen cooking things like balsamic chicken and chicken stew.
Of course grocery shopping with Peter is very different than grocery shopping with Mattie. The food store we went to today, was the same one I used to shop at with Mattie. Mattie truly disliked shopping. Shopping of any kind! Well except shopping for Legos and toy cars! That was the only exception. Yet as a family, we clearly needed food and to eat, so that meant Mattie had to come grocery shopping with me. I noticed today that our grocery store has changed dramatically since I used to go with Mattie. When I went with Mattie, there was practically something to catch a child's eye hanging in each aisle. From toys to rubber balls, you name it. I couldn't get down an aisle without Mattie telling me he absolutely needed whatever was hanging in the aisle. Naturally the first couple of times I was ill prepared to deal with his requests, but by the third time shopping together, I had developed a strategy so that we did not come home with things he did not need.
Perhaps it is because Mattie is no longer shopping with me, that I DO NOT notice the toys or gadgets geared to children hanging in the aisles any more. That could be, but I do think that stores have now made a conscious effort not to market to children in each aisle. Or worse at the entrance of the store, where there used to be machines in which Mattie could put in a quarter and get out a toy. These machines have vanished. It certainly makes it a lot easier for parents to grocery shop with their children.
With all that said, the question does become.... have the stores changed or is it me who has changed? Not being a parent anymore, I no longer look for items that could very well be right in front of me. I am conscious of this question now, and will be looking with a different viewpoint the next time I go back to that particular store. I want to know if the store changed or whether it is just me. What I do recall however, was once Mattie died, going back to the grocery store was awkward and felt odd. Odd because I was used to shopping for the needs of a child. I would say for the first full year after Mattie died, part of me glanced at all the things he used to like, and I wondered whether I should buy them. There was a very cognitive disconnect, because I had been shopping for a child for 7 years. But with time, this changes. I am not sure that this means I accept the loss, as much as it means I have adjusted to the change. Yet whenever I pass things Mattie loved to eat, like yogurt or golden oreos, I can't help but think how different our shopping experience is now.
No comments:
Post a Comment